


All the Shine of a Thousand Spotlights

by allmylovesatonce



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2020-07-28 20:51:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 70,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20070403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allmylovesatonce/pseuds/allmylovesatonce
Summary: In need of a break, Claire treats herself to a night out by herself. She doesn't end up spending the night alone after she meets a dashing Scot. But their one night might end up complicating her life even more.(Previously titled: I Don't Think This Will Last, But You're Here In My Arms)





	1. I Don't Think This Will Last, But You're Here In My Arms

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the One Quote, One Shot challenge on tumblr! I'm considering making it more than one chapter, so we'll see if that happens! Thanks for reading!

_ I needed a break. _

My work was my pride and joy, but it could also be exhausting. I was in the middle of casting for my newest show and it was draining me. The price of being a  _ big name _ was that everyone wanted to work with me. 

If you followed Broadway in the last decade, then you knew my name. Everyone did. I’d become a sensation.  _ A legacy _ , they’d called me. I was basically raised in the theatre. At the tender age of five, I’d been orphaned and taken in by my Uncle Lambert. Lambert Beauchamp had whisked me off to New York City, where he was a Broadway legend. I went to school during the day, but from 3:00 til nearly my bedtime, I lived and breathed theatre. No one was really surprised when I followed in my uncle’s footsteps, especially after he grew too sick to continue his passion. 

I knew I owed my career to Lamb. No one in their right mind would have offered an opportunity to direct a Broadway show to a 25-year-old woman if they hadn’t been Lambert Beauchamp’s niece and protege. And yet, that’s how it happened. I’d sought out the opportunity, expecting to be rejected; and yet, I hadn’t been. I had been determined to prove that I was worthy of the title on my own merits. Lamb had sat in the front row, smiling ear to ear, on the first night of my first show. 

Ten years later, I was getting ready for my next show. Living up to my reputation could sometimes be a lot to handle. There were no free passes, and everyone expected the best from me. The best cast, the best show, the best ticket sales. I was supposed to be the wunderkind, but it came with an immense amount of pressure. 

That was how I found myself at a bar far away from Broadway on a night in the middle of my casting season. 

It was just supposed to be a night to myself, a break from the annoying people who were part of the beginning stages of the production and the pressure the world placed on me. I’d ordered a drink and was sipping my martini as I scanned the crowd. When alone in a crowd, some people liked to people watch. I was different. I liked to look at people and decide what role I’d cast them as. Particularly annoying people were instantly recognizable, and cast as such. 

That night I found herself playing my little game. I looked at the blonde woman by the bar, drinking some fruity concoction.  _ Laurey in “Oklahoma” _ , I decided. My eyes drifted to the older man across the room, desperately trying to win the attention of the woman near him.  _ The Wizard in “Wicked,” _ I chose, though I left my mind open to other suggestions. My eyes caught a man wearing a thick sweater and a peculiar expression. I giggled to myself as my mind landed on a decision.  _ Rum Tug Tugger in “Cats.” _ I spotted a young woman in heavy makeup with a look of consternation, surrounded by men.  _ Aldonza in “Man of La Mancha _ .” 

I continued my game until my eyes landed on the tall redheaded man by the bar. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of him. He was particularly handsome, with a mop of curls and piercing blue eyes. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He was captivating. I watched as he moved with a grace that a body his size shouldn’t have. I knew I was staring, but I couldn’t stop. He was caught up in a conversation with the bartender, so it was innocent enough to stare. He had yet to notice me anyway. 

But then his eyes flicked up and met mine. I coughed on my martini as I’d been caught. The corner of his mouth flicked up in a small smirk. Looking anywhere but at him, I tried to pass it off. When I couldn’t help it any longer, I glanced back at him. 

He was gone. 

I took a deep breath, trying to slowly look around the bar to see where he’d gone. Perhaps he’d been creeped out by the woman so openly staring at him and had left. Turning my head to the left, I scanned counter-clockwise around the bar to see if I spotted him. 

“Like what ye see?” 

My head whipped to the right, seeing the man standing next to me. 

“Dear Lord,” I muttered. “I’m so sorry, I was just a bit spaced out. I didn’t really even know I was staring. My apologies.” 

He grinned. “Are ye sure about that? Ye didna look very spaced out.” 

I raised my eyebrows at him. “Wow. What, do you  _ want _ me to have been staring at you?” 

The man shrugged, the smug grin still on his face. “I canna say I mind it from such a beautiful woman.” 

“And if I was ugly, then you’d mind it?” I countered. He’d been blunt enough with me, so I decided to be blunt myself. 

He burst out laughing. “Fair enough. Ye’re a bold one then, aren’t ye?” 

I shrugged. “Perhaps.” 

“Do ye mind if I sit?” he asked, gesturing to the chair next to me. 

“You want to sit?” I asked, admittedly a bit surprised. I wasn’t used to men wanting to spend more time with me once they’d been exposed to my bite. 

“Well, I’m a tall man and I’m craning my neck a bit looking down at ye,” he reasoned. “And if it’s alright wi’ ye, I mean to keep talking to ye.” 

I fought the grin threatening to spread on my face. “Well it seems you’ve made up your mind then.” I took a look at him and decided to give him a bit more. “I suppose I wouldn’t be remiss to have some company. Seems better than drinking alone. Though I don’t know why you’d want to come over here.” 

He looked at me, watching me for a moment. “Like ye said, tis better than drinking alone.” He took a long drink of his whisky, watching me over the glass. I felt myself subconsciously crossing my legs a bit tighter. “Canna help but notice the accent,” he remarked. “What brought ye here from Merry Old England?” 

“I’ve actually lived here most of my life,” I admitted. “My uncle was English as well and helped me keep the accent.” He nodded thoughtfully. “Can’t help but notice the Scottish brogue. What brings you here?” 

The man shrugged. “I suppose I was a bit reckless. I didna want the life I was expected to lead, so I left and came here, ready to follow my dreams.” 

I nodded. “And how has that worked out for you?” 

“Some weeks, rather well. Other weeks, no’ so much. But as far as my family is concerned, I’m living my best life,” he confessed with a chuckle. 

“I suppose we’re all just out here trying our best,” I offered. 

He nodded, his eyes still watching me. “That’s kind of ye to say.” He held up his hand in signal to the bartender. “Another whisky and another one for her as well.” 

I looked down at my nearly finished drink. My original plan for the night had been a drink,  _ maybe _ two. This was the bottom of number one. Based on the look from my companion, I wondered if my plans would end up changing. 

I cleared my throat after downing the rest of my drink. “So what brings a man such as yourself out for a drink by yourself in the middle of the week?” Without meaning to, I leaned a bit closer to him. 

He took a deep breath, seemingly debating his answer. “Just needed a break.” 

I smiled. “I know what you mean.” I shook my head. “My life can be a bit more demanding than I want it to be. I worked my arse off for it, but sometimes I wish I’d chosen a simpler path.” Sighing, I felt the need to continue. “I don’t want to sound like I’m ungrateful or anything. I suppose sometimes I just wish people expected less from me. I wish they could see that I’m doing my best.” I looked down at my drink, wondering why the hell I was sharing so much with a complete stranger. 

“Well, I’m sure the people in yer life ken that ye’re doing a fantastic job and will continue to do so,” he said with a smile. 

I narrowed my eyes at him, a matching smile on my face. “That’s an awfully kind thing to say for a man who knows absolutely nothing about my life. You don’t even know my name.” 

He scooted a bit closer to me. “Well, go ahead. I’m all ears.” 

I watched him for a moment before I stuck my hand out to him. “Elizabeth,” I lied. It wasn’t a  _ full _ lie; my middle name was Elizabeth. 

His hand wrapped around mine as he stared back at me. “Malcolm,” he said. 

“Nice to meet you,” I replied lamely. 

I expected him to release my hand, but he didn’t. Instead, he brought my hand to his lips and placed a kiss on the back of it. I held my breath as I watched him. “The pleasure is mine.” 

I swallowed thickly, slowly taking my hand back. “So, how did you do it?” 

“Do what?” he asked, taking another drink of his whisky. 

“Make such a brave move?” I explained. “You must have been nervous to move so far away from everything you know.” I inched closer as he started to answer. 

“Och, it was nerve wracking to be sure,” he admitted, “but at a certain point, I just had to commit to it. What I wanted was here, and no matter how comfortable Scotland was, it was never going to offer me the same opportunities.” His hand dropped, grazing my knee. “Like the opportunity to meet a lass like yerself.” 

I felt myself blush as I looked down. Glancing back up, I shook my head as I caught his gaze again. “What a line.” Trying to play it off was key. My body had reacted to such a simple thing as a light touch from him. I had to be careful. “What was at home that you were so desperate to get away from?” 

“My family has a farm. Has had one for generations,” he told me. “I was due to inherit it, but I didna want it. It shall be my sister’s now. That type of work wasna for me.” 

I couldn’t help but look him up and down carefully. “You’re quite sizeable aren’t you?” I said. 

A half smile curved his lips and he nodded, clearly wondering what I was up to. “Big enough for most things,” he answered. 

I grinned, fighting the images swirling through my mind of things he was big enough for. “So, I’d think you’d be perfect for that type of work. Lifting things, hauling things, turning over a field and such.” 

His eyes betrayed nothing as he watched me. “Oh, I’m plenty strong,” he assured me. “I’m fit enough for the work, I just dinna want to do it. Some people live for it, but I thought it would leave me with a life I didna want.” 

“There are easier paths than the ones we’ve chosen,” I said, somewhat to myself. “Do you think it makes us brave or crazy to go with the lives we’re leading?” My hand grazed his arm where he leaned against the bar. Our conversation was mostly innocent, but the body language between us was starting to say otherwise. I felt drawn to him in a way I hadn’t felt towards anyone in a long time. We were sitting incredibly close to each other, our knees almost touching. We’d started out at a respectable distance, but over the course of our conversation, we’d grown much closer. 

He leaned in close to me, his face mere inches from mine. “I like to think we’re brave.” His hand landed on my knee, just next to his own. 

“I don’t know that I am,” I muttered. He looked at me questioningly. I sighed. “Everyone knew what my life was going to be before I even made the choices for my life. And maybe it was because everyone could tell what I was passionate about even before I could. But I think back on my life, and it’s all been perfectly routed. What you did — leaving Scotland, your home, your inheritance, everything — it’s almost reckless. I’ve never done anything reckless in my life.” 

Malcolm watched me as he finished his drink. I followed suit and took a long sip of my own. “I can think of something reckless ye could do.” 

I took a deep breath as I caught his intense gaze. “Yeah, and what’s that?” 

His hand squeezed my knee, lighting a fire within me. “Kiss me,” he suggested. 

I looked down at his lips before I met his eyes again. Leaning in slowly, I placed my hands on either side of his face. He didn’t move forward, waiting instead for me to go at my own pace. His eyes fluttered closed, as I was merely a breath away from him. I glanced up at his face once more before I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to his. He responded quickly, meeting me in kind, his free hand grabbing on to my waist. My body was coming alive, and it was only a simple kiss. Quickly, I pulled back, looking at him. As he stared back at me, he almost looked a bit dazed. 

His thumb traced a line across my knee where his hand still laid. A line of fire followed in its wake. 

“So how did it feel being reckless?” he asked, his voice just above a whisper. 

I decided that, for once, I was going to listen to my body and not my mind. It didn’t make sense that a complete stranger could make me feel this way. But in that moment, I didn’t care. 

I took a deep breath, looking him in the eye. “Honestly, it didn’t feel all that reckless to me.” 

His brow furrowed as he processed what I said. “Oh?” He tilted his head, appraising me. “Well I suppose we’ll have to think of something better to do.” 

I leaned forward again, my hand clutching his shoulder. “I can think of something.” He nodded for me to continue. I stood up, whispering in his ear. “Take me home with you.” 

The ride in the cab felt excruciating. He’d given me a hard kiss as a yes before we left the bar, but then we tried to keep our hands off each other in the back of the cab. It wasn’t entirely possible though. My hand laid over his, my fingers drawing patterns against his skin. He moved his hand, running it against the side of my leg. I shot him a dangerous look. Finally, we arrived outside a rundown-looking building. Suddenly, I wished I’d taken him back to my place instead. I stood on the sidewalk as he paid the cabbie, looking up at the building. It was a far cry from the Central Park West apartment I had where I stored my pride and joy: my Tony Award. But I kept that place from random men for a reason. Hell, I hadn’t even given this one my real name. 

“Tis no’ much, I ken,” he said, looking over at me. “But it does the trick.” 

I didn’t know what to say back. I watched him for a moment, an awkwardness between us. “I’d love to see inside,” I finally replied. He smirked, grabbing my hand and directing me inside. 

He started climbing the stairs and I followed, taking in the view of his tight arse. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on that. For the hundredth time, I pictured it — what was to happen — and my stomach tightened in anticipation. Malcolm slowed down, looking back to me. He reached a hand out to me and I gave him mine. As I reached the landing, he pulled me against him, kissing me deeply. He turned and my back hit the wall. My gasps were lost between us as his tongue ran along my lip. I opened my mouth, letting him in. His hands ran along my body as my fingers wove through his hair. 

When his hands found my ass, I finally broke apart. “Bed,” I breathed. 

His eyes were dark as he met mine and I felt proud of the disheveled sight of him – his kiss-swollen lips and messed-up hair. “Aye,” he replied, taking my hand again and leading me up another set of stairs. We stopped at the third floor and walked halfway down the hall. His hand shook slightly as he pulled out his keys. I understood the feeling. I was shaking with desire and the need for him to touch me again, to touch me in new places. 

He opened the door and let me in before quickly slamming it behind him. Pulling me to him again, his mouth was quickly on mine. We were in a frenzy, both of us trying to be close and also strip off our clothes. I needed him and I was pretty sure he felt the same way. I was down to my bra and my panties when he stopped. His shirt was hanging in his hand as he stared at me, his mouth slightly open. Feeling a bit self-conscious, my hands came up to cover myself. “No,” he urged. I looked at him, unsure. “Ye’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” 

I walked closer to him, running my hand down his toned chest. My hand stopped at the waistband of his jeans and I reached for the button. He took a deep breath as I grazed the bulge of his pants. He was ready. There was no doubt about it. I slowly unzipped his pants, pushing them down for him. He stepped out of them, bringing me against him again, our lips meeting once more in a passionate frenzy. Somehow, my back ended up against his door as he started kissing his way down my body. I unhooked my bra and threw it behind him. His eyes darkened as they locked on my chest. Soon his mouth followed, his tongue swirling around a nipple, driving me crazy. His hands ran down my sides, pulling my panties down. I watched as his mouth moved from my chest and down my stomach. He looked up at me, seemingly for reassurance. I nodded, and his mouth found its way between my legs. 

I cried out, clutching his head in my hand. His tongue was lapping at my core, swirling around in amazing patterns. He was quickly winding me up and he hadn’t even used his hands yet. His hand ran up my left leg, pulling it to rest on his shoulder. He reached up with one hand to hold me in place as I felt my knees grow weak. He added his fingers to the mix, finding my clit and sending me further to the edge. I tried to ignore the noises I was making. It had been a long time since I’d been with anyone, and I felt certain I’d find my release quicker than I expected. It was already so close. 

Soon, he found the right spot within me and I cried out again. He repeated the motion again and again, until I was clenching around his fingers, collapsing against him. Malcolm put my leg down and stood up. He met me for a sloppy kiss, the taste of me still on his lips. He bent down as he kissed me and picked me up. I felt weightless in his arms as he carried me with ease to his bed, not breaking away from me until he laid me down on the bed. Stepping back, he pulled off his boxers, showing himself off for me.  _ Sizeable indeed _ , I thought to myself. 

I laid back on the bed, motioning for him. I needed him inside me and there was no denying that he was clearly ready as well. He crawled over me, leaning down to kiss again. I pulled him closer, writhing beneath him. He broke away for a moment, fumbling through his bedside drawer. Brandishing a condom, he chuckled in success. I grinned, grabbing it from him and tearing it open. He groaned as I slowly rolled it on, squeezing him in the process. 

Once it was on, there was no more pretense. He stared at me for a moment before guiding himself into me. I moaned loudly as I felt that all-too-familiar stretch. He was in to the hilt and kissed me as he started moving. I clutched him to me as I met him, thrust for thrust. His mouth attached to my neck, working on leaving a mark, and I found I didn’t mind that I’d bear a reminder of this evening. My leg wrapped around his waist as I felt his bite. His hand held my leg there, squeezing tightly. It was passion and frenzy between us, pushing us further and further. We weren’t exactly gentle with each other in our mutual race toward release. My hips met his again and again, and he panted words I couldn’t understand in my ear. Finally, it hit me that he must be speaking Gaelic. I grabbed his arse in both hands, pulling him further into me. He groaned, moving to kiss me deeply again. His tongue moved against mine in a similar rhythm to his hips. 

He moved his hand down to the place of our joining. I keened as he found my clit again, bringing me to the edge. He was close too, and by the look of determination on his face, I could tell he was trying to time it all  _ just right _ . Leaning down, he whispered to me, urging me along. With one final thrust, I was coming, my walls tightening around him. He shook above me with a loud groan, and he was there too. His arms gave out and he collapsed on top of me. I wrapped my arms around his sweaty body, not completely minding the weight of a spent man on top of me. Soon, he moved, flopping down next to me. 

I chanced a glance over at him and he was staring at me, a broad grin on his face. A matching expression was surely on mine as I laid there panting. My night had certainly diverged from the original plan, but I didn’t mind one bit. Instead I laid there, contemplating if I should stay or go home. Staying meant I might be rewarded with a second round. As if he could read my thoughts, his hand came to rest on my upper thigh. He wasn’t starting anything, but he also wasn’t necessarily letting me leave. 

We laid there for a while, both recovering our breathing. He moved at one point, jumping out of bed and walking out of the room. I wondered where he was going, but not enough to muster up the energy to follow him. Quickly, he returned with two glasses and a bottle of whisky tucked under his arm. “Feel like a dram?” he asked, a grin still on his face. 

“Yes, please.” 

He poured us both a glass and handed mine to me. I lifted it up and he clinked his glass against mine with a chuckle. We drank silently. For whatever reason, I felt the need to break the quiet. 

“This is good whisky,” I mused. 

He had a devious look about him. “Aye, it is. But I have a suspicion.” 

I watched him as he inched closer to me. “And what’s that?” 

“That it’ll taste even better from yer lips.” He closed the distance between us, pressing his lips to mine and quickly deepening the kiss. His tongue was in my mouth, dancing with mine. I moved closer, nearly into his lap, as he continued to kiss me deeply. He pulled away suddenly with a pop. “I was right.” 

I climbed the rest of the way into his lap, feeling brazen. I downed the rest of my glass, slamming it down on his bedside table. “Oh yeah? Well then maybe you should have another taste.” Before he could reply, I’d wrapped myself around him and crushed my mouth to his. His hands held me in place, one against my back, the other on my arse. My hips rolled against his as our tongues twined together. My hands were in his hair, holding him to me. As I felt him stir against my thigh, I knew my mind had been made up from the second I walked in the door. 

I wasn’t going home that night. 

He broke from me for a moment, readjusting himself on the bed and bringing me with him. His back was against his headboard as I still sat in his lap, straddling him. I kissed him again, with more intent this time, letting my hands rove where they pleased. His hands held tight to my arse. I could tell he was already fond of it. I rolled my hips against his again, and he replied by holding me tighter against him. 

I ended our kiss and stared at him before I reached for his drawer. Feeling around, my fingers finally found the foil wrapper I was looking for. I had the wrapper half torn off before I was back in my original position on his lap. 

“Do it,” he urged, as if I needed encouragement. 

I rolled the condom on him and knelt above him. Taking him in slowly, I sat back down on his lap. He looked deep into my eyes, watching me as I started to move on top of him. “ _ Christ _ ,” he sighed, leaning his head back against the headboard. 

I reached and moved his head to look at me again. Our eyes were locked as we moved together. I leaned down and kissed him hungrily. He wrapped one arm around my waist as his other hand wove through my hair, refusing to let me break our kiss. We rocked against each other, desperate to find our release again that night. 

The sweat was cooling on our bodies as we laid there breathlessly. Sleep found me quickly after a night like that. 

I woke the next morning, unsure for a second where I was. Looking down at my naked body half-covered by the sheet, I suddenly recalled what had happened the night before. I couldn’t fight the smile on my face as I turned to look at my bedmate. My smile faded as I saw the empty spot next to me. Before I could grow upset, he stumbled into the room. 

“I’m so sorry, but I’m afraid I have somewhere I have to be this morning,” he said as he hastily tried buttoning up his shirt. 

I pulled the sheet with me as I got out of his bed, suddenly more shy in the light of day. “Not to worry,” I assured him. “I actually do too.” I found my clothes and dressed myself quickly. Once I found my phone and checked the time, I was grateful that he had somewhere to be. It wouldn’t have been good to miss auditions that day. 

My shoes were on and I was nearly out the door when he stopped me. He kissed me again, a mere echo of the fire the night before. This was almost tender. And to be honest, it frightened me a bit. How was I reacting the same way to such tenderness? 

We walked down to the sidewalk together. I hailed a cab and was ready to jump in when he stopped me for the second time that morning. “We should see each other again,” he suggested. 

“That sounds great!” I agreed before closing the door in my haste. 

As the cab pulled away, I realized we had no way to get ahold of the other. It had been a mindblowing night to be sure, but maybe that was all it needed to be. The entire way to my home, I tried to convince myself of that. I showered quickly and did my best to make myself look as decent as possible. There was no denying the fact that I’d had more to drink and had less sleep than usual. That combination was bound to show on my face. A scarf was a must that day, as I needed to cover up the marks he’d left.

I wore big sunglasses and carried a large coffee as I strolled into the theater, walking over to the director’s seat. “Good morning,” I said in a quiet voice. 

John laughed at the sight of me. “Christ, Claire, you look like shit!” 

“Good to see you too,” I retorted. 

“Isn’t it a bit unprofessional to be coming in in this state?” Marilyn asked me. She was always the annoying one with the stick up her butt. 

Before I could defend myself, John stepped in. “She’s fine. She just looked like she had a hard night,” he said with a chuckle. 

“Actually, I had a bloody fantastic night. I’m just having a bit of a rough morning,” I clarified. 

“Well if you feel up to it, maybe we should start the auditions for the lead,” Marilyn said pointedly. 

“Yes, let’s,” I agreed with a roll of my eyes. 

Three men had come and gone, not making much of an impression on me. My mind desperately wanted more sleep, and these boring actors weren’t doing much to keep me awake. I took a long swig of my coffee between auditions. 

“Alright,” John said, looking through a stack of papers. “And our next one is...Jamie Fraser.” 

I nodded, not really listening. The sound of the door opening off-stage caught my ears but I barely processed it. My body reacted to the sight of him before my mind caught up. His eyes went wide for a split second at the sight of me before he schooled his face. “ _ Oh fuck _ ,” I whispered, looking ahead at the man who’d thoroughly done so the night before. 

He cleared his throat up on the stage. “Hi, I’m Jamie Fraser and I’m auditioning for the role of Peter.” 

“Very well, Mr. Fraser,” John answered. “Give us your best.” 

Jamie ( _ Jamie? _ ) nodded and adopted a professional posture, ready to begin his audition. I slouched slightly in my seat, my face feeling hot. Seconds before he started speaking, I muttered to myself. 

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ.” 


	2. You Look Back at Me and Suddenly I'm Helpless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm excited to be continuing this story! It's been fun to write! I hope you enjoy!

I stared up at him in horror. This couldn’t be happening. I knew I was tired, but had I fallen asleep and this was the nightmare befolding me? The biggest problem was that he was good. Like,  _ really _ good. I watched him, my eyes wide, my mouth ajar, wondering how the hell he was completely nailing the role. I looked out of the corner of my eye to see John as transfixed as I’d been. Glancing to the other side, Marilyn seemed riveted as well. Normally, the three of us were better at keeping a poker face. His talent caught all of us off guard. The men before him had been lackluster at best. But he...he was incredible. 

_ Why did he have to be the man I’d slept with the night before? _ I sighed as he finished up his monologue. He nodded in thanks from the stage. I looked over at John and encouraged him to say something. 

“Thanks so much, Mr. Fraser,” John said, trying to keep an even tone. He turned to me. “Claire, do you have anything to add?” I glanced up at Jamie, noting his expressionless face. I shook my head to John. “We’ll be in touch.” 

I saw the corner of his mouth quirk up slightly before he schooled his expression again. I couldn’t help but wonder if he knew just how much he’d blown us all away. 

John turned to me and Marilyn. “Okay, so he was incredible, right?” I nodded, staring up at the stage where’d he’d just been. “I mean, knocked it out of the park. On just an audition. That was two pages of script and he just killed it.” 

“I’d say he’s the best we’ve seen so far,” Marilyn agreed. “Claire?” 

I finally had to look at them. “Yes, I would agree. Maybe we should take a short break?” John shrugged, letting me get up and run from the theater before either of them could stop me. Out in the fresh air, I tried taking a deep breath. My mind was reeling at an unprecedented pace. Glancing to my left, I realized I wasn’t alone. 

There he stood, his hands covering his face. I straightened myself a bit, trying to ignore the look of him, the body I’d spent the night before exploring. It was hard to believe that I'd seen him only a couple of hours ago. Everything had changed in such a short amount of time. “Hi,” I said hesitantly. 

His hands came down and he stared at me, confusion and anger mixing on his face. “Hello,  _ Claire _ .” 

I closed my eyes, nodding. There was so much to be said, but at that moment, I wanted to run. Leave the theater and the auditions behind. Escape the awkward situation with the man who had blown my mind multiple times for different reasons in the last twenty-four hours. I just wanted to go. But I couldn’t. 

“Yeah,” I admitted. “That’s me.” I looked up at him. “Except, let’s be clear here.  _ You _ used a fake name as well.” 

He sighed, stepping closer to me. “Yes, I did. But the difference is that ye wouldn’t have known who I was if I used my real name.” 

I opened my mouth and shut it again, not quite sure how to reply. “I suppose that’s true. But then why use a fake name at all?” 

“Because ye did.” 

My brows raised nearly to my hairline. “Are you saying you knew who I was?” 

“No,” he told me, his hands raised, trying desperately to make me believe him. “I promise ye I didna. Hell, if I’d have known ye were the director I’d be auditioning for in the morning, I’d have bolted from the bar before ye’d even looked at me.” My stomach sank a bit at his comment. “I could just tell ye used one.” 

“How? What, are you a human lie detector?” 

He chuckled, despite the current air between us. “No. But no one has to pause to think of their name.” 

I scoffed. “I didn’t do that.” 

“Aye, ye did.” 

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “Fine. But you know what, if you’d have said you’re an actor, I’d have split equally as fast.” 

“Ye didna talk about yer job either. I mean, we both did a bit, but all of it was vague,” he reminded me. 

I crossed my arms. “Look, I think we can both agree that this was just very shocking.” 

“Shocking is no’ the word I’d use,” he disagreed. I gestured for him to continue. “I’m sorry, but there’s no way ye can understand this from my perspective. I really prepared for this and was genuinely hopeful for the first time in a long time.” He shook his head, his eyes glancing upward. “And clearly that was all shot to hell.” 

I started to counter him, but he’d turned and walked away. Ignoring my responsibilities inside, I stood there, almost daring him to come back. I tried to forget the foolish hurt I was feeling. But the plain matter was, I’d inadvertently shown him who I really was and he’d run away. It had been one night between us, but my stupid, rarely seen, romantic self had read into things this morning before I left. When I couldn’t put it off any longer, I walked back inside, hoping to plaster on the best poker face I could. 

“Claire!” John called, waving me forward. “We haven’t been able to stop talking about Fraser. He was incredible, right?” 

I nodded, walking back toward my seat. “Yep.” 

“I mean, he just  _ nailed _ that,” Marilyn agreed. My body twitched at the innuendo that could be taken from her comment. And yet, my traitorous brain supplied images from the night before. 

“Do you think he’s actually Scottish or do you think he was doing an accent?” John asked as he took a drink of his coffee. 

“He’s actually Scottish,” I said before I could stop myself. 

Both of them turned to look at me. “How do you know that?” Marilyn asked. 

My mind was scrambling. “He was talking in an accent before he started the monologue,” I reasoned. “Besides, it sounded too natural for it to be fake.” 

“That’s fair,” John agreed. He looked to both of us. “I mean, we can all agree that he’s our top choice right?” 

“How many more auditions do we have for the male lead today?” I asked. 

John checked his list. “Today, there are five more. Then we move onto the female lead. But there are other days this week with male lead auditions.” 

I took a deep breath. “Here’s what we should do. See the other five today. If by the end of the day, we still feel confident in our top choice, then we can cancel the next days’ male lead auditions. Sound good?” 

Marilyn and John both nodded. “Works for me,” John said. “Have either of you heard that name before?” 

I shook my head confidently. “No, I’d never heard of Jamie Fraser.” It was the closest I could get to the truth. 

“Me either,” Marilyn concurred. 

“Seems surprising that someone with that amount of talent hasn’t broken through yet,” John commented. 

“Everyone’s waiting for the right role,” I remarked, sitting back down in my seat. 

“Maybe he was modeling for a while first,” Marilyn suggested. John and I both whipped our heads to look at her. “What? Did you see that man? He was gorgeous.” 

“Keep it in your pants, Marilyn!” I scoffed. I was hardly one to talk, but they didn’t know that. Marilyn would die if I told her in explicit detail just how beautifully made he was. If I thought about it hard enough, I could still feel his touch. I shook my head, trying to refocus. That man needed to get out of my head for the rest of the day. 

That night I went home to my apartment and poured myself an especially large glass of wine. Whisky was what I usually turned to, but after sharing a glass with Jamie the night before, I decided wine was better. The last thing I needed to do was dwell on what came  _ after _ the whisky. 

I took a long drink, setting the glass down next to me.  _ How the hell did this happen _ ? Hours later, I still couldn’t believe that our top choice for the role was the man I’d slept with the night before. But what I really couldn’t shake was the look on his face when he saw me —  _ really _ saw me. He almost looked disappointed, like he wanted me to be someone different. At that moment, I didn’t hate the idea. 

I was deep into glass number two when my phone rang. “Hello?” I answered, already wishing I’d just let it ring. 

“Claire, it’s John.” 

“Hi.” 

“Okay, so I wanted to double check choices with you tonight before I make my calls in the morning. We finished up female leads today and all agreed upon Louise de la Tour, correct?” 

“That’s right,” I told him, taking another drink. 

“And for the lawyer, we wanted to commit to Abernathy,” he continued. 

“Of course.” 

“Perfect. And you know it’s your final call on all of these, right? Because you’re the director,” he reminded me unnecessarily. 

I chuckled. “Yes, I know John.” 

“Good. So, then are you still good with Jamie Fraser for Peter?” 

I thought it over in my mind. What would it be like to have him there every day? To have to hide what happened between us. To work closely with someone I knew I had an unbelievable physical connection with. What would be said about us if someone found out? 

But then on the other hand, I remembered his audition. He’d been amazing. I’d never seen another one like it. And certainly not today. There was no question in my mind that he was the best for the role. 

I shook my head to myself. “Yes, I’m still good with that.” 

“Perfect,” John replied, not acknowledging my pause. “Then, I’ll make the calls in the morning.” 

“Thank you for checking, John,” I said before he hung up. 

“Not a problem. Have a great night, Claire. Maybe try to come in a bit less rough tomorrow,” he teased. 

“Ha!” I fake laughed back. Tonight would be worlds different from the night before. But as I laid awake that night, I wondered if I’d get roughly the same amount of sleep. 

* * *

I walked into the theater looking significantly more put together than I had the day before. John greeted me with a smile as we sat down, getting ready to start today’s round of auditions. Marilyn walked in and sat next to me, trapping me as always in the middle. 

We sat through a number of auditions before lunch time, some of them good, some of them not very good. The roles were starting to narrow and we were getting close to moving from pre-production to production. This part was always very exciting to me. When the last roles were being cast and things were starting to take shape. I always loved it. 

It felt different this time, though. And I knew Jamie Fraser was to blame. I’d purposefully kept from asking John about his calls that morning. I knew if we had to recast any of them, he’d have mentioned it. The three of us sat eating lunch together as we took a break from auditions. 

“So how did the calls go, John?” Marilyn asked, sparing me the need. 

John finished chewing, nodding mostly to himself. “Mostly good.” 

“Mostly?” I asked. 

He grimaced a bit. “Well, Fraser told me he needs to think about it.” 

“Why?” Marilyn pressed, beating me to the punch yet again. 

“I don’t know. He didn’t say. I wonder if he has a different role he’s up for,” John mused. I coughed to myself. I knew what was likely holding him up.  _ Me. _

“You’ve made these calls hundreds of times,” I reminded him. “You know when someone is trying to make us want them more or when they’re going to turn down the role. Listen to your gut. What do you think it is?” 

John took a deep breath, a concerned look crossing his face. He glanced at me. “I think he’s going to turn it down.” 

I sighed, shaking my head. This was my mess. And now, I had to fix it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!


	3. Take a Chance, Take a Chance, Chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciated the support for the continuation of this story! I hope you guys continue to enjoy it! Let me know what you think! :)

I knew what I needed to do, I was just dragging my feet. The only person who could probably convince Jamie to take this role was me. But I was also a bit worried that I was the last person he wanted to see. The last time we’d spoken, he seemed angry that I was trying to talk to him. I could understand the position he was in, and likely why he was about to turn down the role. But he couldn’t do that. I couldn’t let him. 

I had to act quickly. It wasn’t like we had forever. Production would need to begin eventually and we needed to have our lead. Marilyn and John were going through the list of other actors who had auditioned, but we all knew we didn’t want them. We wanted Jamie.  _ I wanted Jamie _ . John was never wrong with his instincts, but I hoped that when I talked to Jamie alone, he’d tell me that he was taking the part. 

Swallowing harshly, I looked up at the building in front of me. Taking all the courage I had, I ran forward to catch the door as a delivery man left. I followed the familiar path to his door. It was painfully obvious to me how different my situation was now than it was the last time I was here. Shaking my head, I tried to dispel the images of him pushing me against the wall and kissing me senseless in the very stairwell I was climbing. Before I got too caught up in memories, I made myself keep walking. There was a reason I was here, after all, and it wasn’t to vividly remember night we’d spent together. I did that enough on my own. 

I must have stood in front of his door for a full minute before I finally knocked. My heart hammered away in my chest as I waited for him to answer. One of his neighbors walked past me. I bounced on the balls of my feet, willing him to be home. The sound of footsteps on the other side of the door almost made me lean closer to make sure I wasn’t imagining it. 

The door swung open and he stood before me. I flashed him a strained smile. His eyes widened in shock as he stared back at me. “Claire,” he said, “what the hell are ye doing here?” 

“I needed to talk to you.” 

He schooled his face, not letting his emotions show anymore. “What about?” 

“You can’t turn down this role, Jamie,” I told him, not wanting to beat around the bush. 

Jamie sighed, running a hand down his face. “Seriously? That’s why ye came by here?” 

“Yes! Look, we saw plenty of men for this role and I promise you that you are the only man we wanted,” I told him. I was being more open than I ever had been with an actor before. “Jamie, you are perfect for this role. And not just because you were the only person who actually sounded Scottish. You have to take it!” 

“No, I dinna have to do anything.” 

I groaned. “You auditioned for it. Why do you suddenly want to turn it down?” 

“Because of you,” he answered in no uncertain terms. 

I recoiled a bit, taking a step back. My arms crossed in front of me defensively. “Because of me?” I could hear how small my voice sounded and I hated it. This wasn’t me. I never groveled or begged people to do anything. He was bringing out a terrible side of me. 

He at least had the decency to look a bit guilty for what he said. “Aye. I’m sorry, but I canna take it. I didn’t want to turn it down immediately. I suppose I wanted to be able to change my mind, but I canna. I canna take the role.” 

“Can you tell me why?” I asked. “Other than because of me.” 

Jamie’s face fell. “Ye have to know how much I actually want the role -”

“Then, take it!” I cried. 

“I canna. I’ll no’ let anyone accuse me of sleeping my way to a role.” And there it was. My mouth fell open at his statement. “I may no’ have much of a career, but I do have dignity.” 

“It’s not like anyone even knows,” I reminded him. “Besides, you didn’t even know who I was. You weren’t doing that.” 

“No, I wasna. But if anyone knew the truth, all they’d be able to see is that I slept wi’ ye one night, auditioned for yer play the next day, and then was given the role,” Jamie pointed out. “I want the role, but no’  _ that _ badly.” 

“No one knows,” I repeated. I was getting desperate.

“I’ll no’ risk it,” he maintained. His eyes dropped from mine. “I appreciate that ye thought I was good enough. But I can’t.” 

“Please think about it,” I urged. “This could be the role of a lifetime.” 

“Well, then congratulations to yer second choice,” Jamie said, effectively taking the argument out of me. “Goodbye, Claire.” 

I sputtered, trying to get one last word in, but the door shut in my face. My hands laid over my face as I tried to fight off my anger and disappointment. The worst part about it all was that he didn’t mince words. It was clearer than ever that his reason to not take it was me. Even more than wanting to have the perfect cast, I wanted to defend myself and tell him all the reasons he was wrong. 

Except that, ultimately, I respected his decision. As I descended the stairs, feeling low, I understood why he stood his ground. I’d known a good amount of actors in my life, and I’m not sure that any of them would have the integrity to actually turn it down. And that’s not even addressing the ones that would have  _ truly _ slept with the director to get the part. 

I wanted a win, but I wasn’t getting it. More than that, I wanted to change the way he looked at me. I’d seen plenty of different gazes from him the night we’d spent together. But now, it was nothing but a cold shadow in comparison. 

My office was dark, save a low lamp in the corner. I was wallowing in the misery of my failed attempt. John and Marilyn hadn’t the faintest idea that I was even going to try to sway him. That was probably for the best, since I’d failed. Elbows propped on the desk, my head was in my hands as I tried to figure out my next step. John walked in without knocking. He sat down on the couch in my office. Both of us looked a bit off. 

“What’s up with you?” I asked. 

He shrugged. “Nothing. We’re just getting close to production.” 

“I’m aware.” 

“I got a few more confirmations today,” he told me. 

“But not the one you’re wanting.” 

“It’s the lead role,” John sighed. “If we fuck that up, our play is dead on opening night.” 

“I know.” 

“And the thing that makes me the maddest is that  _ we  _ didn’t do anything wrong!” John continued. 

_ That you know of _ , I thought to myself. 

“What do you think we can do?” he asked. “We all agreed that he’s the best. Surely the three of us can figure out a way to convince him. We’re all experienced.” 

I nodded, trying to think of some comfort to offer John. I was coming up dry. “Look, we’re casting minor roles next week. By the end of next week, we have to have our cast list set. We’ll give him til then and hopefully he’ll come around.” 

John laid his head back against the couch. “Okay. I guess that’s all we can do. But after that, we’ll have to act fast.” 

“We will, if necessary,” I promised him. 

But as John walked from my office, I hoped it wouldn’t be necessary. I was in full brainstorming mode the rest of the day and my entire evening at home. It was a lot harder to come up with ideas when I knew what the problem actually was. How could I solve it, short of traveling back in time and not sleeping with him? But then again, I wasn’t sure I would really want to do that, even for the sake of the show. 

For the next few days, I sat through auditions, trying to be as present as possible. This show was supposed to be my passion project but I was failing. Somehow, my thoughts were only ever on Jamie.  _ What did he think of me? Would I ever see him again? What were the chances he’d change his mind and accept? Had he actually liked me before my true identity had been revealed? Could something more have happened if he’d never auditioned for my show?  _

The ridiculous amount of “what ifs” and “how comes” kept me incredibly distracted at a time when I needed to be focused. I’d gone out the night I met him because I’d needed a break. But now, I needed one again for a very different reason. I knew first hand how much dedication the role of director took. And that was how I knew I was blowing it spectacularly. 

All I wanted to be able to do was figure out a way to convince Jamie to take the role. Perhaps that would put a smile on my face. I figured it would  _ definitely  _ put a smile on John’s face. I was at a loss, though. 

It took me two more days of spending all my time up in my head before I finally realized that the answer was in front of me all along. 

I poured myself a stiff glass of whisky and sat down on my couch. Glancing over at the clock, I wanted to make sure it wasn’t too late. I took a sip to give myself some courage, and then I dialed his number. 

The line rang twice before he answered. “Hello?” he answered. 

“Jamie, it’s Claire.” 

He was silent for a long moment. “How did ye get this number? I dinna recall giving it to ye. Or ye asking me for it, for that matter.” For the first time, I wondered if he was bitter about more than the situation with the play. It had been a mere accident that I’d run out without giving him my number or getting his. As I’d left his apartment that morning, I was more than open to seeing him again. I wondered if he’d ever believe that with everything else that had happened. 

“It might not be the most ethical thing, but I pulled it off your audition form,” I informed him. “We need to talk.” 

Jamie sighed. “No, we dinna.” 

“Yes, we do. Jamie, this role is yours. You are perfect for it and I meant what I said when I told you it could be the role of a lifetime.” 

“I already told ye no once.” 

“You haven’t turned it down though,” I retorted. “Why is that?” 

He took a deep breath. “Because I ken exactly how big a role this is and it’s killing me to turn it down.” 

“Then don’t.” 

“Claire —” 

“I have a new offer for you.” I talked over him. 

“Oh?” 

I took another sip, needing more liquid courage. “If you take the role…” I trailed off, afraid to actually make my offer. “If you take the role, I will step down as director.” 

“I’m sorry, what?” 

“I’ll step down if you take the role. That way, no one will be able to accuse you of sleeping with the director, because you wouldn’t have.” I tilted my head, thinking. “Well, theoretically. I don’t know your whole history.” 

Jamie was silent again. It was frying my nerves. “Why would ye do this?” His voice was softer than all our interactions since the truth came out. It gave me hope.

“I remembered what you told me the night we met,” I said, my voice growing softer, too. “You said you often led your family to believe that you were more successful than you were. Jamie, this could truly be your big break and you deserve to have it. You have more bloody dignity and self-preservation than most people I know. It’s time for the world to see how great you are. But that can’t happen if you turn down the role.” I stopped to take a breath. “I heard you loud and clear. Your problem wasn’t with the role, but with me. So, if I’m out of the picture, it’s perfect. And this show needs you.” 

“What about ye?” 

“Not to sound too much like a braggart, but if I step down as director, I’m fairly certain I could find another show rather quickly,” I told him. 

I could hear him breathing on the other end. “Claire, this is —”

“Just think it over,” I advised. “You have until Friday to make a decision. We have to have our cast list finalized by then.” 

“Alright,” he agreed. 

“Okay. Well, one way or the other, I’ll talk to you soon.” I said goodbye and ended the call. The idea of calling him and making such an offer had seemed like the hardest part. But I was wrong. 

_ Waiting _ was going to be the hardest part. 


	4. The World's Gonna Know Your Name

It was Thursday and Jamie still hadn’t reached out to John. I was sweating, trying to keep working. I knew John was surely losing his mind, too. We both tried to go about our jobs as usual. Actors made us wait all the time. But this felt different, and we both knew it. 

At 10:00 am, John ran into my office, nearly sliding against the wall as he rounded the corner. “Are you busy at lunch?” 

My brow furrowed in confusion. “Aside from actually eating lunch? No.” 

“Okay, we have a meeting at noon.” He started to walk away. 

I called to him, making him turn back. “John! Who is the meeting with?” 

His head came back around the corner. “Jamie Fraser. He wants to meet with us in person.” He eyed my office. “We’ll have the meeting in here. Your office looks more presentable than mine. Marilyn can’t make it, so it’ll just be us.” 

John was gone before I could reply. I stared down at my desk, seemingly frozen. There was plenty of work to do, but I thought it might be pointless for me to do it. For the millionth time since I talked to him last, my mind drifted back to Jamie. I wondered if he’d take my offer. Or was he coming to turn the role down in person? That didn’t seem likely. I looked at the papers on my desk, realizing I may be out of a job this afternoon. 

I couldn’t just sit there, so I got up and paced. When that wasn’t enough, I sat back down. I continued the pattern of pacing and sitting until I couldn’t take it anymore. I pulled out my phone and started looking at contacts, wondering who I could have help me get another show to direct. My mind was running too fast to focus on just one thing. I was certain though, that Jamie would be accepting the role. No one met in person to turn down a part. 

I prayed that my breathing was under control when John wandered back into my office. He pulled one of my chairs from in front of my desk and sat it next to my chair. I could tell that he was nervous. Even if I didn’t want to lose my job, I wanted John to stop being so antsy. We’d found the perfect lead and that was supposed to be the end of casting. Both of us were sweating nerves and there was really nothing we could do to stop it. 

A knock at the door shook us from our anxiety ridden silence. We looked to the door to see Jamie standing there, a nervous smile on his face. John jumped up quickly, welcoming him into my office. “Welcome, Jamie.” Jamie nodded his head politely, sitting down in the chair across from my desk. 

“I appreciate ye taking the time to meet wi’ me,” he started, leaning forward a bit. “I realize I left you hanging and I wanted to give ye an explanation.” 

My stomach was tied in knots. Surely, he wasn’t going to give a  _ full _ explanation, right? His eyes were on John, only flitting to me for a short second or two. “I was very grateful to be given the opportunity to even audition for this role,” Jamie started. I couldn’t tell where this was going. “But when ye called me, something had come up in my personal life and I wasna sure that I would be able to take the role.” John nodded understandingly. I sat there frozen, wondering which direction he was taking this. “So, I really was thinking things over and trying to find a way to accept this part,” he continued. 

“And?” John asked. 

I looked between the two men, my gaze settling on Jamie. “And, I would be more than honored to accept the role if the offer still stands,” he said, a large smile gracing his face. 

I felt happy for a brief second before I remembered what it all meant. My eyes drifted closed, wishing I’d thought of another way to get him to take the role. 

“Thank goodness,” John said, standing up to shake Jamie’s hand. “I’m so relieved. You’re simply too talented for us to find another suitable lead.” 

“Well, thank you,” Jamie said, trying to hide a shy smile. “I canna begin to express what a great opportunity this is. I mean, it’s every actor’s dream to work wi’ Claire Beauchamp,” he exclaimed, finally resting his gaze on me. “I would be crazy to turn down that chance.” 

I felt my mouth fall open some as I stared up at him. Could that mean what I thought it meant? Was he letting me stay? But why? John was excitedly responding to Jamie as I tried to sort through the mess of my mind. 

“Let me go get something! I’ll be right back,” John said, turning to leave the room. 

Jamie sat back down, not looking at me. 

“Does that mean what I think it means?” I finally asked. I knew we only had so long to be frank before John walked back in. 

“What do ye mean?” 

“I offered to leave, but what you just said –” I cut myself off, trying to find the proper way to explain my thought process. 

“Aye, it meant what ye thought,” Jamie clarified. “You dinna have to step down.” 

I nodded, looking down at my desk. Looking back at him, I tried to see if I could get any answers from his face. His face was a blank mask. “Why are you doing this?” 

His fingers tapped on the desk. “I thought back on why I was so desperate to get even just an audition,” Jamie started. “And the real reason for that was that I wanted to work wi’ Claire Beauchamp. I suppose at some point, perhaps, I should have looked ye up. I’d heard yer name enough to know how much of a legend ye are nowadays, but I didna even ken what ye looked like.” 

I chuckled to myself, shaking my head. 

“But no matter, I knew that I’d regret it if I made ye hold up yer end of the bargain,” Jamie finished, giving me a look. 

“What about your concerns? They were valid, Jamie. I completely understood where you were coming from.” 

He nodded, biting down on his bottom lip. “Ye’re no’ going to tell anyone what happened, aye?” 

“Of course not,” I promised him. I held his gaze, making sure he knew I was serious.

“Well, me either.” He took a deep breath. “It can be our wee secret, then. And hopefully it willna get out otherwise and I’ll be able to avoid such accusations.” 

“Very well,” I replied, unsure of what else to say. 

Thankfully, John walked back in and saved us from any further awkward moments. “Jamie, here you go. These are all the things you’ll be needing. The schedule is on top. As you can see, production officially begins Monday.” 

“Great,” Jamie said, picking up the stack John had just given him. “I canna wait. Thank ye so much.” 

“No, thank  _ you _ !” John replied, shaking Jamie’s hand too hard. 

“John, I think you’re coming on a bit strong,” I told him softly. He glanced at me with an embarrassed face. I reached my hand out to Jamie, hoping no sign of our private conversation showed on my glass face. “I look forward to it, Mr. Fraser.” 

“Likewise,” he said, taking my hand. 

I tried my best to ignore the spark from just a handshake. Swallowing thickly, I nodded to him, taking my hand back. John turned to walk him out and I sat down in my chair. My head was leaning against the back of it when John wandered back in. 

“Isn’t he just the best?” 

“Mmhmm.” Suddenly, I was torn. Did I want to have to work alongside Jamie when just his touch made me react so? Or would I have rather lost my job due to a personal secret? I didn’t know the answer, but I did know that this show was going to be a very different experience for me. 

* * *

The entire cast was gathered for the first table read. I looked around the room at the people I’d handpicked to be there. As I watched them mingle while they waited to begin, I hoped that once again, I’d been right in my instincts. Louise de la Tour wandered over to me as I stood at the Director’s place at the long table. 

“Claire, so lovely to see you again,” she said, wrapping me in a hug. “I am excited about this one.” 

I smiled at her. “Me too. But are you sure you’re ready to return to the stage?” I teased. 

She rolled her eyes. “Goodness, if one more person asks me that…” 

I laughed, laying a hand on her arm. “No one should begrudge you the right to take your career in a different place than theirs. Believe me, if they’re actually mad at you, it’s because they’re jealous.” 

Louise smiled at me with a grateful expression. “Thank you, Claire. You’ve always been so kind to me. You know I wouldn’t come back for just anyone.” 

I grinned with a small shake of my head. “Oh, I know.” 

Jamie nodded to me as he walked past. I smiled in response. He was poised to keep going until he noticed who I was talking to. Freezing, his eyes went wide. “You’re Louise de la Tour,” he said, a bit in awe. 

She turned to look at him. “I am.” 

“Wow.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I’m a huge fan of yers. I’ve seen so many of yer movies. Ye’re a phenomenal actress.” 

She put a hand to her heart. “Well, thank you. And — I’m sorry — you are?” 

He smiled, holding out his hand. “No’ to worry, I’m a new face. I’m Jamie Fraser.” 

“He’ll be Peter,” I told her. 

She nodded, her eyebrows raising. “That’s right. I remember hearing you went with a no name.” She glanced back at Jamie. “No offense.” 

“None taken. I am a no name.” He laughed, waving her off. I couldn’t help but grin watching their interaction. There was a dark, disturbed part of me that wondered if he was flirting with her. 

“So, how does your husband feel about being back in New York?” I asked Louise, mentally shaking my head at myself. 

She shrugged in reply. “I think he’s happy with it. He always loved the place. And we’ll be here for a while, so I think he’s excited for some stability.” She glanced over at some of the other actors. “Anyway, I need to go catch Joe before you get things started. Lovely to meet you, Jamie.” 

“Lovely meeting ye as well,” Jamie said as she walked away. He turned back to me, his eyes wide. “This is a whole new experience for me. I’m afraid I’m no’ holding myself together well. I just avoided Joe Abernathy in general because I fear I’ll make a fool of myself.” 

I chuckled. “Jamie, these are your colleagues now. You better get used to being around them.” 

He nodded, looking back over at the other group. “I suppose ye’re right. It’s still just a wee bit crazy to me.” He leaned closer to me, whispering conspiratorially. “I still canna really believe ye actually wanted me to have the part.” 

“You wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t earned it,” I promised him. “Same as everyone else.” 

He smiled, looking down at his feet. “Thank ye, Sassenach.” 

His eyes went a bit wide at his name for me, like it had slipped out. I wanted to ask him what that word meant, but I didn’t want to make him stop calling me whatever nickname he’d given me. He walked off toward his chair and I took a moment to pull myself together. The man brought out the wrong side of me and I needed to make sure that at work I was nothing but the consummate professional I’ve always been. I began to wonder if I should have been worried about my own set of accusations. What if people thought I went daffy for my new lead? 

_ Would they be wrong _ ?

Shaking my head, I walked to my chair and stood behind it. I cleared my throat loudly, gaining the attention of most of the people in the room. Once the cast was seated and the crew behind them, I began my traditional start of production speech. 

“Welcome. Today is the first day of production which means that today is the first day of your new life. We have people in this cast and crew at every level of experience, but I’m going to treat you all as if you are completely new. Each director is different. I’m even different from the director I was three years ago. So, in a way, all of you are inexperienced in the ways of this show. But that’s not a bad thing. It’s good. It gives us a fresh look at our art. And in the end, gives us a better show. I expect the best from you and I hope you, in turn, expect the best from me. You all earned your place in this room, but you can easily be replaced if need be. I hope none of you take this opportunity for granted. Just think, right now, there is some high schooler somewhere who would  _ kill  _ to be in your shoes. So, don’t forget that. Put 100% of yourself into this performance and we’ll give the people the best that we can give them. Okay?” 

The rest of the room broke out in an applause of agreement, nodding their heads to me. “Great, then let’s get to work.” 

I pulled out my script and held it up to them. “We are going to read through the first act. After that, we will break for lunch. Once lunch is over, we will begin blocking scenes one and two. Alright?” Nods circled around the table like a messy version of the wave. “Great.” 

* * *

“So, production has officially started, right?” 

I was sitting at dinner with Uncle Lamb and he had barely waited for us to order drinks before jumping into my latest show. 

“That’s right.” 

“How are things going?” he asked, glancing up from his menu. 

“So far, so good,” I replied noncommittally. He shot me a look. “It’s just been the first week.” 

He nodded, sighing in agreement. “Alright, that’s fair. I read the script you gave me. This play sounds fantastic.” 

I smiled. “Yeah, I’m really excited about it. For a straight show, I think it’ll still get a lot of buzz. I mean, this playwright is incredible.” 

“Oh, yes indeed.” Uncle Lamb took a drink of his water. “Who did you end up casting in the lead?” 

My eyes closed for a split second. Even in my home life, I couldn’t get away from mention of Jamie. I knew Uncle Lamb was living vicariously through me. After he’d gotten sick, he hadn’t been able to return to the theatre. Each time I started a new play, he gave me the same rundown. There was no way for him to know what his current question was doing to me. And I’d never tell him. 

“We actually went with a new actor. Never been on Broadway before,” I informed him. 

He raised one eyebrow at me. “A no-name? Why, I’m impressed. I’d heard that Bradley Cooper was auditioning for the role.” 

I laughed into my drink. Hearing Uncle Lamb saying current non-stage celebrities names always amused me. “So he did,” I admitted. 

“Good for you for not casting based on name popularity.” 

I smiled. “What can I say? The man can’t do a Scottish accent to save his life.” 

“And this no-name can?” 

I nodded emphatically. “Yes, he’s actually Scottish.” 

Uncle Lamb chuckled. “Well, that’s basically cheating. But what a find.” I nodded in agreement. “What’s the man’s name?” 

“Jamie Fraser.” I took a deep breath, hoping my face didn’t betray any secrets. “His name is Jamie Fraser.” 


	5. There Was Something in the Air That Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! This is one of my favorite chapters of this story!

I walked onto the stage, clutching my cup of tea tightly. The cast that was required for the day was already gathered and were chatting amongst themselves. I set my things down on the table off Stage Left. Glancing over my shoulder, I noticed Jamie caught up in conversation with one of the actresses in the show, Laoghaire MacKenzie. I closed my eyes, shaking my head slightly, trying to ignore the impulse that immediately came to mind. 

“So you’re really Scottish?” I heard her ask. 

“Yes.” 

“My parents are Scottish!” she said excitedly. 

“Nice. Have ye ever been to Scotland?” I tried not to look in the general direction of their conversation, pretending instead to be checking my email before rehearsal started in earnest. 

“Oh, no. My parents were both born there though,” she replied. 

“Ah,” he said shortly. “Seems like I’d have a lot to talk about wi’ yer parents, then.” I choked back a laugh, covering it as a cough and finally gave into the urge to glance over. Jamie was walking away from her and onto stage. 

I followed him, calling everyone’s attention. “Let’s get started, people!” Opening my script, I turned to the right page. “Act One, Scene Five today,” I reminded them. The blocking was completed last week, now was seeing how it all worked. 

Jamie fell back by the bookshelf downstage and stared at his script intently. I found myself more and more often watching him as he worked on his craft. It was captivating to me to see how someone getting their first big role adjusted to it. Granted, almost everything he did was captivating to me, one way or another. It was a terrible spot to be in, but here I was. I backed off the stage, walking down to sit in the front and gestured for Joe to start. 

I watched as the words I’d been enthralled by were blended with the directions I’d provided and the actors’ own decisions. I treasured the magic of watching a show come together, of being able to watch a scene play out and mentally put a check mark by it, knowing it was completed enough to move onto another scene. John and I — and I suppose, Marilyn — had cast plays together a few times. I knew we were good at it. But watching the actors gel together and become something of their own while adopting their characters was always a thrill. I made notes as I watched it play out — things to correct, lines to emphasize, blocking to tighten. It was routine to me, and yet somehow still unique. I loved this part of it — watching it all come together, bit by bit. 

After hours of hard work, we finally broke for lunch. There would be more scenes to go through after lunch. I needed more caffeine and my favorite soup from the deli a few blocks away. I ran in, disappointed by the long line. Releasing a sigh, I resigned myself to wait. I wanted that damn soup. 

* * *

Jamie watched Claire leave as lunch time finally approached. He walked slowly out of the theater, deciding to find somewhere to eat on his own. By the time he was out on the street, he’d decided what sounded good. It had only been a few weeks ago that he’d found the place, just a few blocks from the theater. As he made his way there, his mind was on the way the morning had turned out. He kept hearing Claire’s notes in his mind as he waited for the next walk sign to turn. 

As it always did, thinking on Claire’s directions somehow morphed into just thinking about  _ Claire _ . It was terrible, and was certainly part of the reason he was reluctant to take the role in the first place. Second only to his fears of accusations and rumors. But then there was Claire, the gorgeous, smart, funny woman who was basically his boss now. And he knew exactly what she looked like when she fell apart. Nothing could happen — he reminded himself of that daily — but it didn’t mean there wasn’t a part of him that wanted it to. 

He opened the door to the deli, trying to shake Claire from his mind. Jamie would have laughed to himself if he wasn’t so surprised by the fact that Claire was standing in line, two people ahead of him. “Claire?” he asked, unable to pretend she wasn’t there. 

She turned around, looking past the people between them. A smile crossed her face and he hated himself for how much he felt it. Claire stepped out of line, letting the two people between them go ahead of her. “You like this place?” she asked. 

He nodded, looking around. “I’ve only been here a few times, but they’ve the best pastrami sandwich I’ve ever had.” 

Her nose wrinkled at his meal choice. “Really? That’s your go-to?” 

Jamie shrugged. “Why no’? It’s good.” 

“I guess if that’s what you like.” She turned back to look toward the counter. 

Jamie couldn’t let the conversation die. It was the first one they’d had in a long time that wasn’t somewhat related to the play. “Well, what’s yer go-to, then?” 

Claire turned back, a small grin on her face. “Their soup. It’s delicious.” 

“To each their own, I suppose.” 

“You’re not a soup person?” 

He shook his head. “Nah.” 

“What if you’re sick?” she pressed. 

One brow raised thoughtfully. “Perhaps if I’m sick, I’ll eat it. But I’m just no’ much of a soup person.” 

“Okay, so what do you eat if you’re stuck inside on a cold, rainy, Scottish day?” 

Jamie let out a loud laugh. “I dinna ken. A sandwich?” he replied with a shrug. “I dinna usually let the weather determine what I’m eating.” 

“Hmm.” Her face was towards the front again, as if she needed to decide what to get. “So, this pastrami sandwich,” she continued, “anything special about it?” 

“No pickle,” Jamie told her. “But other than that, no. Just a normal sandwich. And a side of chips. I’m no’ that fancy. Perhaps, one day, if I’ve been on Broadway for years and years, I’ll get a more pretentious order,” he teased. 

Claire whipped back around and shot him a look. She knew he was kidding, he could tell by the small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. “I don’t know how soup is pretentious.” 

“Is it a bisque?” he joked. 

“You’re impossible.” 

Claire stepped up to the counter when it was her turn to order. He stood a respectful distance back, even if he wanted to stand right next to her like they were together. At one point, she leaned closer to the register, talking in a smaller voice. The cashier nodded, glancing quickly at the line behind Claire. Paying and restashing her wallet, Claire held her hand out for the bag with her ready-to-go soup in it. She thanked the cashier and turned around. Giving Jamie a small smile, she walked out of the deli, most likely going right back to the theater. 

Jamie stepped forward to order and the cashier handed him a plastic number. He looked down at it with a confused expression. “That lady in front of you already placed and paid for your order,” she explained. “This is your number.” Jamie’s mouth hung open as he tried to process what she was saying. The woman cleared her throat and gestured for him to move aside. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled, walking over toward the pick up spot. He glanced out the door, waiting to see if Claire was lingering. She wasn’t. It didn’t really make sense why she’d pay for him. Either way, he was touched by the gesture, even if it did nothing to ease the way he felt about her. Adding unnecessary generosity to the list of her qualities, he waited for his number to be called. 

Jamie quickly ate his lunch at the deli, wishing he could think of anything but Claire. He couldn’t help but wonder if she ever had the same problems he did. Did she ever think of the night they’d spent together? Did she ever wonder what would have happened if it had been a different play he’d been auditioning for? Did she ever talk to him and then examine it all later? Rolling his eyes at himself, he took another bite of his sandwich. 

No, she probably didn’t do any of that. He got the distinct feeling that Claire wasn’t as pathetic as he was. She was a damn professional and had acted as such the entire time of production. It was only him that imagined that her praise was just for him. It was only him that pictured joining her after a day at the theater and spending the evening together. He needed to move past it, but it was nearly impossible when he spent all day with her. One day, he’d be able to move on. Well,  _ hopefully _ . But today, he was still caught up in how easy it was to be around her. In how delightful it was to hear her laugh. In the way his stomach clenched at the memory of her in his arms. 

As he threw away the remnants of his lunch, he tried to start building the facade he’d need to go back and face her again. 

* * *

Production continued and I was pleased with how things were progressing. There were plenty of long days that sometimes stretched into the night, but we were all determined to get things right. Straight shows had less production time than musicals (for obvious reasons), but I was ready to use each available minute we had to get things perfect. 

The cast, however, was not necessarily in agreement. 

I could see it in their eyes on days when I’d kept them too long, run them too ragged, repeated a scene too many times. I never apologized for it, because in the end, it would make us better. But, there was the soft part of me that wondered what they thought of me on those days. Would they all go out and berate me? Would I be called a stick in the mud or accused of having one up my arse? I’d heard those comments and worse. And while I never  _ enjoyed _ hearing it, I knew that they could bitch all they wanted because when opening night came, I’d have them in tip top shape whether they wanted it or not. 

One Friday, in the early evening, I could tell the cast was getting drained. It wasn’t in my nature to care  _ all _ that much, but for some reason, I did. I shortened the schedule from two scenes to the one we were working on. As soon as we finished it, I allowed them all to leave for the weekend. I’d justify it to myself with the reminder of other things I had to work on. A director’s job was more than just overseeing rehearsals, after all. 

I watched them all talking as they readied to leave. Gathering my things, I prepared to return to my office, but I was stopped as I packed my bag. 

“Claire,” Jamie said as he approached me, “I ken we’re done for the day, but I was hoping to ask ye a few questions about the script if ye had time.” 

Looking over at him, I nodded. “Of course. Wrapping up early was more for everyone else’s benefit.” 

“Ah, that’s kind of ye,” he commented. I smiled, pretending like I didn’t take it to heart. Pointing to his script, I reminded him of why he walked over. He shuffled it open to the page he wanted. “Okay, so in this scene — I was working on it and it just felt a bit...off.” 

“How so?” 

He started to explain what he wanted to be able to do and I was caught in another bout of being in awe of him. All actors found a way to connect to their characters, but watching Jamie work was just mesmerizing. The ideas he had and the way he wanted to do this monologue were brilliant. I felt myself nod along as he continued to elaborate on the scene. 

“How does that sound?” he asked, his face a bit nervous. 

I tilted my head, looking at him. “I think it sounds like you have a really good handle on your character,” I told him honestly. 

“Really?” 

I smiled and nodded insistently. “Yes, really.” 

A shy smile crossed his face. “Thank you. There was another scene I wanted to discuss wi’ ye.” He flipped pages quickly. “Alright, this one where he’s by himself at home, going over the revelation from the scene before. I’ve been doing it one way until the other night a different line jumped out at me and I thought of it from a different perspective. It changed everything to me.” 

“Okay. So how do you want to do it?” 

He looked at me, passion behind his eyes as he started to explain his new interpretation. Midway through his explanation, he was interrupted. 

“Jamie!” Laoghaire called, running onstage to grab his arm. He looked over at her with a stunned expression. “Since we’re off early, a bunch of us decided we’re going to go to a club. You should come with us!” she exclaimed, pulling his arm, trying to get him further from me. 

“I’m actually trying to go over some scenes right now,” Jamie told her, gesturing to his script and me. Laoghaire shot me a look. I knew she wasn’t my biggest fan. She couldn’t do anything about it, though, because I held her career in the palm of my hand. 

“Okay, well when you’re done, you should come meet us,” she insisted, playfully tugging on his arm. I tried to keep my face as neutral as possible. Jamie was nothing to me but one of the actors in my play. That’s all anyone needed to know. Laoghaire shouldn’t be bothering me so much. 

“Sorry, but no. I appreciate the offer, but it doesna really sound like my thing,” Jamie brushed off, trying to get his arm back. 

“Come on, you have to!” she whined. 

“He said no. And I rather thought no meant no,” I interjected. Grimacing at myself, I glanced over at Jamie but saw an amused expression on his face he was desperately trying and failing to hide. Laoghaire stared at me for a moment — glared, really. “Sorry, we’re just trying to get something accomplished here.” 

She let go of Jamie’s arm with a huff. “Sorry to interrupt,” she replied in a formal tone. The girl was halfway off the stage when she turned back. “Jamie, maybe when you’re done here, you’ll reconsider. I’ll text you where we’re going.” 

He rolled his eyes at his script. “Aye,” he called back without looking at her. When the door closed behind her, he released a sigh. “Sorry about that,” he said in a small voice. 

“Don’t worry about it. So, you were saying how you wanted to do that second monologue.”

“Aye,” he reminded himself. His eyes closed for a second, recentering himself. “Okay, so I was thinking…” he trailed off for a moment. Looking at me, he had a question in his eyes. “Do ye think I could just show ye what I was thinking instead of explaining it?” 

I took a step back, gesturing for him to take the stage. “Of course. Please do.” 

“Great,” he said as he stepped into place. I watched as he took a moment to get back into character. He was transformed in front of me. Words were coming out of his mouth but he was no longer Jamie; he was Peter. Following the directions already set for the scene, he acted out the monologue, this time with a new take on it. I found myself captivated, even more than usual when I watched him. It was an emotional scene and he was taking it to new heights. 

The monologue was interrupted by a loud notification from my phone. I cringed, holding my hand up in apology. “Sorry, sorry, sorry!” I grabbed my phone and looked down. “Oh, my food is on its way.” 

“Ye ordered in?” 

“Yeah, I have more work to do. It’s easier to just do it here. I won’t get distracted as easily by my TV,” I reasoned. 

Jamie laughed. “I suppose that makes sense.” He walked closer to me. “Would ye mind if I ordered something here as well? I have some other parts I wanted to ask yer advice on.” He took a deep breath. “I ken ye have other stuff to work on, though.” 

“Jamie, you have the weekend off. We don’t have to go over everything right now. You’re allowed to go enjoy your weekend. You’ll only get so many of them before it’s 8 shows in 7 days,” I reminded him. 

“I ken that, but I’d rather have my questions answered so that I can be rehearsing the way I should be,” he explained. My eyes widened slightly as I looked at him. “Is that stupid of me to say?” 

I shook my head, no words coming to mind for a moment. “No,” I said in a small voice. “It’s just…” I tried to think of how to explain it. “It’s just been a while since I worked with someone who was so  _ excited _ about it all. You know? I mean, take Joe for example. Joe loves what he does and you can see that, but he’s been doing it forever. I haven’t had someone in a while — maybe ever, actually — who asked my opinions on their performance and visibly put so much effort into it.” 

“Sorry,” he replied sheepishly. 

I reached out, grabbing his arm. “Jamie, that’s not a bad thing at all! It’s admirable. You’re taking it all so seriously and working your arse off and it’s wonderful.” 

He nodded, understanding what I meant. “I dinna want to squander the chance ye’ve given me.” 

“You’re not, I promise you. Nor will I think you’re squandering it if you take a weekend to just relax,” I assured him. 

“I still would rather get things down, if that’s alright wi’ ye. I can go, though, if ye’d rather work on yer other things or just have some time to yerself. I can –” 

“Jamie,” I interrupted him, “it’s fine. You’re welcome to stay.” 

He smiled, nodding at me. “Thank ye.” Pulling out his phone, he pointed to it. “I’ll, uh, take a minute to order something, if that’s alright.” 

I laughed lightly. “Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.” 

He clicked away on his phone before placing it back in his pocket. We workshopped scenes until both our orders had arrived. Jamie was ready to spread out on the stage and eat, but I motioned for him to follow me back to my office. I liked to eat at a table if ever possible. 

We sat on either side of my desk and I pointedly ignored the other work I needed to be doing. Conversation flowed easily between us. But then again, it always did. We talked about the play. About the cast. About John’s easily excitable spirit when it came to Broadway. We talked about everything. Everything  _ except _ us. 

“What made you want to become an actor?” I asked, verging dangerously close into personal territory. 

A sheepish look crossed Jamie’s face. “Ye’ll make fun of me.” 

“No, I will not!” 

He sighed deeply, like he was about to say something he’d regret. “Okay, so when I was 15-years-old, a tour of  _ Mamma Mia _ came to Edinburgh and my sister demanded I had to go wi’ her.” 

My mouth flattened into a line as I nodded for him to continue. 

His eyes narrowed at me briefly. “So, ridiculous as the show is, I was in awe of it all. They looked like they were having the time of their lives and I wanted to do that too.” 

“ _ Mamma Mia _ is a fine show,” I told him. “It’s just surprising to me that  _ that _ was the show that did it.” 

He shrugged. “So ye’ve seen it, then?” 

“I grew up on Broadway. I’ve seen everything.” 

A grin spread across his face, like he’d found a new challenge. “Okay, then what’s yer favorite show?” 

“Musical or straight show?” 

His eyebrows raised. “Both.” 

I felt the corner of my mouth tug into a small smile. “Straight show is  _ A Raisin in the Sun _ .” I could answer that easily. 

“And yer favorite musical?” His grin widened. I knew he could sense my hesitance. 

I sighed dramatically, not wanting to answer. More than one person had teased me when I told them my true answer. He raised one brow at me. “Fine. It’s  _ Phantom _ .” 

A laugh escaped him, though I knew he was trying to hold it back. “Why are ye so ashamed of that?” 

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Because as a part of the Broadway world, I feel like I’m supposed to have a more sophisticated choice.” 

“So, then, why  _ Phantom _ ?” he asked, a grin still on his face. 

“Well, it was one of the first musicals I ever saw. I was maybe 12 and something about the Phantom was just captivating. I think it might have been the mask. I think it awakened something within me.” 

Jamie laughed loudly. “Wow. So let’s say ye’re at a masquerade party. Are ye just wildly turned on the whole time?” 

I laughed in surprise at his question. It was a dangerous turn in conversation, to be sure, but I didn’t hate it. “Well thankfully, I’ve never been invited to a masquerade party. That could be a hairy situation.” 

He shook his head, continuing to laugh. “I’ll give ye this, it is a verra entertaining show. And that soundtrack. “Music of the Night” is so good.” 

“I always liked “Think of Me,” personally.” I swallowed, cursing myself. The song seemed a bit too poignant at the moment. Just looking at him across my desk, one line rang through my head.  _ Don’t think about the way things might have been _ . 

Jamie nodded, a polite smile still on his face. “Aye. That’s a good one as well.” His expression almost seemed strained. 

For the first time, I considered what he might think of our situation. Shaking my head to myself, I was reminded of his reaction to knowing  _ me _ . I cleared my throat, trying to get past this moment I’d accidentally gotten myself into. “What about you? What are your favorites?  _ Mamma Mia _ ?” I asked, teasing him. 

It got the desired effect. He laughed a bit, shaking his head. “Nah.” 

“So what are they?” 

“My favorite straight show is  _ Much Ado About Nothing _ .” 

“Really?” 

“It’s Shakespeare! Tis just a classic. And no’ as depressing as any of the dramas,” he reasoned. 

I nodded slightly. “I’m surprised as a Scot you’re not saying the Scottish Play.” 

“And potentially curse us? We’re in a theater!” He chuckled. “As for my favorite musical…” He tapped his chin, thinking. “Do I have to have seen it?” 

“You can’t say  _ Hamilton _ if you haven’t seen it!” I declared. 

He laughed. “How did ye ken that was what I meant.” I just raised an eyebrow. His eyes narrowed in my direction. “Have ye seen it?” 

I fought a smile as I leaned back in my chair. “Yes. I actually saw it Off-Broadway.” He glared at me, shaking his head. “You’re the one who asked!” I couldn’t help but make him a bit more irritated with me. “And then I saw it a couple of times on Broadway as well,” I informed him, following up with a small snicker. 

“Ye’re the worst,” he informed me. “What are ye going to say next, that ye’re close friends with Lin-Manuel Miranda?” 

I laughed loudly, leaning forward. “I wish. He seems like a cool guy. Sadly, no, we’re not friends. Although, I did meet him once.” 

Jamie’s glare returned. “Let me guess, at the Tony’s.” 

I nodded happily. “Yes, in fact.” I took a sip of my water. “You never said what your favorite musical is. If you don’t tell me, I’m just going to assume it’s  _ Mamma Mia _ .” 

“Ah, yes. It’s actually  _ Rent _ .” 

I smiled fondly as I leaned back in my chair. “A classic for certain. You can’t really beat “Seasons of Love.”” 

He nodded his agreement. “Aye. Ye missed it the other day when we broke out into it in the green room.” 

My eyes went wide. “You’re kidding.” 

Jamie shook his head. “No, I’m no’. And I can tell ye, myself included, that there’s a reason some of us are no’ in a musical right now,” he informed me with a guffaw. 

“Can you make this organically happen again when I’m around?” I practically pleaded. “I would love to witness some trainwreck like that.” He laughed, but I grew a bit serious. “Those types of fun moments never seem to happen when I’m around.” When I finally looked up at him, he had an almost sympathetic expression on his face. “Don’t worry, I know it’s because they don’t like me.” 

“They like ye,” he tried. 

“Jamie, you don’t have to –” 

“No, they do. They’re just a bit scared of ye,” he explained. My eyebrows rose. “Ye’re pretty much their boss, though.” 

“So, you’re saying I’m the scary bitch boss?” 

“I wouldna say that. Tis more like the boss ye’re intimidated by, but have an immense respect for.” Looking at him, I could see the earnestness on his face. “It’s clear ye ken what ye’re doing and that ye’re no’ afraid to ask what ye want. They’re afraid of pissing ye off.” 

“What about you?” 

Jamie locked eyes with me. I could feel something between us, but I couldn’t name it. “That immense respect sounds about right.” 

I felt the warmth of his statement, a small smile spreading on my face. “But are you afraid of me?” 

“Do you think I’d be sitting here if I was?” He sighed as he sat back in his chair. “I’m perhaps a bit afraid that at some point, ye’ll realize ye made the wrong choice casting a no name and ye’ll want Bradley Cooper.” 

I laughed. “That’s one thing you don’t have to be afraid of, Jamie. I promise you that.” 

He smiled, looking down at his clasped hands in his lap. “So what’s yer favorite part of a show?” 

I knew my answer, but it seemed a bit cliche. “Opening Night,” I told him. He could sense there was more and nodded for me to continue. “It’s when everything’s come together. The play has been cast. The lighting cues are set. The music is selected. The costumes are finished. The blocking is done. The rehearsals are over. And it’s time to see if it’s all come together in the right way. It’s terrifying in a way, but so exhilarating. Seeing it all fall into place — the months of planning it — and suddenly, it’s there. People are seeing it and hopefully enjoying it. It’s what I love most about directing. Getting to the part where it’s not just all in my head.” 

An impressed look crossed his face. “I like that answer. Soon enough ye’ll be there again.” 

I nodded thoughtfully. “What about you? What’s your favorite part of a show?” 

“The curtain call,” he told me without hesitation. I raised one brow. “Ye just see how happy they all are. They did it, usually with no big disasters. And they come together and seem genuinely thrilled to be there. It’s the first time ye get to see them as people and no’ just their characters, ye ken?” I smiled as I nodded. “I canna say why, but I’ve just always loved to watch the curtain calls.” 

“I could see as an actor why that would be your favorite.” I tilted my head a bit, looking at him. “You’re almost there too.” 

He took a deep breath, nodding at me. His wrist turned and he took a glance at his watch. “Shit,” he whispered. “I’m sorry, Claire. I’ve kept ye from yer work and now it’s late.” 

I looked at my own watch and found he was right. I’d have probably been home by now if I’d eaten by myself. We’d gotten caught up in conversation and chatted for hours without really realizing it. I hated how comfortable it all felt. It shouldn’t be this easy with the person I couldn’t be with. I shook my head at him. “It’s okay. There are other days for it.” I sat forward to throw away my takeout box. “And this wasn’t  _ totally _ unpleasant.” 

Jamie grinned, seeing through my comment. “Well, I should get going.” 

“If you wait just a moment, I’ll walk out with you,” I told him as I packed up my bag. Some of my work I could do at home this weekend. He waited by the door til I was ready to go. We walked side by side, but far enough apart that our hands wouldn’t accidentally touch. Just in case, I pulled my hand up and held it on the crossbody strap of my bag. 

When we got outside, I turned to lock up. The janitorial squad was long gone. That should have been my indicator that Jamie and I had stayed too long. We had been oblivious to anything that wasn’t us. I tried to ignore what that could mean.  _ It means nothing _ , I insisted mentally. 

“Do ye, uh, need any help getting home,” Jamie offered. 

“I have successfully done so every other day of my adult life, but thank you,” I teased. He blushed a bit, shaking his head. “I appreciate the offer,” I added. “Besides, your home is a lot further away.” 

His eyes landed on mine, holding my gaze for a moment. And I’d done it. I’d acknowledged the fact that I knew where he lived. The entire time we’d been working together, we’d done our best to pretend that night had never happened. But my comment brought it all back and I could see it in his eyes. I’d broken the unsaid rule. 

“Ye live somewhere verra nice, don’t ye?” he asked, his tone light. I was thankful for his ability to just sidestep that moment. 

“I don’t know,” I avoided. “Is Central Park West nice?” 

He shook his head with a small laugh. “Perhaps.” His eyes rolled a bit. “Christ, ye probably thought my place was a dump.” 

I stared at him for a moment. He was breaking the unsaid rule, too. “I didn’t,” I promised him. His eyes lingered on me longer than I was expecting. I took a deep breath. “Besides, if we’d have gone to my place, the jig would have been up pretty fast.” 

“What, do ye have yer name in lights across yer flat?” he teased. 

“Thankfully, I’m not quite  _ that _ conceited.” 

“Would it have been yer Tony Award wi’ yer name carved in it then?” he pressed, somehow reading my mind. 

“Perhaps.” 

“I would imagine it’s prominently displayed.” 

“Perhaps,” I repeated. 

“As it should be.” He swallowed harshly. “Then, I suppose it’s a good thing we didna go there.” His eyes were on his feet now. My breath drew short at his comment. Maybe he didn’t regret it after all. I knew I didn’t, even after all the awkwardness. 

“I suppose,” I whispered. 

Our eyes met again and held. There were so many things I wanted to say. So many things I wanted to ask him. I couldn’t. And he couldn’t answer them. I didn’t know how he felt, but the feeling of his eyes watching me brought back that spark I’d felt that night. The same spark I’d felt several times since then, but only in his presence. 

Finally, he cleared his throat. “It’s late. You should be getting home.” 

I wanted more than anything to invite him home with me. But yet again, I couldn’t. Instead, I just nodded. “Yeah.” I took a deep breath. “Goodnight, Jamie.” 

“Goodnight, Claire.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've really appreciated the comments and support for this story! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	6. I Would Do Anything to Keep You Off My Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is posting early because I have another fic I'll be posting next week as part of the second One Quote, One Shot challenge on Tumblr! We'll be back to Monday postings after this week! :)

As production carried on, I began to notice it more. It wasn’t the same. I knew why. There wasn’t some unknowable reason that things felt off, that my joy wasn’t quite the same, that keeping a formal facade felt harder. It was Jamie. It was the way my feelings for him grew the longer I was around him. And to be honest, I hated it. I wished I’d cast him and then found out he was a raging asshole. But instead, I’d cast him and found out that I was right with my initial instincts of him. He was a good man and so easy to be around. Everyone thought so. He was warm and spirited. His excitement for the show was contagious. But I was keeping my distance, so I couldn’t feel it. 

The night we’d sat talking in my office had only made things worse for me. Up until that night, I’d been pretty good at ignoring the way I felt — or better yet, denying it. But then that night happened. Now, I couldn’t ignore it. At night, I’d lay awake remembering the way he’d looked at me as we conversationally danced around the biggest elephant in the room. We’d acknowledged the events between us, but that hadn’t even been the worst part. Our conversations had been so easy. As if they were simply between a couple, conversing over dinner, catching up on their days. 

_ And I wanted that to be it _ . 

So, I’d withdrawn. Professionalism was important, above everything else. Jamie’s fear had been accusations that called us both into question. Well, no accusations could be made if it seemed like the director hated the lead actor. 

I didn’t hate him.  _ Far from it _ . But, I didn’t know how to be around him, not without hurting myself more. Withdrawing was easier. If anyone seemed to notice, they didn’t say anything. Once or twice, I caught John looking at me with a curious gaze. For the first time in his life, he seemed to have learned to keep his mouth shut. 

And as for Jamie, well, he kept his distance too. 

We had three weeks left until previews. I was making sure everything was perfect. That was my job, after all. John and I scuttled around behind the scenes to keep everything in order and keep the ship running. If I came down harder on the cast during these times, it was only because it was imperative. Previews came ahead of Opening Night. Both were important, but previews determined how well we sold at Opening Night. 

I could tell that I was feeling more burnt out than usual. The awareness didn’t help the burn out, though. It felt like I’d been running a race and was close, but still too far from the finish line for the little energy I had left. It wasn’t usually like this. I lived for directing, for getting it all to come together. But this time was different. I didn’t have the same verve for it that I usually did. And my reason why was pathetic. 

What kind of woman was I to just let a man distract me into ignoring my career? And he wasn’t even doing it on purpose. He distracted me just by  _ being there _ . 

That was how I found myself at a bar by myself on a Thursday night. I needed to drown my sorrows and give myself a pep talk. I was going to let the whisky do the talking. As I plopped down at the bar, a sad sound escaped me. It was then that I realized I’d gone to the same bar where I’d met Jamie. My head fell to my hands. Even when I wasn’t trying, it all came back to Jamie. I wanted him out of my mind. I wanted a do-over, with a fantastic actor for my lead role that I hadn’t had a one night stand with, who was stuck with me and making me feel things I shouldn’t be feeling. 

Resisting the tears that felt ready to spring to my eyes, I ordered a drink. I didn’t know how long I sat there nursing it. When I finished that one, I ordered another. Drinking may not solve my problems, but it didn’t hurt to try. I was still only on my second drink when I thought I heard his voice. I thought surely, it must just be my mind playing tricks on me. But then I looked up and saw him across the bar, same as last time. 

Except that he was with Laoghaire. 

I stared, ignoring how things were playing out so similarly. I knew, though, that I’d be going home alone this time. As I watched him, I wondered if he would too. 

Laoghaire was obsessed with him. It was obvious to everyone. I’d heard Joe and Louise joking about it once. But I’d genuinely thought Jamie didn’t care for her. That night we’d had dinner, he’d seemed annoyed by her. 

Perhaps that was just what I wanted to think. 

I don’t know how long I was staring at him, but suddenly, he looked up and saw me. I saw the memory on his face. His eyes cut to the side, noting the girl next to him before looking back at me. He could tell what I was thinking. We stared at each other, neither of us moving this time. He didn’t come to me and I didn’t go to him. I couldn’t. How could I talk to him when my heart inexplicably felt like it was being stomped on? I had no claim on the man, but I wanted to snatch him from the other woman. But how could I tell anyone that when all we’d had was one night? I could barely explain it to myself. 

Laoghaire demanded his attention again and his eyes shifted from me. I felt cold in their absence. I pounded back the rest of my drink, turning to get off my chair. 

“Claire!” Laoghaire called from across the bar. 

I closed my eyes, rolling them behind the lids, before I turned to look at them again. She was waving to me from across the bar. I wondered if she knew what she was doing. She hated me. I would have imagined she’d pretend I wasn’t there. Instead, she walked over to where I sat, dragging Jamie behind her. 

“What brings you here, Claire?” she asked, a too sweet smile on her face. 

“I’m sure she decided to come wi’ the rest of the cast,” Jamie quickly answered for me. “Since that’s why we’re here.” His eyebrows raised slightly, trying to convey his message. 

“I didn’t realize anyone invited Claire,” Laoghaire said bluntly. 

I shot her a strained smile. “No one did. Serendipity, I suppose.” I grabbed my purse. “I was just leaving, actually.” 

“Oh no,” the other woman said with fake kindness. Her head turned and she looked in a different direction. “A booth just opened. I’m going to go grab it!” she told Jamie, patting him on the arm. 

He didn’t acknowledge her comment, just looked down at me. “Ye should stay.” 

“No one wants me here,” I responded. 

“I do,” he answered quickly, his face grimacing a bit. “And I’m sure Louise and Joe would enjoy yer company. I think John’s going to be here,” he recovered. Of course. It couldn’t be about him. 

“I appreciate it, but Laoghaire was right. No one invited me.” I stood up, turning to go, but he caught my arm. 

“Claire,” he whispered. 

I looked back at him. We were standing nearly where we’d been when we’d left together that night. And we both knew it. “Don’t, Jamie.” 

“Ye dinna have to go.” 

I looked down at his hand still on my arm, fighting off all the emotions coursing through me — all the feelings I’d been trying to shove down. I cleared my throat. “Yes, I do. I can’t —” I cut myself off. I couldn’t let him know the war raging within me. I pulled my arm back slowly. Without looking at him, I turned to go. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

I could hear Laoghaire calling his name as I walked away from him. I was just outside the door when I passed Joe and John entering. 

“Beauchamp!” Joe called. “I didn’t know you were coming to get a drink with us.” 

“I’m not. Happy coincidence. Anyway, I’m going,” I told them, waving and walking away before either of them could try to convince me to stay. 

I hid my face as I spotted Louise and another couple of actresses from the show. The less people I ran into that I knew, the better. I was losing steam, about to crash. No one needed to see that. I just hoped I could hold it all in until I closed myself into my own home. 

I’d managed to do so and was changed into comfier clothes when a knock sounded through the apartment. I frowned, looking at the time. Who would be calling at this hour? My mind flickered to Jamie, but I reminded myself that he didn’t know where I lived. 

Opening my door, I saw that it was John. He wore a nervous expression. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“I wanted to talk to you.” He walked in past me, not even waiting for me to welcome him in. 

“Great. What’s up that can’t wait til tomorrow?” I closed the door and walked toward my living room where he was now sitting. I crossed my arms and stared at him expectantly. 

“You’re off,” he said, not unkindly. “I don’t know why, but something is off. And I want you to know that I’m here.” 

I deflated a bit. “You noticed, then?” 

He shot me a sad look. “We’ve worked together plenty of times, Claire. I think I know you pretty well. I can predict how you’ll be at nearly every stage of production, down to the tricks you’ll use to get past the building anxiety. But this time...it’s different.” He took a deep breath. “I’m not accusing you of anything. You’re still doing an amazing job and the show is still going to be great. I just can tell that something’s off with you, personally.” 

I sank down into a chair opposite him with a sigh. “I was hoping I was doing a better job of hiding it.” 

“I think you are hiding it from everyone else,” he reassured me. “But you can’t hide these things from friends.” I nodded, debating what to say to him. “You want to tell me what’s going on? Maybe I can help.” 

“You can’t.” 

He tilted his head, giving me a look. “Try me.” 

I felt the tears I’d held back earlier well up in my eyes. “I promise you there’s nothing you can do.” 

“I can listen,” he offered. 

I took a deep breath, debating how much I could say. “You’re right. Things have been different this time.” He leaned forward, encouraging me to continue. “During auditions, I...met someone. It wasn’t much of anything, it didn’t go very far. But I wanted it to. Very badly. And that feeling hasn’t gone away.” 

“So, why not try to be with this person?” 

“We can’t,” I confessed. I shook my head, trying to sort through the information I could give him. “It wouldn’t…” I trailed off, not knowing how to finish my statement.  _ It wouldn’t work _ . That seemed bloody wrong. I knew we’d work.  _ It wouldn’t be right _ . I’d met plenty of other couples who’d met through work. It wouldn’t really be wrong.  _ It wouldn’t last _ . I thought of the easiness between us, and damn, if it didn’t make me wonder. 

“Why can’t you be with this person?” John pressed. “Legally? Reputationally?” 

“Is that a word?” 

He rolled his eyes. “Really? That’s what you’re focusing on right now? You’re stalling. Stop. Come on.” He fixed me with a hard stare. “Claire, I promise you that anything you have to say to me will stay between us. Okay?” 

The first tear rolled down my cheek. 

“Do you remember the morning we were casting male leads?” He nodded. “I came in and you told me I looked like shit.” 

He laughed to himself. “Yes, I did. And frankly, you did.” 

I let out a wet laugh. “Yeah, I probably did.” I swallowed thickly, preparing to tell him more of the truth. “The night before, I’d gone out to a bar and met him. We went home together and, well…” 

“Sure. So did something happen after that?” 

That was when I fell silent again. I could tell John was eager to know the whole truth. I felt more tears trickle down my cheeks. 

“Claire, come on. Safe space.” 

My voice was a whisper. “It was Jamie.” 

“What?” 

I huffed. “The guy from the night before auditions was Jamie.” 

“Jamie  _ Fraser _ ?” 

“Yes.” 

I watched as his mind tried to sort itself out. “Hold up, you and  _ Jamie _ ? You slept together?” 

I closed my eyes as I nodded. “Look, I didn’t know who he was. I gave him a fake name and he didn’t know who I was. We slept together and then the next morning, I went to auditions.” 

“But wasn’t that the same morning  _ he _ auditioned?” 

“Exactly.” 

John’s mouth dropped open. “Wow.” 

“I was the reason he almost didn’t take the part,” I confessed. 

He shook his head, trying to process it all. “Why?” 

“Because he didn’t want to be accused of sleeping with the director to get the part.” 

“But he didn’t know who you were. And Marilyn and I both wanted him and we didn’t know you’d slept together,” he pointed out. “Probably a good thing too, because I think Marilyn would have been jealous.” 

I sputtered out a laugh. “Yeah, I made that case as well.” 

“Wait, if he didn’t want to take it because of that, what made him decide to accept the part?” 

I paused, deciding if I should go back to lying. I was in too deep, I had to keep telling the truth. “I convinced him to.” 

“With your body?” 

I threw the nearest pillow at him. “John!” 

“What? He’s apparently into you!” 

“You bloody bastard!” I shook my head at him. “No, rather the opposite. His problem was me, so I volunteered to step down as director if he would take the part.” John gaped at me. “I knew how perfect he was for it and I knew how desperately you wanted him to have the part and it seemed like the only way for it to happen.” 

His hands slid down his face. “You were willing to give up your  _ job _ to make him take the part?” 

“I could have gotten another one,” I mumbled. 

“Claire, that’s huge.” He shook his head. “Were you ever going to tell me this?” 

“No, of course not. It was my secret shame.” 

“Claire, you didn’t know who he was! It’s not like you let him sleep with you to actually get the role. That’s when it would be shameful.” I nodded, unsure how to respond. I’d told myself as much a hundred times before. “So, was it his decision to keep you on or did you back out on your promise?” 

I glared at him. “It was his decision. That was why he called the meeting with us.” 

There was a long silence between us as John absorbed all the information. “Wow.” He sighed. “So now you want to be with Jamie.” I closed my eyes, sending more tears down my cheeks. I nodded, unable to say it out loud. “Well, have you told him as much?” 

“God, no! He doesn’t want to be with me. I’m just the fool who can’t get past one fucking night together.” I laid my face in my hands. “Except that it wasn’t just one night.” 

“What?” John cried. 

I realized how that sounded. “I mean, we only slept together one night, but I didn’t feel this strongly for him just then. It certainly started then, but it got worse when I got to know him.” 

John nodded understandingly. “Yeah, he’s a charming guy.” He watched me for a moment. “Maybe you should tell him.” 

“Shut up, John. I’m not putting myself out there when I know I’m just going to get shot down. I’m not a glutton for punishment.” 

“Why are you so convinced that he wouldn’t want to be with you? He went home with you, didn’t he?”

“Actually, I went home with him,” I clarified, though I wasn’t sure why. 

He chuckled. “Okay, fine. He  _ took you _ home with him. Why are you so sure that he won’t want you now?” 

“Because of the way he acted after his audition,” I told him. “He seemed genuinely pissed every time he saw me. And told me, in no uncertain terms, that the reason he didn’t want to take the part was  _ me _ . How am I supposed to turn around and beg him to be with me? And what about his fear of the rumors? That’s valid!” 

John rolled his eyes. “You think too much.” 

“Yeah, well the last time I didn’t think too much, I got myself in this position.” 

John’s eyes lingered on me as a silence filled the room. “So how good was he?” 

“ _ John _ !” 

“I would guess if you’re  _ this  _ hung up on the guy, it was pretty darn good.” 

“I hate you right now.” 

“Look, Claire, no one would look down on you for dating an actor,” John tried to assure me. “It happens  _ all the time _ . You know it does. Marilyn’s married two different actors.” 

“Yes, because you know I spend my life wanting to emulate  _ Marilyn _ .”

“Fine, forget about her. But do you really want to be this miserable?” he asked. “Production is your favorite part and this time, you’re not acting like you.” 

I felt my face crumple. I knew everything he said was true. I’d recognized it myself that I wasn’t enjoying it all the same as I usually do. But I knew that Jamie’s career was more important than my feelings. He knew it too. It’s why he’d avoided me the same way I’d avoided him. I couldn’t be the one to bring him down.

“I don’t know how to get past this, other than to do what I’ve been doing. Keep my head down and keep going. Focus on the show.” 

“And how’s that working for you?” 

I glared at him. 

“Look, I appreciate your concern. And your future  _ discretion _ ,” I said, pausing to give him a look. He nodded. “But the wall is too big to climb. It’s best for me to just stay on my side and pretend the wall isn’t there.” 

John rolled his eyes. “I disagree with you, but I can tell you’re not going to budge. Don’t worry, I’ll keep your secret.” He stood up, turning to leave. “If it helps, I don’t think anyone else has noticed.” 

I stood up to see him out. “It does, thank you.” 

He nodded, offering me a sad smile. “You’d be a catch, Beauchamp. Think about it.” 

I smiled in appreciation, already knowing I wouldn’t take his advice. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

As I closed the door behind him, I felt a weight lifted. I still couldn’t be with Jamie. I still couldn’t tell him how I felt. But sharing the truth with John had helped. However small, a weight had been lifted. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the support for this fic! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	7. It's Bad Luck to Say Good Luck on Opening Night

Next week was previews. Jamie knew how important they were, mainly because Claire never let them forget it. Reviewers and hand-picked guests would come to see the show before it opened. If they got shitty reviews, they wouldn’t be open for long. That was how it worked. Or at least, that was how Claire and John assured them it worked. The members of the cast who’d done this multiple times started to get quieter in the days approaching previews. The set was filled with an eerie silence during breaks between scenes. 

Jamie used that time to make sure his performance was in tip-top shape. It was now up to him to perfect things as best he could. Occasionally, he’d ask Joe for advice, or sometimes Louise. And both of them were very eager to listen and tell him how to do what he wanted to. He used to go to Claire, but then she’d started avoiding him. 

But as previews approached, the other actors sequestered themselves during down time. Jamie wanted someone to talk to. Ideally, he wanted to talk to Claire, but he couldn’t. He spent the few minutes they had during their long-awaited break thinking of her. There wasn’t much more he could tweak on his performance that he hadn’t already tried before. There was no one else to talk to. And so his mind went to Claire. 

It happened pretty much constantly. She was always on his mind, one way or another. It had only grown worse as production carried on. He spent every day with her, in awe of her, wanting to be with her. But they couldn’t. The night they’d spent in her office had been really nice. It had felt so natural to be around her, to talk with her for hours. But since that night, he’d barely spoken to her, outside of her giving directions and him asking questions. 

The night he’d gone to the bar with the cast, he’d been the one to throw out the suggestion of which bar. Someone had said to yell out a bar and he called out the first one that came to mind. Of course it was where he’d met Claire. She was the only thing that was ever on his mind. He’d gone ahead with Laoghaire to grab a table, cursing everyone else for sticking them together on a mission. When he looked up and saw Claire looking back at him, he almost thought he was imagining it. But she held her stare until Laoghaire demanded his attention. He could tell what she thought, that he was there on a date or something with Laoghaire. There would have been no easy explanation of why he ran over to her, desperate to explain what the situation really was. So he’d stayed put. When Laoghaire headed over to her, he made his best effort to show Claire it wasn’t something romantic. He’d wanted her to stay so badly. Watching her walk away with a crushed look on her face had killed him. 

It had also confused him. She’d been the one keeping her distance from him. Granted, once she started, he’d followed suit. He could take a hint. But the look she gave him at the bar, the air between them as he asked her to stay, it seemed like it was something more. He wanted to chase after her, to make her tell him what she was thinking. Instead, he turned when he heard his name being called and sulked over to where the group was starting to form. 

That night, he laid awake in bed, contemplating every step of his relationship to Claire. The night they’d met, it was pure fire, pure passion. It came back to him in flashes, often at the wrong time.  _ The way it felt to brush her knee in the bar, to see her react. The way she whispered in his ear, asking him to take her home. The sounds she’d made as he pressed her to the wall of his stairs. The taste of her. The feel of her. The way she looked with her hair spread out across the pillow as he watched her sleep. _ Things had obviously taken an awkward turn from auditions. But for a while, he felt like they were maybe at least friends. They’d talk occasionally, but always in a friendly manner. And that night in her office was the most comfortable he’d been since he’d auditioned for the play. 

She’d drawn back though. And now he didn’t know what they were. Perhaps nothing more than an actor and his director. When he was hesitantly accepting the role, that was the relationship he’d wanted for them. After spending weeks with her and getting to know her better, it wasn’t the relationship he wanted for them anymore. He wanted more. She was his boss, though, and he’d respect that, no matter how much it crushed him. Claire Beauchamp was off limits, and he was fairly sure it was his own doing. 

So, now, it was almost previews and his mind was running in a million different circles. He felt like he had whiplash from how fast his mind would snap between thoughts of Claire and trying to focus on his performance. His head fell back against the wall where he sat, looking through the script one more time. Perhaps if he stared at it hard enough, he could unleash the secrets it held. Or maybe he was just losing his mind. 

“Everybody!” Claire yelled from the stage. Without any hesitance, Jamie jumped up and strode quickly back to the stage. 

He knew Laoghaire and Louise had been going over a scene on the stage. He wondered if they’d done something to set Claire off this way. The cast collected on stage, looking nervously toward their director. Jamie spotted John lingering off Stage Right, watching her curiously. 

Claire sighed grandly, looking at everyone in front of her. “People, previews are  _ next week _ .” Silence followed her statement. She paced in front of them. “It looks good, but it doesn’t look  _ great _ and that’s what we fucking need.” 

Laoghaire was her first victim. “For the love of God, Laoghaire, you could convey some emotion in your face while you’re performing. It wouldn’t kill you.” 

Louise was next. “Louise, you need to tighten up the second act, particularly scene five. That is the most important scene for you and if you don’t nail it, the rest of the actors are going to fall flat.” 

She turned to the rest of the cast. “And for those of you who are in scenes but don’t speak in that scene, it is alright to react! You don’t have to stand there like a statue until the next time you speak. Humans move, they listen to conversations, their faces display what they’re thinking. You’re allowed to do that as an actor. I genuinely thought a lot of this would be fixed by now — that you’d realize it on your own. I suppose not.” 

A few more scared souls got called out by name. Jamie waited, anxious for when it was his turn. He glanced over at Joe and noticed the amused look on his face. Joe’s eyes caught Jamie’s and he gave him a look that said “I’ve been waiting for this.” Jamie felt his face start to match Joe’s. 

“And Jamie and Joe,” she called, glaring at the two of them. “You may not have been called out by name this time, but you can wipe those smug grins off your faces. The two of you are far from perfect. You’re just not doing anything at present to warrant my wrath.” Jamie felt his face go slack, perhaps a bit of shock replacing the amusement. He nodded slightly in return. 

“People, previews are what determines it all. It makes people buy tickets. And tickets mean money. And money means we run longer. We don’t want to be dead on Opening Night. Pretend you’re professional actors and get your fucking acts together. You’ve all been in a show before right?” No one replied. “Well it’s time to start acting like it. Get back to work. Act II, Scene VI.” 

They all scuttled around and got in places. Jamie sat in the chair across the stage from where Claire stood. He watched her as lighting was setting up the scene. He saw the tension and exhaustion on her face. More than anything, he wanted to wrap her up in his arms and remind her of how great she was, of how the show was going to be fine. He wanted to be able to comfort her. While he couldn’t comfort her with his arms or his words, he  _ could _ comfort her with his performance. If he nailed it all — every line, cue, or movement — maybe that could make her feel relief.

* * *

Previews had, thankfully, gone rather well. I checked a few reviews online and we’d gotten high praise. John and I had shared a relieved smile the first day we walked into the theater after reviews came out. It was a handful of reviewers, enough to entice people to buy tickets and to encourage other critics to come see the show. John picked the people who were allowed to come to previews and he never failed to pick the right people. This was part of why I continued to work with him. 

We had a few days to tweak what needed it, but then it was Opening Night. I entered the theater, preparing myself for the chaos that always accompanied the first night of a show. I took a pitstop in my office to take a breather before standing in front of the cast and crew. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was just as nervous as they were. 

Most of the cast was in makeup or getting into their costumes when I found them. Jamie turned toward me, throwing me off with his dazzling smile. I returned a half-hearted one. When everyone was ready, we congregated backstage. I stood before them, ready to give one more pep talk. 

“It’s Opening Night, people,” I told them, needlessly. “We made it. You all know exactly what you need to do today and I have no doubt that you’ll pull it off. You’re all the people we wanted in these roles and on this stage. I trust in each and every one of you to go out there and put on one hell of a show. You can do this!” 

An echo of “Yeahs” and “Thanks” came from the group before me. I nodded to them, urging them to take one more moment to themselves before we found our places in ten minutes time. 

I walked off toward the stage, grabbing my headset, and communicating with the crew. A tap on my shoulder made me turn around. Uncle Lamb stood before me with the brightest smile on his face. I immediately wrapped him in a tight hug. Suddenly, it all felt right again. “You’re here,” I said stupidly. 

He gave me a look. “Of course I’m here. It’s your Opening Night. Where else would I be?” 

“Thank you,” I told him taking his hand. “I love you, Lamb.” We didn’t say it often, but I always meant it. 

He squeezed my hand back. “I love you, too, my dear sweet Claire. I’ve heard very promising things and I know you’re going to knock ‘em dead!” 

I felt tears brimming in my eyes. “Thank you.” I saw the house lights blinking. “You should go take your seat.” 

Lamb nodded to me once, flashing me another big smile. “Break a leg, Darling.” 

I watched him walk back out to the house, no doubt sitting in the front row like he always did. I knew I owed my career to him, but his support of me sometimes still blew me away. 

Pulling myself together, I watched as the actors found their places. I was backstage, finishing up checking with a crewman when I spotted Jamie. He was shaking out his hands, seemingly deep in his mind. I was almost hesitant to approach him, lest I shake him from whatever process he was in. 

He looked up and saw me. I took a few more steps toward him, still staying an appropriate distance away. “Break a leg,” I told him. 

Smiling at me, he nodded. “Thank ye, Sassenach.” 

I couldn’t fight my responding smile, so much as I wanted to. The name only came out occasionally, and not since the night in my office. I stared at him for a moment. A bit longer than I should have. All my feelings from the past few months welled up inside me, making me feel almost out of control. I reached forward, grabbing his hand. “You’ll be great.” 

Jamie looked at our hands before looking up at me. “Thank you.” 

The moment ended and I let go of him, walking past him to continue making sure things were running on schedule backstage. I stepped up next to John. He looked over at me with a comforting smile. No one had been around as I’d had my moment with Jamie. But John’s smile comforted my hurting heart all the same. “We did it,” he whispered to me as the house lights started to dim. “Well, really,  _ you _ did it.” 

I smiled, knocking my shoulder into his. “Thanks, John. I couldn’t have done it without you.” I cupped my hand around the headset and spoke into it. “Okay, curtain up. Lights on. Enter Jamie.” 

* * *

The show had gone spectacularly. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face as I met with fellow Broadway directors who’d stepped out to see the show or friends who’d come to support me. It had all come together beautifully. My favorite part of a show had landed just the way I wanted it to. I spotted various members of the cast heading out as I walked around backstage. I’d heard Louise was hosting some after party. I was fairly certain I hadn’t seen Jamie leave yet though. 

I knocked once on his dressing room door before I heard the call to come in. My smile was still on my face as I walked in, surprised by new people joining Jamie. He was out of costume, standing there with four other people. 

“Claire!” he greeted, a large smile on his face. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you,” I said, quickly turning to leave. 

“No, wait!” I turned back to see him, an arm stretched out. “Ye’re no’ interrupting. This is my family.” I looked around and suddenly I saw it. The older woman with the stark red hair, same as his. The smaller brunette woman next to him with the same eyes. The older man with a similar build. “Everyone, this is Claire...my director,” he quickly added. 

Before I had a moment to move past the sting from that title (even though I bloody was his director), his mother threw her arms around me, clutching me tightly to her. “It’s so lovely to meet ye, Claire!”

“Mam, for the love of God!” 

She pulled back and looked at me, a bashful look on her face. “Sorry. I’m a hugger. I just wanted to say thank ye for all ye’ve done for my son. Giving him this part and this huge opportunity.” 

My eyes glanced over to see Jamie looking embarrassed. A smile widened on my face. “Well, I promise you, I didn’t do all that much. He earned every bit of it. We couldn’t have cast him if he hadn’t been perfect for the role. And I mean, you saw it. You can see how great he is.” My last statement was more or less said to him. His eyes held mine. 

“Well, either way, we’re verra appreciative,” his father said, reaching out to shake my hand. 

“I’m just happy you all could come in from Scotland,” I replied. “That’s so wonderful.” 

“Och, well we couldna have missed the lad making his big break,” a younger man with light hair said, holding out his hand to me. “Ian Murray, Jamie’s brother-in-law. And best friend.” 

I laughed at the addition. “It’s a pleasure to meet all of you. Will you be able to stay long?” 

“Oh aye,” his sister replied. “We’re making a trip of it. Spending a whole week here.” 

“That’s lovely!” 

“Aye, we’ll be back to see a few more showings for Jamie,” his mother told me. “Of course, we did want to check out other shows while we’re here in New York.” 

“Yeah, Mam got us tickets to see  _ Hamilton _ ,” his sister said excitedly. 

I laughed as I watched Jamie’s face fall. “You’re fecking kidding me.” 

“No. I dinna ken how she did it and she willna tell us.” 

Both Fraser children turned to look at their mother. She just shrugged, a smug grin on her face. I liked her already. 

“Well, I won’t keep any more of your time. Jamie, I just wanted to tell you what a great job you did. It was lovely to meet all of you,” I said, trying to back out of the dressing room. 

“Claire,” Jamie called, stopping me again. “Are ye going to the after party, then?” 

I shook my head. “No, I don’t think so. It’s not usually my scene.” 

“But ye should!” Jamie insisted. “Tis as much for ye as it is for us.” 

I stared at him, noting the desperation on his face. It confused me. The situation we were in was his doing. I reminded myself that I didn’t even know if he felt a fraction of what I did. “Well, we’ll see.” I looked back at his family. “I hope you have a great time here in New York. It was so nice to meet you.” And I turned and walked from the room before Jamie could stop me a third time. 

* * *

Jamie sighed, sinking back against the counter as the door closed behind Claire. His family was silent around him. He felt their eyes on him, though. If they weren’t there, he’d have had half a mind to chase after Claire. 

“Okay, I’ll be the one to ask,” Jenny said, breaking the silence. “So, what’s going on between you and yer director?” 

His head shot over to look at his sister. “Excuse me?” 

“Oh, we could all see it, Jamie. Tis quite clear  _ something _ is,” Ian told him. 

He stared at Ian and Jenny’s knowing faces, confusion filling him. “There’s nothing,” he told them honestly. At that point in time, nothing was happening. 

“Son, I hate to say it, but Jenny and Ian are right. It does seem like there’s at least something there.” 

“Da!” Jamie replied. “Ye really believe them over me?” 

“I believe what I see,” Brian retorted. “And there certainly seemed like something was going on.” 

Jamie’s eyes closed as he shook his head. “That’s no’ possible. We…” he trailed off, not sure how to finish it. 

Jenny leaned her shoulder against him. “Why are ye so sure that there’s nothing?” 

“It’s no’ that I think there’s nothing. It’s that there can be nothing. And besides, I dinna think she feels that way. No’ for me,” Jamie spoke vaguely. 

“Here’s what I saw,” Jenny told him. “I saw a big Broadway director come here  _ just _ to tell ye how great a job ye did. I tend to doubt she goes around to everyone in the cast and crew to do that. Would ye all agree?” Three other heads nodded in agreement. “Then, not only did she do that, but she stayed and talked with yer family, telling them how perfect ye were for the part. And flashing ye little looks the whole time. There’s something there, whether ye believe us or not. My theory is that she has feelings for ye.” She turned and looked at Jamie. “Now, are ye really going to stand here and tell us that nothing’s happened between ye two?” 

Jamie found the chair in the room and sank down into it. “No,” he said in a small voice. “But it’s more complicated than that.” 

Eight eyes stared back at him, urging him to tell the story. 

“Man, just tell us,” Ian finally prodded. 

Jamie nodded. “Alright, so the night before my audition for the show, I was… a bit nervous. So, I went out to a bar to get a drink and take the edge off. While I was there, I met Claire, but I didna ken who she was.” 

“So, what, ye flirted a bit and now that ye work together, ye want more?” Jenny asked. 

Jamie grimaced a bit. “No’ quite.” He glanced at his parents, wishing they didn’t have to hear this part. “We, uh, spent the night together,” he told them all, looking at his hands. 

“Nice!” Ian cheered. Jenny glared at him. As did Jamie. “Sorry. Please continue.” 

“So, she had used a fake name because she wanted some anonymity. And I had no clue who she was. But then the next day at my audition...there she was. I was angry and confused and feeling all sorts of things. I didna want the part. I mean, I desperately wanted the part, but no’ like that. I didna want anyone to think that I’d done anything unseemly to get it,” Jamie promised them. “So I was ready to turn it down until Claire convinced me to take it.” 

“ _ She _ convinced  _ you _ to take it?” his mother asked. Jamie nodded. 

“How?” Jenny pressed. 

Jamie sighed, remembering that night all those months ago that he’d gotten that call from Claire. “She offered to step down as director if I would take the role. They apparently really wanted me to have the part and she didn’t want to stand in my way or something.” 

Jenny’s head whipped around as she looked at each other member of his family. “I’m sorry, she volunteered to give up  _ her own position _ so that you would take this part?” Jamie nodded. “Holy shit, Jamie, ye’re a blind idiot.” 

“What?” he asked, a bit offended. 

“She clearly has some sort of feelings for ye! She offered to give up everything so that ye could have this part. Jamie, that’s no’ something ye do for no reason!” Jamie started to shake his head and Jenny groaned. She knelt down in front of his chair, meeting his eyeline. “Okay, so after ye spent the night together, did ye make plans to see each other again before ye ran into each other at auditions?” 

“No’  _ solid  _ plans. We agreed that we should, but –” 

“Did ye develop feelings for her while ye worked together on this play?” Jenny continued. Jamie’s silence spoke volumes and he knew it. He looked away from his sister and she knew. “What makes ye think that she couldn’t be feeling the exact same thing?” 

“Because she stopped talking to me. She pulled back.” 

Jenny rolled her eyes. “Probably because she cared for ye and it was getting too hard, ye daft fool!” 

Jamie sighed, looking around at his family. “Ye  _ really _ think that Claire has some sort of feelings for me?” 

They all gave a resounding “Yes.” 

“Well, what do I do?” 

“Christ, Jamie, I thought ye had more sense than this,” Jenny groaned. “Go after her!” 

He stood up, ready to do so, before he looked at his family. “Well, what about all of ye?” 

“We’re adults, my boy, I think we can get back to our hotel on our own,” his mother told him with a pat to his cheek. “This seems more important.” 

“Go get her, lad!” Ian called. 

Jamie nodded to them once, thanking them quickly before he sprinted from the dressing room, looking around frantically before he left the theater at large. Pulling out his phone, he took a risk. 

“Hello?” 

“John, I need to ask ye something.” 

“What’s up?” 

“Where does Claire live?” 

John paused. “I’m sorry, what?” 

Jamie cringed as he lingered outside the theater. “Look, my mom has some silly notion of sending Claire flowers for my career or something,” he offered as means of a lame explanation, “but I dinna ken her address.” 

“Oh,” John replied. Jamie wasn’t sure how much he bought it. “Do you have a pen?” 

“Shit, no.” 

John laughed. “Okay, I’ll text it to you.” 

“Thank ye. Sooner the better, please!” 

They hung up and Jamie bounced on his feet until John’s text came through. The minute he had her address, he was plugging it into Uber, hoping a ride was close by. The closest ride was three minutes away. 

It was the longest three minutes of Jamie’s life. He talked himself in and out of this plan too many times to count. Knowing that Claire might have feelings for him didn’t really change anything. But seeing her with his family, seemingly so at ease, unlocked something in him. He hoped he wasn’t about to make a fool of himself to her, but damn it, he had to try something. The agony of being so close and not being able to do anything about it was too much. He had to tell her. 

The Uber finally arrived and Jamie mentally urged him to drive faster and faster. After far too long for his liking, they finally arrived at Claire’s building. Looking up, Jamie felt a bit of intimidation. It was a nice place. Even if she said she didn’t, she really must have thought his place was trash. Shaking his observations off, he ran forward to press for her unit. There was no response. He tried again. Still no response. After five more tries, he started to think that maybe she wasn’t home. He’d come so far only to end here. Looking at the other buttons, he had an idea. After four other buttons, someone buzzed him in. 

Pumping his fist in the air, he ran forward to get the door before it locked again. He found her floor and then her door. Taking a moment to calm his nerves, Jamie lifted his hand to knock. 

There was still no answer. 

She hadn’t been at the theater. He’d looked. There was no way he’d beaten her home. Shaking his head, he decided to wait for her. He’d made it this far; he wasn’t giving up yet. 

* * *

I could hear the music pouring from Louise’s brownstone from the street. I pitied her neighbors tonight. Also, probably her husband. 

I didn’t usually like to go to after parties. For whatever reason, I thought it made me lose some of my authority. If they saw me dancing like a fool and drinking like a sailor, they’d respect me less. It could have just been a weird theory I’d come up with, but either way, I didn’t usually go. Of course it was Jamie-fucking-Fraser who finally convinced me to attend. 

What did I think was going to happen? Would I get drunk and finally tell him all that I felt? Doubtful. It was pointless to be there. But I wanted to be around him, so there I was, wading into the sea of cast, crew, and others just to see one person. The party was already in full swing by the time I’d arrived. 

Louise was the first person to see me. “Claire!” she screeched. “You made it!” She pushed a drink in my hand like we were teenagers at a high school party. 

“What is this?” I asked, gesturing with my cup. 

“Oh, just a red wine. We didn’t want to break the stemware.” I laughed loudly before taking a drink. “What made you come? You usually don’t.” 

I shrugged, aiming for nonchalance. “I don’t know. Jamie kind of convinced me I should come. Seemed kind of like a good time, I suppose.” 

Louise looked confused. “That’s odd. He’s not even here.” 

I looked around the crowded room. “He’s not?” 

Louise shook her head. “No. He seemed psyched about it when I saw him earlier. He told me he was going to send his family back to their hotel and be here. But he never showed up.” 

“Weird,” I replied, hoping she couldn’t see the wheels turning in my mind. If Jamie wasn’t here, I didn’t really want to stay. I wondered how long I needed to pretend to party before I snuck out and headed home. 

I talked to Joe very briefly as I drank the cup of wine I’d been given. When I finished the cup, I gestured like I was going to get more. He nodded, turning to his wife. Walking from Joe, I threw my cup in the trash and walked out the door. An overwhelming sense of disappointment flowed through me. 

I didn’t know what I was expecting. Nothing was going to change between me and Jamie tonight. All the reasons I’d withdrawn remained true. But there had been a small seed of hope in me, even if I didn’t know why. 

Rolling my eyes, I planned to go home and drown my sorrows in whatever bottle was nearest to me. The further I got from the loud party, home sounded even better. 


	8. And the Sun Can't Stop Us Now

I walked to my door, my mind elsewhere. I was stopped short by the sight of Jamie sitting on the floor next to the door to my home. Freezing where I stood down the hall, I watched him for a minute before he noticed I was there. “Jamie?” I finally asked. 

His head snapped in the direction of my voice. He jumped up quickly, an eager look on his face. “Ah, ye’re home.” 

“Yeah. How long have you been here?” 

He shrugged. “No’ long.” He made a face. “Or perhaps, a while.” 

I stepped closer to him. “What are you doing here?” 

“Where were you?” he asked at the same time. 

I couldn’t help but laugh at us trying to speak over each other. “I went to the after party. Like you wanted me to.” 

A soft look crossed his face. “Ye did?” I nodded. “Oh.” 

I took yet another step closer. “Jamie, what are you doing here?” 

He took a deep breath, looking at me with an emotion I couldn’t readily name. “I needed to ask ye something.” I nodded for him to continue. He swallowed before opening his mouth to speak. Suddenly, his mouth closed again as he looked around the hall. “Do ye think we could do this, perhaps, inside?” he asked, pointing to the door. 

I chuckled, nodding to him. I pulled out my keys and let him in. Glancing around my home frantically, I made sure it looked presentable before I let him all the way in. He walked in and closed the door behind him, but didn’t move much further into the room. I couldn’t stop moving. Walking over to the kitchen to set my bag down, grabbing a quick glass of water, setting one out for him, all before finally moving back in front of him. 

“So, uh,” I tried, starting again, “why are you here?” 

Jamie nodded, realizing he had to say something. “I just had one of the biggest nights of my life and I would have turned it down.” My brow furrowed at his statement. “I was ready to turn it down, but  _ you  _ convinced me no’ to. I guess…” he trailed off, sighing a bit. “I guess I just wanted to know why.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“That offer ye made me,” he reminded me. “Why did ye do it?” 

I raised my eyebrows, taking a breath. “Well, I told you why. Because I wanted you to have the part. You were perfect for it and you deserved it.” 

“That’s the only reason?” he asked, an almost desperate look on his face. 

I more or less understood what he was asking now. Of course there was more to it, but I’d never told him — or anyone — the full version, the full truth. “Jamie…” I began, feeling a bit unsure. 

“Look, I’m just trying to understand everything that’s happened in the months since we met,” he told me. 

I looked down at my feet, nodding slightly. “Okay,” I whispered. I took a deep breath, and then another, working up the courage to be truly honest with him. Our entire relationship to date had been half truths and dancing around topics. I wasn’t sure I knew how to do this with him. 

I started to pace a bit. “Okay, so we...had our night together. And then the next morning, it was different.” He looked confused. “Not in a bad way. It was just…” I tried to find the right words. “I was rushing out and you stopped me. And you kissed me. And it felt...it already felt like we’d been doing that forever. I mean, the night before was, you know... what it was. But then that was different. And I hadn’t even given you my real name, but something about that — that kiss, that moment — felt real.” I shook my head, hoping I wasn’t making a mess of this. I couldn’t look at him as I talked. “But then we both had to go and I jumped in the cab without a way to get ahold of you and I tried to convince myself the whole way back to my home that it was for the best. I never really got anywhere with that, though. Because I just felt  _ something  _ about what we’d shared.” 

I took a quick drink of the water I’d set out for myself. 

“The best I could do was distract myself from you with auditions.” 

“But I was there,” he supplied. 

“Yeah. And you were amazing, obviously. And John and Marilyn agreed. But I was just...in shock, kind of. You’d crossed into my other world and I didn’t know what to do with it. If you’d have been a shitty actor, it could have all been easy, but you weren’t.” 

He chuckled a bit at that, making me look up at him. I watched him for a second before I spoke again. 

“And then I went outside and saw you.” I paused, remembering the gut punched feeling from that conversation. “We were both shocked, but you...you seemed pissed. And I understand why. I get it. But the way you looked at me while we stood there.” I took a breath. “It hurt. I’d reveled in the way you’d looked at me and treated me mere hours before. But then it was all gone. Disappeared. Replaced with disappointment and anger.” 

“Claire,” he breathed, but I couldn’t let him stop me yet. 

“So then, John told me he thought you were going to turn it down and I couldn’t let that happen. Which was when I went to your apartment again and you were, yet again, unhappy to see me. And you told me in  _ no uncertain terms _ exactly why you didn’t want it. Which was fine. You’re allowed your own reasons. But it just...stung.” 

I closed my eyes, trying to pull myself together. Tears were building behind my eyes and I really didn’t want them to fall. “Look, all the reasons I listed when I called you were real. I wanted you to have your big break. I knew that you were the only person we could picture in the role. You deserved this opportunity. But there was also a little selfish part of me that wanted to change how you looked at me. I wanted that morning-after look back. I guess, I just wanted you to not hate me.” 

Jamie stepped toward me, a sad look on his face. “God, I never hated you.  _ Never _ . I hated the situation we found ourselves in. I hated that I felt like I couldn’t take the role because of my own stupid pride. I hated that I also felt like anything we’d had that night or morning was gone. But I never hated you, Claire. Far from it.” 

“Why did you let me stay on?” I asked. If he was getting his answers, I wanted my own. 

He breathed out a shell of a laugh. “Well, I also meant what I told ye. I’d been hoping to work wi’ Claire Beauchamp. But after everything that happened, I, I really just wanted to work wi’  _ you _ .” 

“I don’t understand. How is that any different?” 

Jamie took another step closer to me. “I didna care about yer name or yer legacy. I just wanted to be wi’ ye, in whatever way I thought I could. If that meant that ye were just my director, then so be it.” I raised my eyebrows in surprise. “I mean, I truly did want the part. I spent so long waiting to call John back because it was killing me to turn it down.” 

He let out a dark laugh. “And yet, there have been times in the last few months when I’ve wondered if I should have turned it down.” I gave him a confused look. “Because as bloody great as it is for my career, it’s been torture for me. I wanted to learn from ye and be around ye, but it just made it harder. Ye’d talk to me and give me notes. Ye’d laugh at something I said and buy my lunch. Ye’d share a meal wi’ me and get me to tell ye things I didna want to tell anyone. Ye’d yell at me and keep me on my toes. And in all that time I... I fell for ye. More than I already had started to the night we met.” 

I stared at him, wondering how he was saying the same things I’d been feeling. My breath was coming shorter. “Jamie.” 

“Is there any part of ye that feels the same way?” he asked, his voice small. 

I tilted my head, looking at him through the unshed tears in my eyes. “Of course I feel the same way. How could I not?” An excited smile crossed his face. “But Jamie, it doesn’t matter.” 

He fell back a bit. “Why no’?” 

“Because of the very reasons you gave me for why you couldn’t take the part. The accusations. The rumors,” I reminded him. “It wouldn’t go away just because you already have the part. And I’m not going to put the way I feel ahead of your career.” 

Jamie blew out a breath, staring at me. “I dinna care about that.”

“Yes, you do.” 

“No, I don’t,” he insisted, stepping until he was directly in front of me. “I care about you. I-I  _ love _ you. And I canna take it anymore. Those fears aren’t enough to hold me back anymore.” His hand reached out and cupped my cheek. “I want to be wi’ ye, Claire Beauchamp.” 

“You really do?” I asked in a whisper. 

“God, yes,” he cried, moving in to kiss me. I anticipated it, could feel his breath against my cheek, but he pulled back at the last second. He looked at me with concern in his eyes. “Wait, do  _ you  _ want that?” 

I breathed out a laugh, nodding as I leaned in to close the distance between us. My lips pressed to his desperately, my hands settled against his neck, pulling him to me. His arms came around me, keeping me close. So many emotions had built up between us in the months since we’d last kissed. And each one of them was fueling our embrace. He kissed me like he was drowning and I was the last bit of air. I almost felt dizzy with it. 

I pulled back quicker than I wanted to, looking up at him. He looked almost annoyed, his hands grasping at my waist. “You know, we should probably still keep this a secret.” 

He nodded once with a small “okay” before pulling me back to him. From there, things escalated quickly. Our mouths fused, tongues dancing, hands everywhere. His hands found my arse and pulled my hips against his. I sighed into his mouth, only encouraging him. Soon, he bent down and picked me up, my legs on either side of his waist. “I want ye,” he panted against my lips. 

“Then have me.” 

I’d spent months with flashes of our night together haunting me. I knew exactly what I wanted. My mouth left his, kissing my way across his jaw, down his neck. I left a small bite behind his ear, making him stumble a bit as he tried to find my bedroom. He pressed me to the wall, looking at me with intense eyes before his lips were on mine again. Our kisses were fire, but I wanted more. I ground myself against him, feeling him grow harder and moan into my mouth. My fingers were tight in his hair, pulling at the root. We were driving each other crazy in the best way. 

“Next doorway,” I whispered to him after a roll of my hips earned me a thrust in return. 

He tightened his hold on me and walked through the doorway to my bedroom. Laying me down on my bed, he immediately climbed over me, his body settling against mine. We were both still fully clothed, but rocked against each other like we didn’t have multiple layers in our way. His mouth attached to my neck as his hand cupped me over the shirt. 

“Fuck,” he sighed. He leaned back, reaching for the hem of my shirt. “Take this off.” 

“You too,” I ordered in return. He stood up off me, taking off his clothes. I wriggled out of mine as quickly as I could, throwing them from the bed. I sighed, looking at him, no longer just memories to tide me over. He was gloriously naked and right in front of me, staring back at me. “Come here.” He didn’t need to be told twice. His body was over mine again, the feel of his skin against my own sent shockwaves to my spine. 

Jamie kissed me again, hungrily. His hands slid up my body, stopping at my chest. I ran my foot along his bare calf, wanting him to do more than just kiss me. Breaking from our kiss, I reached in the drawer next to me, moving my hand til I found the box of condoms. I grabbed one and pressed it to him, raising an eyebrow. He smirked, taking it from me and rolling it on quickly. 

He hovered, staring down at me. I reached up and cupped his cheek, bringing him down for a long kiss. While we kissed, I grabbed him in hand. Moving to his ear, I whispered, “Do it now, and don’t be gentle.” 

As if it was possible, his eyes darkened even more before he followed my directions and drove home. I cried out, clutching to him. He watched me for a moment before sliding out and thrusting in again. Quickly finding a rhythm, his mouth moved to my neck, winding me up in the best way. My hand was in his hair as my hips rocked against his. My other arm clutched to his back and I held him to me. We moved together, feeding off each other. I locked my legs around his waist as I continued to meet him, thrust for thrust. 

“God, Claire,” he cried. I marveled at him using my real name this time. I sighed his name in reply. He rolled his hips, hitting a deep point within me. My body tightened around him in response. He hit there repeatedly, driving me closer and closer to the edge. He switched to Gaelic again and I started to lose it. My arms were both around him, holding him as close as I could. 

His movements lost his rhythm, becoming more erratic. I knew he was close while I reached down and grabbed his arse, bringing him in deeper. He groaned against me, his motions stuttering. 

I felt almost there, myself. He rocked within me, against me and I was getting so close. His mouth moved to my throat again, his teeth stinging against my skin. With one more thrust, there I was, clenching around him, clinging to him as I hit my release. I heard and felt the noises he made as he felt me closing around him. He was right behind me, following me over the edge. 

Jamie placed a kiss on my shoulder before he rolled off me. My hand found his next to me as we laid side by side on the bed. I felt the need to be touching him. His fingers laced through mine. I turned my head on my pillow and looked to see him staring back at me. Smiling, I leaned closer, kissing him softly this time. His hand released mine as his arm came around me, bringing me against him. 

We laid there for a long time, in a comfortable silence, while we regained our energy. 

“Jamie,” I finally said, interrupting the quiet. 

“Yes?” He looked over at me. 

I kissed him again, resting my forehead against his as we parted. “I love you, too.” 

A large smile spread across his face as he tucked me in closer, leaning down to meet me for a longer kiss. It felt like everything was finally right in the world. At least for the night. 

I woke the next morning, feeling delightfully sore. Stretching where I was laying, I glanced over to see Jamie was still asleep. I didn’t get to wake up next to him the last time. This time, I wasn’t taking it for granted. I tucked myself right back into his side, leaning my head on his shoulder. Even in sleep, or half sleep, his arm came around me, holding me close. A smile crossed my face as I closed my eyes again. 

Once we both were awake, Jamie decided to shower while I worked on making coffee. We’d both need to rally since we hadn’t gotten very much sleep the night before. A smirk played at my lips as I remembered all the delicious reasons why. I turned to take our coffee cups back to my bed when I saw him standing at my bookshelf. The very one that held my Tony. I watched him for a moment as he reached out and picked it up, almost reverently. 

I set the coffee cups down as I crept over behind him. He was staring down at it intently. My arms came around him and he jumped slightly. “You should get used to the weight of that,” I told him, planting a kiss at his shoulder. 

He looked back at me, a look of disbelief on his face. “I doubt it.” 

“I don’t. Nor do many different reviewers.” My arms tightened around him. “You already have Tony buzz, my dear.” I leaned my head against him. “So, I mean it. You should get used to the weight of it.” 

I heard the gentle thunk as he set it back on the shelf. He turned around in my arms and closed his around me. “I’d rather just get used to the weight of  _ you _ in my arms.” 

“That was...bad,” I teased, a laugh coming from me anyway. 

“It doesna matter,” he said, kissing my cheek, jaw, and neck. “Ye said ye love me.” 

“You said you love me as well,” I reminded him, letting him continue to pepper me with small kisses. 

“Aye, and I meant that,” he assured. “But that rather means ye’re stuck wi’ my lame comments.” 

I pulled back and looked at him, his face cupped in my hands. “You know what, I think I’m okay with that.” He grinned as he met me for a kiss. 

We spent most of the morning and into the early afternoon together, often horizontal. With the exception of the time he took me as I sat on my kitchen counter. It was a day of bliss and I almost couldn’t believe it was real. 

But around 3:00, things started to grow serious between us. We both knew why. The theater was beckoning us back. In an almost morose mood, we both cleaned up and got dressed to go back to the world that had thrown us a wrench. Jamie wore an old t-shirt I’d won as a giveaway so he wasn’t wearing  _ exactly _ the same clothes as the night before. 

He held my hand as he walked to the door. Everything was different this time around.  _ I had his number. We would see each other again. Something had been started between us for real. _ But the tender kiss he gave me at the door was nearly the same. And the way I felt from it was certainly the same. I kept my arms around his neck as he pulled back. 

“I’ll see ye at work.” It was a statement and a question. 

“You will.” 

His arms tightened around me slightly. “And then, uh, how would ye feel if I came back here?” 

I closed the space between our bodies, leaning up til I was almost kissing him. “I think that sounds perfect.” He smiled softly before leaning down to meet my lips with his. 

We broke apart before we wanted to, our foreheads resting together. “We can do this,” I promised him. 

“Aye,” he agreed halfheartedly. “Tis just a...verra large secret we’re keeping from everyone we ken.” 

“Yeah,” I agreed, starting to feel a bit uneasy. 

Jamie hugged me, whispering in my ear. “If I get to be wi’ ye, then it’ll all be worth it.” I pulled back, nodding to him with a touched look on my face. He kissed me again quickly and was out of the door. 

It was going to be a struggle, certainly. But I agreed with him. 

_ It would be worth it _ . 

**End of Arc I** . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll take a short break until Arc II posts (because I need to finish writing it). I appreciate all the support for the first half of this story! Thank you so much for reading and for commenting and leaving kudos!


	9. Take My Hand, Will You Share This With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the start of Arc II! Thanks so much for the response to Arc I!

**Arc II**

I made sure Jamie got to the theater before I did. Even if no one would suspect anything, we couldn’t walk in together. I worried that perhaps you could just see it in our demeanors. What if we both look like we’d just spent the last several hours having mind blowing, long overdue sex? Would people know it was together? Would our secret get out that fast? 

I took a moment just inside the door, closing my eyes and taking a breath. We could do this. No one likely cared about our personal lives enough to pay close attention to us. Jamie was now a professional actor, so hopefully he’d have no trouble pretending things were normal. 

I walked into my office that was now transitioning into the stage manager’s office. John was sitting on my couch, seemingly waiting for me. “Hey!” he said, startling me a bit. 

“Hi.” 

“How was your night last night?” 

“What?” I asked, looking over at him suspiciously. He gave me an odd look. “It was fine. I just went home.” 

“Louise said you went to the after party at her house.” 

I nodded, sitting down in the chair. “I did. Very briefly. I was reminded quite quickly why I don’t usually go to them.” 

“Was there a certain reason you went when you don’t usually go?” John pressed. 

I watched him for a moment. It was clear he was fishing for some sort of information. I shrugged. “Curiosity?” 

“So it had nothing to do with a certain Scot?” He raised one brow at me. 

I glared at him. It was my only defense. “You’re going to make me regret ever telling you anything. If you’re not careful, I’ll start working with someone else.” 

John laughed as he stood up. “Like you’ll ever actually get rid of me. You’ll never want to.” He shot me a look as he walked out of my office. I was starting to get worried that he’d make some pointed comment around Jamie. Or worse, watch our interactions too closely. I didn’t think John would actually tell anyone, but I didn’t want to risk it. 

I sat in my office for a while longer, talking with the stage manager as she came in, and reviewing things from the night before. About a half hour before the show was due to start, there was a knock at the door. “Come in,” I called without looking up. 

“Hi. Do ye mind if I ask ye something?” I turned to look at Jamie. He seemed to be a bit nervous. “It’s about the show,” he clarified in a loud voice. 

I nodded and he closed the door quietly behind him. “What’s up?” 

“Tis no’ actually about the show,” he told me as he sat down in the chair across from my desk. 

I smiled, shaking my head at him. “Then, to what do I owe the pleasure?” 

“I just received a message from my sister. Apparently they were hoping to catch me after the show this evening,” he explained, a strained look on his face. “And I ken that we said —” 

“Jamie, go see your family,” I all but commanded him. His mouth opened to reply, but I kept going. “You hardly ever get to see them since they live all the way in Scotland. Go see them. It’s fine.” 

He took a deep breath. “Are ye sure?” 

My head tilted as I looked back at him, a soft smile crossing my face. “Yes. You don’t need to worry. You should see your family.” 

Jamie nodded slowly. “Alright.” He sat there, another question in his eyes. I narrowed my eyes at him til he cracked. “Look, they will likely ask what happened last night.” 

“Do you really think I’m going to sit here and tell you not to tell your family?” He shrugged. “The reasons we agreed to —” I looked to the door and dropped my voice “— keep things a secret was because we don’t want any rumors or such to hurt your career.” 

“Or yers,” he added. 

I smiled as I nodded. “Yes. But I seriously doubt that your family would want to hurt your attempts at furthering your career, right?” 

He nodded. “That makes sense. I just…” he stopped, taking a deep breath. “I dinna want to mess anything up.” 

I wanted, more than anything, to get up and walk around my desk — to go to him. But I couldn’t. Anyone could walk in. I couldn’t comfort him in the way my body was crying out to. “I know. But you’re not.” I held his gaze. “I promise.” Clearing my throat, I broke the moment. “Now, you clearly haven’t been in makeup yet. Go get ready.” 

He smiled at me, at the return to our regular dynamic. “Aye, I will.” He turned at the door, looking back at me. “I’ll see ye out there.” 

* * *

The second show went just as successfully as the first. Jamie was flying high as he left the theater that night. He’d spotted Claire on his way out, giving her a meaningful look as he walked past her. The smile she’d flashed back had left him feeling almost weightless. He hated that he couldn’t walk over and kiss her, promising to see her later. Instead, he gave her a nod and walked out the stage door. His family waited for him just outside the door, giving him his first taste of fans waiting to talk to him. 

Jenny was the first to him, throwing her arms around him. “Another brilliant show, Brother!” 

Jamie hugged her back, giving her a squeeze. “Thank ye.” He looked up at his parents and Ian. “I’m glad ye all could come again.” 

“We live too far away to only see ye once,” his father informed him. “We’ll be seeing ye plenty of times in the next week, son.” 

Jamie smiled, clapping his father on the shoulder. “I appreciate it. Now, Mam, I’m sure ye’ve researched extensively on where ye’d like to eat. What are ye thinking?” 

His mother started chatting away excitedly, asking him to lead them to the place she’d selected. He grinned, steering his clan away from the theater. There was a part of him that wished he could have asked Claire to join them. Perhaps it was too soon for that. The night before, she’d certainly gotten on well with them. 

As they sat down at their table, Jamie stared at the menu, ignoring Jenny’s eyes on him. “So?” she asked. 

He looked at her, brows raised. “So, what?” 

“Dinna play daft wi’ me, brother.” She rolled her eyes at him. “What happened last night?” 

“Aye, ye never told us,” Ian agreed. 

The waitress thankfully chose that moment to take everyone’s drink orders. Jenny rushed them all into ordering so she could get back to interrogating Jamie in peace. 

“Alright, tis just us again. What happened?” 

Jamie shrugged, still looking over his menu. “No’ much. I found her and we talked.” 

“Ye  _ talked _ ?” Ian asked, a disbelieving tone to his voice. “Come on, Jamie.” 

“What do ye want me to say?” 

“We want ye to tell us how it went!” Ellen told him. “Did ye tell her how ye feel? Did she tell ye how  _ she _ feels? Did ye decide to try being together?” 

“Did ye spend the night together?” Ian continued. 

“ _ Ian _ .” Jamie glared at him. Ian simply shrugged in reply. 

“Fine, dig it all out, why don’t ye?” Jamie sighed. “Alright, so I went to her home and she wasna there. I waited and when she showed up, we started talking. There was a lot to clarify about the months we’d been dancing around feelings and such. So we talked things out. Yes, Mam, I said how I felt. And she also said how she felt. And at the end of it, we decided that, yes, we did want to try being together.” 

Ellen clapped her hands together, squealing a bit. “I’m so happy for ye, my boy.” 

“Ye didna answer my question,” Ian reminded him. 

Jamie glared at him again. “Seriously, man?” 

“Curious minds want to ken.” 

“Ian, just let it go,” Jenny advised. “The rest of us dinna need to ken the ins and outs of Jamie’s private life.” 

“I must ask ye to keep that information to yerselves though,” Jamie implored, looking at each of them. “It’s...a secret.” 

“Why? Is she ashamed of ye?” Ellen asked. 

Jamie shook his head vehemently. “No. At least, I dinna think so. No, it has to do wi’ my career. We dinna want anyone to make assumptions or start rumors that I only got the part because of my relationship wi’ her. Or for that matter, for her to get a bad reputation from it either.” He took a deep breath. “We’re just trying to protect each other, really.” 

Jenny nodded. “I can understand that. And I can promise ye that we’ll all keep our lips sealed.” 

“Aye,” Brian agreed. “We’re just happy ye’re happy.” 

Jamie smiled brightly. “I am. I  _ really _ am.” He took a sip of his drink, feeling a bit relieved. “So, what is on the agenda for ye tomorrow?” 

His mother took the conversation and ran with it, informing him of each tourist trap she planned to drag the rest of the Fraser/Murray clan to. Jamie smiled and nodded along as his mother got more and more excited. He felt a vibration against his leg. Thinking it might be Claire, Jamie pulled his phone out. 

**You never answered my question** . 

Jamie looked over at Ian. He had one brow raised, staring back at him. Looking back at the other members of his family, Jamie made sure they were absorbed in his mother’s story. Noting that all eyes were on Ellen, he turned back to Ian, nodding slightly. Ian grinned broadly, smacking his knee under the table. Jamie’s phone buzzed again quickly. 

**That’s my boy** . 

“Don’t be gross,” Jamie whispered to him. Ian just chuckled and shook his head, turning back to Ellen’s conversation. 

* * *

I was sitting in my pajamas, nursing a glass of wine as the TV played ahead of me. It had been a while since I’d sat and let myself enjoy a quiet night to myself. Well, at least one where I wasn’t trying to distract myself from something bigger.  _ Something Jamie sized _ . I took another sip of wine as a contestant’s cake was criticized. Curling further under my blanket, I tried to ignore my phone. 

I’d checked my phone too many times throughout the evening, waiting to see if Jamie would text or call me. I was the one who told him to go see his family. But at the same time, I also wished he’d been here instead. Now that I had the chance to act on my feelings for him, I found I wanted to all the time. A small part of my brain wondered if that was normal or not. Had I lost all sense of self-control? Perhaps only when it came to Jamie Fraser. 

After checking my phone for the tenth time in a minute, I threw it across the couch, trying to act like a mature adult. A pillow fell over it and I left it hidden. I needed to stop constantly waiting for a man to contact me. We’d started our relationship — if you could even call it that yet —  _ yesterday _ , for crying out loud. I could stand to be a little less available and obsessive. 

I was into my third episode of  _ Bake-Off _ when there was a knock at my door. Pausing the TV, I grabbed my phone, noting several missed texts. A stupid smile crossed my face as I got up to walk to the door. I opened it slowly, trying not to seem  _ too _ eager. Jamie braced himself against either side of my doorway as he bore an almost desperate expression. 

“You’re here,” I remarked. 

“Ye dinna ken how to answer yer phone, do ye?” he asked, a cheeky smile on his face. 

“I hid it,” I confessed. He looked confused. I reached a hand out, running my fingers along the buttons of his shirt. “I was staring at it for too long, daring it to show me a new text. So I threw it on my couch and left it under some pillows.” 

He nodded, an amused look on his face. I hooked a finger in his shirt and he allowed himself to be dragged over the threshold of my home. “I was verra worrit about ye. So, I simply had to come over to check and make sure ye were okay.” He pushed the door closed behind him. 

I stood close to him, looking up into his deep blue eyes. “That’s very chivalrous of you.” 

A hand reached out to brush a few curls back. “I do what I can,” he whispered before bringing me in for a kiss. My arms flew around his neck.  _ So much for being less available _ . He held me close, kissing me deeply. It had only been a handful of hours since we’d last stood by my door, kissing the other. Perhaps it was something to do with the fact that we  _ couldn’t _ kiss at the theater that made us all the more desperate for each other now. 

I pulled back, panting slightly. “I didn’t think you were coming here tonight.” My hand was tangled in his hair. 

His hands tightened on my waist. “Do ye want me to go?” 

My eyes met his quickly, no doubt a pleading look in mine. “Not at all.” I leaned up and kissed him softly. “It was just a nice surprise,” I whispered. 

He started walking me back, moving toward the couch. “I thought about going home,” he told me. “But it just seemed somehow even more lonely now.” 

I smiled, pushing him down where I’d just been sitting and climbing on his lap. “I couldn’t agree more.” I met him for a long kiss. His fingers dug into my hips as my tongue sought his. “Can I say something stupid?” 

He pulled back, looking at me with a curious expression. “Of course.” 

I kissed him again quickly, settling against him. “This is nice.” 

Jamie chuckled lightly, pressing a kiss to the side of my jaw. “Aye, ‘tis.” He glanced behind me. “What are we watching?” 

“ _ Bake-Off _ .” 

“How verra British of ye,” he teased. 

I rolled off his lap and sat right next to him. “Hardly. Plenty of Americans are obsessed with the show.” 

He looked at me critically. “Are ye saying ye’d rather be American than British?” 

I laughed loudly, my head falling against his shoulder. “Goodness, it did sound like that, didn’t it?” He grinned as he nodded. “It’s odd, because I am British and I made damn sure I held onto the accent. But I haven’t lived there longer than a short vacation in thirty years.” 

Jamie looked over at me. “Have ye ever been to Scotland?” 

“Nope.” 

He took his hand in mine. “Well maybe someday I can take ye there,” he offered. 

I looked up at him, noting his sincerity. “I’d like that.” 

He leaned down and kissed me softly. I started to lay back, pulling him with me. His body hovered over mine. Jamie pulled back, simply staring down at me. He started peppering me with kisses. “How was it for ye today?” 

I grabbed his face in my hands, holding him steady, above me. My eyes drank him in for a long moment. “It was hard. But I made it.” I leaned up and kissed him. “And you?” 

A small smile crossed his face. “Felt nearly impossible to leave yer office wi’out kissing ye or touching ye.” He kissed the side of my neck. “But like ye said, I made it.” 

My hands rested at his neck. “How about you make up for it now?” I suggested, one eyebrow arched. 

His eyes darkened as he stared down at me. He sat up a bit, stripping his jacket off quickly, throwing it to the floor. “Yer wish is my command.” Before I could reply, his mouth was back at my neck, his hand squeezing tightly at my waist. The sounds that were escaping me should have been embarrassing. But I was far too focused on the way it felt to have him over me, paying all his attention to me. At some point, his foot hit the remote and the TV unpaused. I vaguely heard Mel and Sue’s voices sounding through the room. As his hand moved between my legs, our combined sounds drowned out anything else. 


	10. Lying Beside You, With You Wanting Me

I hadn’t even opened my eyes yet, but my hand was already moving across the bed to find Jamie. I said a mental “aha!” as my wandering hand came in contact with his leg. Running it up his body, I found that he was still naked from the night before. Conveniently, so was I. 

I turned onto my side, scooting over closer to him. Slowly, sleepily, his arms came toward me, pulling me closer. My eyes flicked up to his face. His eyes were still closed, still holding onto sleep even if he was waking. Once he had me flush against him, he opened his eyes, staring down at me. 

“Good morning.” 

I smiled in greeting, leaning up to kiss him softly. “Morning.” 

One corner of his mouth curled up, showing me a small smile. He closed the distance between us and kissed me deeply. Rolling me onto my back, he hovered over me, not breaking our kiss. My arms came around his neck, holding him to me. I could feel him against my leg. Mornings were a beautiful thing. 

His tongue was deep in my mouth and I could feel him groan against me as I shifted my hips upwards. Pulling back, he shot me a look, but his eyes were already blown wide. He moved his attentions further south as he licked and sucked at my neck. I could feel myself reacting, my fingers tightening in his hair. The man knew how to wind me up and took pleasure in doing so. 

He continued to work his way down my body. I was already in such a state that I didn’t think I’d last long if he actually did what he was seemingly intending to do. Tugging at his hair, I grabbed his attention. My legs tightened around him, trying to gesture him back to me. 

“Come here,” I breathed. 

I ignored his smirk as he moved back over me. Crushing my mouth back to his, it was my turn to roll him onto his back. A moan escaped him as I settled myself against him. His hands clutched at my hips. “Claire,” he sighed. I wondered if I’d ever get used to it.  _ Him. My name coming from his lips. Sounding like that.  _ Honestly, I didn’t want to get used to it. The way it made me feel each time was a shock to the system in the best way. 

Rolling my hips against his, I tried to make him say it again. 

He pulled me down to him, bringing my lips to his with a sense of desperation. His hands were tangled in my hair as our tongues danced again. I could feel him grow even harder beneath me. Without breaking our kiss, I reached down and took him in hand, guiding him into me. 

Jamie cried out into my mouth while I settled back down. I started moving on top of him, a slow roll of my hips. His head fell back against his (that’s right, it was  _ his _ now) pillow and his hands gripped my thighs tightly. He thrust up into me, making me cry out as well. 

I was being devious, making it slow and torturous for him. But damn it, watching him slowly fall apart beneath me was fucking incredible. He was a strong man that was completely at my mercy. I reveled in it. With each slow roll of my hips, each clench around him, I saw him grow more desperate. My thighs would likely be bruised, leaving traces of where his fingers had clutched so deeply. But I couldn’t find it in me to be upset about it. Watching him slowly lose it was winding me up and up. 

After I picked up my pace, Jamie brought me back down to him, crushing his mouth against mine. His hands were everywhere.  _ My breasts, my hips, my hair, my neck _ . It was as though he didn’t know where to put them, so he put them everywhere. He thrust into me madly, pushing me closer to the edge. Moans fell from my lips as easily as they did from his. 

The first night we’d spent together had been mind-blowing, indeed. But how he continued to do so was insane to me. Our bodies were so in sync that I could tell by the way his breath caught and his body stuttered that he was getting very close. 

I leaned down and hovered next to his ear. “Come on, Jamie,” I encouraged. His hands tightened on me. “Come for me.” His eyes closed as he thrust two, three more times and was releasing inside me. With one more deep thrust, I was right behind him, collapsing against him. His arms seemed weak with exertion, but he wrapped them around me anyway. 

Our panting synched as we both fought to regain our breath. Jamie looked at me, brushing hair from my face. A smile spread lazily across his face. Leaning up, he kissed me softly. I reached up, running both my hands through his hair as I languidly returned his kiss. 

We laid around for a while after that, barely moving from my bed. Jamie had made me lazy in the mornings, but I couldn’t find it in me to care. When his hands were drifting across my skin, giving me goosebumps, and pulling me close, I didn’t care if I had other things to do. Nothing seemed better than laying in his arms and kissing him whenever I pleased. Which was often.  _ Very _ often. 

It was the sound of a rumbling stomach that prompted us to move this time. Jamie chuckled and clapped a hand to his own stomach as he reluctantly pulled away from me. He threw on a pair of sweats he’d worn two nights ago while I got up and moved towards the bathroom. A shower seemed important to me. 

I was dressed in his t-shirt and my own shorts, towel drying my hair as I walked into the kitchen. I had expected Jamie to be eating or perhaps heating up something. But instead, he was sitting on a barstool, phone in hand. Walking behind him, I planted a kiss on the side of his neck. Grinning, he set his phone down and turned around to look at me. He pulled me closer, into the space between his legs. 

“All fresh and clean?” he asked before pressing a kiss to my lips. I smiled and nodded, leaning into him and his kisses. It was slow and easy. Just the way it should be. Both of us were relishing the easy intimacy between us after months of trying to ignore it. Jamie’s hands closed against my waist, holding me right where I was. 

Jamie drew back, looking at me with an odd expression. “How often?” 

I frowned at him. “How often, what?” 

A cheeky grin revealed itself as he tried to pull me even closer. “How often did ye think of our night together?” I rolled my eyes, smacking him on the arm. My lips were sealed, though. “Come on, tell me.” 

“You first.” 

“No, I asked you first.” His fingers played with the hem of my shirt. “If ye dinna tell me, I’ll just assume it was always, at all times.” 

I slapped at his hands, shaking my head at him. He was trying to hide his laughter. Trying, and failing. I climbed up onto his lap, praying the barstool was sturdy enough. Straddling him, I cupped his face in my hands. “Maybe once or twice.” 

His eyes narrowed at me as he caught my grin. “I’m afraid I dinna believe ye.” 

I laughed before kissing him quickly. A trail of kisses formed against his jaw, moving back toward his ear. “Well then perhaps you were right the first time.” I bucked my hips into his, grinning as his hands held me tighter. The trail resumed, this time moving against his neck. I found a good spot and started to focus just there. 

“Sassenach, no,” he said weakly. 

“Hmm?” I replied against his throat. 

He halfheartedly tried to get me to stop. “They’ll find it in makeup. Caitlyn will let half the crew and cast know by showtime that I let someone mark me.” 

I pulled back, raising one brow at him. “That doesn’t mean they’ll know it’s me.” 

Jamie leaned forward and caught my lips with his. “Still. Best to not raise questions, aye?” 

I didn’t hide my glare, but moved back in to kiss him again. A knock at the door startled us both from our activities. “I’m not expecting anyone.” 

“Oh, tis lunch!” Jamie lifted me (easily) off his lap. He went to the door and greeted the man. Walking back with a bag of food, he put it on the counter and started unpacking it. 

“When did you order food?” 

Jamie glanced up at me quickly. “While ye showered.” A smile crossed his face. “Besides, I figured I still needed to get ye back.” 

My brow furrowed. “Get me back for what?” 

He walked to me and handed me the container that must have been mine. Smiling still, he kissed my temple. “For that time ye bought me lunch.” 

I laughed. “You didn’t have to make that up to me.” 

Jamie shrugged. “Well, now I have.” He settled himself on the same barstool from before, about ready to eat. “I never kent why you did that.” 

I sat myself down on the stool next to his, taking a deep breath. “Well, honestly, I didn’t really either. I guess I just...wanted to feel like there was something more there than just director and actor. You know?” 

He smiled, lacing his fingers through mine. “Aye, of course I do.” He kissed the back of my hand before we both started eating. 

Not long after we finished lunch, Jamie moved to put on his shoes. I glanced at him with a confused look. “I have to run back to my place to get a change of clothes,” he explained. Walking over to the couch, where I still sat, he bent down and kissed the top of my head. “Canna show up in the same clothes night after night.” 

I laughed. “They’ll think you were victim of a house fire or something.” 

“Well if it’s a fire, then I’m happy to burn,” he told me, waggling his brows a bit. 

My head leaned back against the back of the couch. “What a line,” I whispered before he met me for a kiss. 

“I’ll see you later,” Jamie said as he walked back to the door. 

“Yes, I’ll see you at the theater.” 

Jamie gave me an odd look before he shrugged and walked out the door. 

* * *

“How did I know I’d find you here?” 

I whipped my head over to see John staring at me. He bore a disapproving expression. “Well, it is my office after all.” 

“No, it’s not your office. Not anymore. Now it’s the stage manager’s office.” He raised a brow, essentially saying,  _ You know this _ . 

“Yes, well, I’m allowed to be here, John.” I didn’t know what I was attempting to say by that comment. 

“You know that most other directors I know don’t come to shows past Opening Night. With the exception of check ins now and then.” 

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, I do know that. I would think that you would know from working with me over the last several years that I usually stay a bit past that.” 

“If I recall, your magic number is usually Opening Night and then two more shows. Then you’re gone. Out of their hair. Letting them do it all on their own. As they  _ should  _ be able to do,” he reminded me. 

“What’s your point, John?” 

He let out a frustrated huff. “My point is that it’s show 8 and you’ve been here every night.” 

“How do you know that? You haven’t been here every night.” 

“I have friends here.” 

I leaned back in my chair, arms crossed. “Who snitched?” 

“It doesn’t matter who snitched!” John cried, his hands covering his face. “Look, Claire, I’m coming to you as your friend. I know why you’re doing this.” 

I raised a brow at him. “Think you know everything about me, do you? So what’s your big insight into me?” 

He sat down across from me. “This one is obviously different. This show, I mean. You don’t want the show to end because then that means you have to move on.” 

“That’s what it always means, John.” 

“No, I mean you have to move on... _ from Jamie _ .” 

The mention of Jamie made me take a deep breath. John had no idea anything had happened. Was I okay letting him believe that was my true reason? I didn’t really want to be reduced to a woman with complicated feelings. 

“That’s not why.”

“It’s fine if it is, Claire,” John tried to reassure me. “You’re entitled to your feelings.” He sighed. “But by this point, you usually already have your next show at least in mind.” 

“John, I’ve worked my arse off for the last decade, jumping from show to show without end. At least as much as I could. Am I not deserving of a break?” 

He closed his eyes, shaking his head. “You know that’s not what I’m saying. I just don’t want you to make yourself miserable. You’re staying here because you want to be around him. But you’ve also made him off limits to yourself. You’re just making it harder for yourself, Claire.” 

I was silent. I had no idea how to reply given that it wasn’t truly my situation. 

“Maybe a new project is just what you need to finally move on from him.” He stood up and walked to the door. “You made this show a success, Claire. Let them prove that they can do it without you. I’ll see you at our workspace next Monday.” 

He left the office before I could tell him no. I sat there for a lot longer than I meant to, thinking over everything John said. Good points had been made, but he didn’t know the truth of the situation. The biggest takeaway was that at least one person in this show found it strange that I was still here. And that would lead to questions. John was right; I needed to move on. 

But  _ only _ to a new show. 

That night, I only wandered out to catch a look at Jamie just before he went on. He glanced up and caught my eye. Flashing me a brilliant smile and a terrible wink, he reminded me of why I had kept coming past when I knew I should be done. 

I smiled back, giving him a small wave. He turned to prepare himself to go on stage. I watched him until he disappeared through the set door. As he began his eighth show, I accepted a rough truth. 

Our lives were about to get a lot harder. 


	11. Now It's Different, I Want You To Know

Jamie waved one more time to the audience before he walked off stage for the night. A broad smile was on his face. He still couldn’t quite believe, even 8 shows in, that this was his life. It had been his dream for so long and now he was fucking living it. Each night he got to go out on stage and do what he loved. It seemed impossible. 

It was all thanks to Claire. And he always remembered that. He was unbelievably thankful that she wouldn’t take no for an answer, that she wouldn’t let him turn it down. She was a rare woman. And she was his. 

That didn’t quite seem real either. 

Keeping things a secret was hard, but he was willing to do so if it meant they got to be together. And waking up each morning for the past week next to Claire had been a dream. So he’d keep his lips sealed. It was to his career’s benefit to keep them a secret.

They had an easiness between them that made it feel like it had been more than a week. All their free time had been spent together for the most part. He’d been at her home every night since they’d revealed their feelings for each other. And frankly, if she didn’t tell him to spend the night at his place, he wasn’t planning to be anywhere else. He wanted to be with her. 

His makeup was off and his costume was hung delicately on the rack. As he threw on his shirt, he was eager to run home. Well, to run to Claire’s. Perhaps it was too soon to call it “home.” 

He’d seen Claire in flashes throughout the night. She had been more hidden than the other nights. There had been talk between the actors — and a couple crew members — wondering why she still came. Joe had mentioned that the other times he’d worked with her, it had been three shows. No one knew why she was still there eight shows later. Jamie couldn’t help but wonder if it had something to do with him. With  _ them _ . He shook his head as he thought about it again. No doubt, she had her own reasonings. But he did wonder if she’d caught wind of the talks. He figured he’d only seen her before he went on because she wanted him to. 

Jamie threw open the dressing room door, ready to head to Claire’s. He jumped back with a yelp when someone was standing in front of the door. “Christ,” he gasped. “Sorry, didna see ye there.” He sidestepped Laoghaire and tried to get away from her. 

“Jamie, wait!” 

He fought off a groan. All he really wanted was to leave the theater and lay in Claire’s arms on her couch, watching some inane show. “What’s up?” he asked, hoping this would be quick. 

“I thought we should get a drink,” she told him. 

Jamie sighed, quickly trying to come up with a reason to not meet her. As far as anyone knew, he was single. “Uh, I can’t.” 

She chuckled. “And why not?” 

He looked away, trying to find a plausible excuse that wasn’t  _ I need to get back to our director’s home because it’s been hours since I’ve touched her _ . But as he looked from her, he caught sight of Claire. She was rushing out the stage door, looking around furtively. There was an odd look on her face — almost upset. Suddenly, being nice to Laoghaire didn’t matter anymore. He had to get to Claire and see what was wrong. 

Jamie glanced back at the girl in front of him. “I just...I can’t. I have somewhere I have to be.” He walked past her, but she grabbed his arm. 

“Come on, we just finished our first week of shows. We should go get a drink!” She stepped uncomfortably close to him. “You know,  _ celebrate _ .” 

This was when keeping their relationship a secret became very hard for him. He wanted to tell her in no uncertain terms who he really wanted to celebrate his first week of shows with. But he couldn’t. Jamie took a deliberate step back from her. “I can’t. I have to go. Please respect that.” 

She frowned, a look of disbelief crossing her face. Almost as if she couldn’t understand why he’d turned her down. He didn’t wait to see what else she had to say. Without even stopping to talk to anyone at the stage door, he sprinted from the theater, needing to get to Claire. 

* * *

The familiar weight of a bottle of wine was in the crook of my arm as I walked to my door. Just like Opening Night, as I approached my door, Jamie was sitting there waiting for me. This time, my heart hurt a bit at the sight of it. Things were going to change and I was the reason why. It had only been a week, but it had been perfect. But that wasn’t realistic. 

Jamie jumped up as he saw me approaching. “You know, you don’t have to come here every night.” I said. His face fell a bit at that. “You know, if you have better things to do.” 

He looked a bit confused. There was no way for him to know that I’d hit a spectacularly low point during the show. Reaching out, he took the bottle from me. “Well, ye ken yer place is much nicer than mine.” He went with humor, and I appreciated it at that moment. 

I nodded, opening the door to let us both in. Stripping off my jacket, I left it on the island. I stood there and looked, remembering how earlier just that day we’d been locked together there. He was hovering over by the couch. I could feel his eyes on me. Surely, he could sense that something was up, but he’d yet to ask. 

I didn’t know how to break it to him. But during the show I’d realized it wasn’t going to work. Hence the bottle of wine. With me starting another show, our lives would be incompatible. And everyone expected me to start another show. That was where the secrecy was going to bite me in the arse. I wanted this — wanted  _ him _ . But I’d never successfully figured out in the last ten years how to manage my career  _ and _ a romantic relationship. Especially not one with an actor. I wanted it to work, but it wouldn’t. 

He walked over to me, setting the bottle down on the bar. “This is yers, I believe.” 

I was silent, only nodding in reply. Grabbing the bottle, I poured myself a deep glass. I glanced at him and took down a second glass for him. He’d probably hate me after I told him my realization of the evening. Might as well drink it out. 

Jamie watched me the whole time as he sipped on his wine. I finished my glass and started to pour another before he finally spoke. “Do ye want to talk about it?” 

My eyes cut over to him. He looked concerned, but hesitant. Things were new between us. I knew he didn’t want to mess things up. But he couldn’t know that I was the one about to do so. 

I took a deep breath. “Yeah, I guess we should.” His brows raised, that concern growing. I started to tell him about running into John, about John’s reminder of how long I usually stayed at a show. 

“I knew that,” he told me. I raised a brow. “Some of those who’d worked wi’ you before mentioned it.” 

Nodding thoughtfully, I decided to share my own confession. “John thinks it’s because of you.” 

“Why?” 

Covering my face, I blew out a sigh. “Because before the show opened, I told him about us.” His eyes went wide. “I made him promise not to tell anyone and I know he hasn’t. But he could tell that something was off with me and he dragged it out. I told him all of it. The shock at seeing you at auditions and even the offer I’d made you.” 

“When did you tell him all this?” 

I looked at him, trying to read his face. The blasted actor was too good at covering his feelings. “Do you remember the night I ran into you and Laoghaire at the bar where we met?” His eyes closed and he nodded. “I also saw John and Joe. John came after me and demanded to know why I was acting so differently.” 

“So, what does it mean that he thinks ye’re staying because of me?” 

“Well, he doesn’t know that anything else has happened. He just thinks it’s because I don’t want to move on. From you.” I took a long sip of my drink. “And he’s not completely wrong. Everything has been different this time and it’s all been because of you.” 

His mask slipped and I saw many emotions playing across his face. He didn’t seem to know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Honestly, I didn’t really either. Seeing the look on his face, I knew I had to tell him everything. 

“It was different after you came to auditions,” I started, staring down at my glass. “Because after that, you were all I could think about. Would you take the role? If you didn’t, would I ever see you again? And you took the role and I was so relieved. But then I was just driven to distraction by your presence. Each step was different because I couldn’t get you off my mind.” I sighed softly. “I guess that answers your earlier question about how often I thought of it,” I said with a laugh. 

Jamie didn’t laugh though. His face was still unreadable. 

“Look, after it opened and things changed between us, I couldn’t leave,” I confessed. “By the time it opened, I should have already had a plan for what I was going to do next. That’s how I’ve worked so much in the last ten years. I just kept going and going and going. But I didn’t even think about something else this time because all I could think of was you.” I shook my head. “I still have no idea what I want to do next. And so I kept going back to the show, even when I knew I shouldn’t.” 

“So...what does this all mean?” 

I took another long drink before answering. “It means that next Monday, I’m expected to start working again. Finding a new project and such.” 

“That doesn’t sound so bad,” Jamie offered. 

“But it means that this” — I gestured between us — “ isn’t really going to work.” 

Jamie sat forward in his chair. “Why? Just because ye’re working on something else doesn’t mean this has to end.” 

“Basically, it does.” 

He stood up, looking agitated. “Okay,  _ why _ ?” 

“Jamie, it just won’t work out.” 

“Is this yer way of finding an out or is there something I’m missing?” 

I glared at him. “I’m not looking for an out, Jamie. It’s just not realistic!” 

“Okay, but explain to me  _ why _ . Why are ye so bloody sure that things just have to end now?” Jamie demanded. 

I set my glass down on the island that separated us. “If I start working on something else, our schedules are going to clash. I’ll work during the day and you’ll be gone at night. We’ll never see each other.” 

Jamie was silent for a long moment. I thought, perhaps, he was accepting it. He opened and closed his mouth several times, trying to give me options. I knew he couldn’t. There were no options. We weren’t sustainable. 

“Okay, here’s what I’m thinking,” he finally said. I tilted my head, watching him. “So, you work during the day. Then, ye come home and just immediately go to sleep. I’ll get back here around this time. I wake you up and we spend our time together between the hours of, like, 11:00-8:00. Then you go to work and I go to sleep. Perfect.” He waved his hands like he was displaying something. 

I couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. “Jamie, that’s not very realistic.” 

He groaned. “I realize it’s no’ realistic. But it should tell ye that I’m trying to come up wi’ options. I’m not going to just sit back and accept that it’s over.” He fell silent, staring at me. “I want to be with you, Claire. I’m not going to just give up.” 

“Even if it’s really hard? Because it will be.” 

He walked around the island, getting closer to me. “Nothing would be harder than loving you and no’ being wi’ you.” He stepped hesitantly closer, reaching a hand out to my cheek. “I ken it’s only been a week of being together...like this, but I’m no’ giving up on us.” 

I crashed against him, wrapping my arms around his waist and tucking my face into his neck. “I don’t want to either. I just don’t know how to make it work.” 

His lips pressed a kiss to my head. “We’ll figure it out together.” 

I pulled back and looked at him, my hands moving to his face. “I’m sorry, Jamie. I just…” I took a breath, trying to find the words. “In the whole time I’ve had my career, I’ve never found a way to make a relationship work. And for the past week, I’ve tried to ignore that because I really wanted this to work. But when I was reminded of how hard it is, I don’t know, this just seemed like the only option.” 

He nodded thoughtfully, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “Maybe those didna work because the other person wasna willing to put in the work. But I am. I’m no’ giving you up, Claire Beauchamp.” 

I leaned my head against his shoulder, curling back into him. “I know it’s only been a week, but I was just upset because I thought I had to let it go.” 

“It’s no’  _ only _ been a week, Sassenach,” he reminded me. I looked up at him, one brow raised. “I mean, I ken I said it too, but it’s been more than that. We met months ago. And spent those months silently wishing for the other. It’s no’ just been a week.” 

I leaned up and kissed him softly. His fingers laced through my hair as he kissed me in return. “Thank you,” I whispered against his lips. 

“For what?” he asked, holding me a bit tighter. 

“For not giving up on us when I thought it was the only option.” 

He kissed me again before he held me close. “Sometimes being stubborn can be a strength,” he joked. 

I placed a kiss against his shoulder. “I guess it can be.” I pulled back and grabbed my wine glass, moving over to the couch. Jamie followed suit. He sat against the arm and I cuddled in next to him. “It’s going to be hard,” I said again. 

His hand squeezed against my shoulder. “I know. But we can do it. We’ll find a way.” 

I laid my head against his chest and tried to block out the voices in my head that said it wouldn’t work. His arms were securely around me, reminding me that he wasn’t going anywhere. And if he wasn’t going anywhere, then neither was I. 


	12. I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The entire schedule for this arc came down to me being able to post this chapter today! Happy Holidays, everyone!

The day that John had expected me at our shared workspace, I marched in with a plan in mind. I hadn’t talked it out with Jamie because I was fairly sure he’d try to talk me out of it. He was a bit afraid that if I changed my work life for him that I’d regret it. Well, he hadn’t said as much, but I could tell. 

Both of us had been a bit anxious about the changes awaiting us. The first night that Jamie went to the theater without me, he’d paused at the door, looking back at me. For all the bravado he’d had and promises that we’d be fine, he’d seemed a bit unsure. Pulling me in, he’d given me a long kiss and promised me that he’d be back after his show. I’d smiled and told him that I’d be waiting. That night had set the scene for the next week of shows before I had to start work again. John had given me til the next Monday and I planned to make use of every minute I had before I was expected to work again. When Jamie left for the theater the Saturday before I was to return to work, my plan struck me. 

My bag was draped over my arm, a coffee in hand as I sat down at my desk. John, of course, had beaten me into the small loft that we shared as our workspace. Until we were attached to a show and assigned to a theater, this was where we did the nitty gritty parts. We’d made it our own as best we could. The day we’d finally upgraded ourselves to a workspace and not just working from one of our homes had been an exciting day. 

It felt different today as I walked in there. John was surely going to try to convince me against my plan, but I was sure of what I wanted to do. Ultimately, it was my life. I should get to decide what I want to do with it. Having a ten year career based on never taking a break made it hard to finally take one, but I was ready. And Jamie was the reason why. 

John’s head turned as he heard me enter the room. “Claire! You’re here!” 

“Did you think I wouldn’t show up?” 

“I wondered,” he replied with a shrug. 

“Well, I’m here.” My bag sat on my desk, but I stood and watched John as I took a drink of my coffee. I needed to read his mood before I sprung my plan on him. 

He glanced over as I still watched him. “Have I something on my face?” I shook my head. “Then what are you doing?” 

“We need to talk,” I informed him as I walked closer to his desk. One of his brows raised suspiciously. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing serious.” 

“Are you sure? Because you’ve been acting odd for the last several months.” He ignored my glare. “Fine, what’s up?” 

“So, I’m here –” 

“Clearly.” 

I rolled my eyes. “I’m here because you demanded I come. And I have come up with a plan that I think will suit us both a bit better.” His brow furrowed as he stared back at me. “I’m not coming back full time. I meant what I said about wanting a break. In ten years, I’ve really never taken one.” I took a deep breath, settling down in a chair by his desk. “So, I will be here Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Then I’m working some, but not all the damn time. If I don’t find a project that absolutely captivates me, I’m not going to commit to something. I think we both know that there have been times in the past we’ve both committed to shows because we felt we had to.” 

John nodded. “Is this about Fraser?” 

I sighed deeply. “No, John, it’s about me.” He encouraged me to continue. “Perhaps it was Jamie who made me realize it, but I haven’t been in a real romantic relationship since I was in college. And even then, it was half-assed because I was more focused on my studies. I’ve always,  _ always _ put my career ahead of my personal life.” 

“Including with him,” John added. 

Nodding, I sidestepped the lie I was perpetuating. “When Uncle Lamb got sick, he didn’t have anyone there but me. He’d spent his life on his career and so when his career ended because of his illness, he had nothing to fall back on. When I’m on my deathbed, I want to have had a life outside of the theater. And I’m not going to do that if I’m always running at this speed. So, this is my solution.” 

John watched me for a long moment of silence. “I suppose I understand where you’re coming from. But what are you going to do if we find a show we’re passionate about? What about your break, then?” 

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” I said with a shrug. I didn’t really foresee it being a problem. There were more crappy plays wanting to be produced and directed that came to us than actual quality ones. I held out my hand for John to shake. He shook his head with a grin and grabbed my hand. 

“If you’re not careful, I’m going to start working with another director.” 

“John, you know I’d never hold you back from that. Especially not right now.” 

He smiled. “You know there’s no one else I’d rather work with.” 

* * *

The new schedule and system had been working. I only worked three days a week which left me plenty of time to spend with Jamie. He initially felt guilty for my idea of shortening my week, but after some convincing, he came around to my way of thinking. A few mindblowing sexual acts made it pretty easy to sway his mind. 

And so that became our pattern. Only a few days a week we saw each other in passing, or at night after Jamie’s show. But the rest of the week, we worked at deepening our relationship. Both of us were already invested and really just wanted to spend time together. Jamie was always happy to regale me with stories from growing up in Scotland. I’d share stories of growing up on Broadway that he always marveled at. Our lives quickly became intertwined. It had been weeks since Jamie had been to his own apartment. After giving him a key, he took it as permission to never spend a night elsewhere. Not that I ever minded. My favorite way to wake up was in his arms. 

Two months passed in the blink of an eye. Being together was now our new normal. 

I was somewhere between sleeping and waking one night when I heard the door open and close. Jamie must have purposefully crept over to the couch because I didn’t hear him. The first thing that processed after the sound of the door was his lips against my forehead. Smiling, my eyes slowly opened to find him sitting on the couch next to my legs. 

“Hi.” 

“Good evening,” he teased. 

I sat up, pulling the blanket with me. “How was the show?” Before he could answer, I leaned in to kiss him quickly. 

“That depends. Were ye asking as my girlfriend or as my director?” 

I squinted at him suspiciously. “Well it was as your girlfriend –” 

“Then it went great!” 

Grabbing him by the shirt, I brought him in closer. “Now it’s as your director. What happened?” 

He shook his head, feigning ignorance. “Nothing. It went perfectly. Same as always.” 

“Jamie Fraser,” I scolded. 

“Fine,” he said with a sigh. “There was a jagged part of the table and Laoghaire stood too close to it. When she turned away it ripped her skirt.” I gaped at him. “But it was fine because any skin that showed was upstage and no one could have seen anything.” 

“Oh my god.” 

“And Louise walks off with her in that scene and she changed sides so that she could cover it up with her body,” Jamie recapped. “So, it all ended up fine. It was just a moment of shock.” 

“That’s ridiculous.” 

“There could be far worse things, no?” 

I nodded. “Of course there could.” I shook my head with a sigh. “I’m going to say something to you, my boyfriend, and not to you, the lead of the show.” 

He got an eager grin on his face. “Okay.” 

“Of course it was bloody Laoghaire that messed it up.” 

Jamie laid against the back of the couch as he laughed. “I appreciate your candor. What other dark secrets about the cast have ye been keeping from me all these months?” 

I rolled my eyes. “I would have thought you already knew I didn’t like Laoghaire.” 

He shrugged, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “I had an inkling.” 

“What, from that night at the bar?” 

Jamie scooted closer to me, pulling my legs across his lap. “Perhaps even a bit before then.” 

I tried to think back to a time that I’d been more obvious about my dislike of Laoghaire. “When?” 

He grinned as he played with one of my hands. “Do ye recall that night that we stayed late at the theater, just the two of us?” I covered my face with the hand he wasn’t holding. “When you yelled at her to leave me alone, I had to wonder.” 

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ. I didn’t realize I was so bloody obvious.” 

Jamie laughed, taking my other hand as well. “Ye werena, I promise. It just made me wonder if you were annoyed by her in general or just because of me.” 

I was silent for a moment. “It was you,” I admitted. “God, I didn’t want it to be because of you, but it just was.” 

He leaned toward me and I met him the rest of the way. “I’m fine wi’ yer reasoning.” His lips pressed to mine and I cupped his face in my hands. 

When we broke apart, he sighed like he had something on his mind. All it took was one raised eyebrow for him to talk. “I had something I wanted to run by ye.” 

“Well, go ahead.” 

“Usually at Christmas, I go home to Scotland. But since I only have the 24th and 25th off, I wanted to invite my family to come to New York this year.” 

I nodded. “Okay. That’s not surprising. But you do realize that Christmas is a month away. I mean, tomorrow is Thanksgiving.” 

“Aye, I realize. But I wanted to ask you before I asked them because...well, I’d like ye to celebrate Christmas wi’ my family,” Jamie told me. He almost seemed nervous. 

I laid my hand against his cheek as a smile spread across my face. “You want me to spend Christmas with your family?” He nodded insistently. I leaned in and kissed him again. “Jamie, I would love that.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes!” I looked around the room. “In fact, you should have them come here. You know it’s a lot better than yours.” I grimaced until he agreed. “There’s more space at least.” 

“Are you sure?” His eyes held mine. 

I nodded happily to him. “I’m positive. It sounds lovely. Besides, Lamb has never been much of a Christmas person so I’ve spent many Christmases basically by myself or invited to someone’s open house. It will be a really nice change to spend it with your family.” 

Jamie surged forward and kissed me into the arm of the couch. “I love you,” he sighed. 

I laughed. “I love you too.” 

* * *

Another month passed just as quickly and I was preoccupied by Christmas plans for a family I really only knew through stories. 

I sat at my desk, not doing any work, but instead, focusing on Christmas decorations. I loved Christmas, but spending it alone made it seem sad to decorate. It was for no one but me. So this year, I was trying to do more. 

I held up a paper link chain for John. “How does this look?” 

John swiveled in his chair, glancing over at me. His brow furrowed. “Is that a chain made from scraps of wrapping paper?” I nodded with a smile. “Have you given up on attempting to work?” 

I shrugged. “Answer the question first.” 

He eyed the chain critically. “It’s cute.” 

“Thanks. I haven’t given up totally on work. I’m just trying to do more for Christmas this year and I wanted to run with the idea I had.” 

“Don’t you usually spend Christmas alone?” John asked. 

With a sigh, I tried to come up with a plausible explanation. “Yes, I do.” 

“So then, why do all this?” 

I tilted my head thoughtfully. “I guess it just fits in with the whole ‘doing more for myself’ kick I’ve been on.” 

“Well good for you, I suppose.” John turned to go back to work while I eyed my creation. “That would look charming over the window seat just past your office.” 

I smiled as I looked over at him. “Thanks for the suggestion. I think you’re right.” 

Later that morning, I called it a day, heading home to decorate some before Jamie brought his family back from the airport. He was on his way out as I ran in, my hands full of bags. Glancing down, he frowned. “What’s this?” 

I shrugged, deciding to surprise him too. “Oh, just some stuff I picked up on the way back from work.” I set them down before turning to him. “Shouldn’t you be heading to the airport?” I asked as my arms wrapped around his neck. 

His hands found my waist and squeezed. “Probably,” he admitted before kissing me softly. “Are ye still sure about this?” 

I laughed. “No, I decided just now to tell you that I changed my mind. I thought an hour and a half out would be a good time to do so.” 

He shook his head. “That would be rather terrible timing.” 

I leaned up on my toes and pressed my lips to his. “Go get your family. I’ll be here when you get back.” 

Jamie left and I quickly ran around stringing up lights and making my home as festive as possible. He’d tried reassuring me repeatedly that I didn’t have to decorate or do anything special. But the fact was, I was excited about spending Christmas with the Frasers. I was looking forward to a Christmas I wasn’t spending alone. And that was all because of Jamie. 

Twenty minutes before I expected them back, I threw some cookies in the oven, trying to make the apartment smell nice. Perhaps I was doing a bit much — throwing around decorations and baking — but I wanted to make a good impression on Jamie’s family. I’d met them before, but not as his girlfriend. Not as the woman who was keeping her relationship with their son and brother a secret. It was to his benefit, but I worried that they’d hold it against me. 

I’d never really met someone’s family before. The last time I’d dated someone seriously enough to warrant meeting the person’s family had been college. He never asked and neither did I. Lamb was a natural intimidator. There was a reason Jamie had yet to meet him as well. 

No matter how many times Jamie reassured me, it was a big deal to me. I’d liked them when I’d briefly met them on Opening Night. I only hoped they’d return that feeling once they really got to know me. 

I texted Jamie, hoping he’d tell me how far away they were. Walking from my phone, I went to my room to change clothes quickly. A green jumper seemed festive enough without being too on the nose. I paired it with a pair of black and white checked pants. Maybe a bit overdressed for my own apartment, but I was nervous. I’d rather be overdressed than underdressed. Suddenly, I wished Jamie had sent a car for them. He’d be able to wrangle in my nerves better than I could on my own. I wondered belatedly if Jamie insisted on picking them up so he could prepare them for meeting me. What if there was something about me he had to prepare them for? 

I was getting away from myself. The oven beeped, reminding me about the cookies. I shook my head, trying to get away from my previous train of thought. I loved Jamie and Jamie loved me. Hopefully, that would be enough for his family. 

A sound from the hallway grabbed my attention. I could hear Jamie’s laugh carrying down the corridor. The sound alone warmed me. I finished putting the cookies on a plate and straightened my sweater a bit. I heard the sound of the key in the door as I fluffed my hair slightly. 

Jamie had a happy look on his face as he walked in. His expression quickly turned to surprise as he took in the decorations I’d hung in his absence. He’d stopped in his tracks, making his family linger behind him. His eyes glanced to me before looking back around again. “I was here an hour ago,” he commented as he walked toward me. “Ye didna have to do this, Sassenach.” 

I shrugged. “It was fun.” 

He shook his head at me before his arm came around my shoulder. Gesturing to his family, he said, “Welcome! As you all might remember, this is Claire.” 

I waved timidly to them, wishing I had some of my professional confidence to get me through this moment. 

Really, I shouldn’t have been worried. Same as when she met me, Ellen Fraser ran over to me and wrapped me in a big hug. “Claire, it’s so lovely to see ye again!” 

“And you,” I agreed, returning the hug. “Welcome!”

After Ellen, the rest of the Frasers followed suit and hugged me. It was the reaction I should have expected. They were all so warm and friendly, just like Jamie. We stood in a small circle in my kitchen, Jamie’s arm around my shoulders. 

“I’m so glad you could all make it for Christmas,” I said, unsure of what else to say. 

“Well Jamie usually comes home, but I suppose he has a good reason not to,” Jenny remarked. “Besides, Jamie’s never brought a lass home for Christmas, so we had to jump at the opportunity.” 

I started to chuckle, feeling Jamie tense next to me. Squeezing his waist, I leaned my head on his shoulder. “Thanks, Janet,” he said. 

She shrugged, a grin on her face. “Facts are facts, James,” she replied, pointedly saying his full name as he’d said hers. 

“Thank ye for having us to yer home, Claire,” Brian said, gesturing to my home. “Tis a nice place ye have here.” 

I started to feel a bit shy again. Jamie must have been able to sense it, holding me slightly closer. “Thank you,” I replied in a small voice. “I, uh, I like it here.” I shot an uncertain look at Jamie and he grinned down at me before kissing my temple. 

We congregated towards the other room, sitting down and letting the pressure of the moment dissipate. Ian started talking about the flight to New York and cracked a joke about a loud child onboard. Jamie joined in, sharing a story about a rude theatergoer and the conversation shifted as Ellen pressed Jamie to tell stories from the show. I sat back, listening to stories he’d told me each night as he came home. But there was a comfortability there as he told them to me and his family together. 

After a few hours, it was time for Jamie to get ready to go to the theater. It was his last show before his short break for Christmas. Ellen stood up and went to grab her jacket. “Well if Jamie has to go, I suppose we should be off to our hotel.” 

“You don’t have to!” I offered. They all looked at me. “Just because Jamie’s leaving doesn’t mean you have to retire for the evening. You’re welcome to stay. If you’d like.” 

“Claire, ye dinna have to do that just to impress us or something,” Ian assured me. 

I laughed, shaking my head. “I really meant it. You’re welcome to stay.” 

They shared looks before Jenny and Ian plopped back down on the couch. “Okay then.” 

Brian sat back down too but Ellen looked unsure. “I dinna want to offend ye, Claire. I rather thought that when Jamie left, we would too.” I nodded in understanding. “And so I planned a surprise for Brian and me for this evening.” Brian’s eyebrows rose as he looked at his wife. 

“And what is this  _ surprise? _ ” Jenny asked. 

“Well it’s still a surprise,” Ellen said pointedly. 

“And ye were just going to leave Ian and me to our own devices?” Jenny pressed. 

Ellen shrugged. “Ye’re both adults. I figured ye could find something that sounded fun to ye. I didna think we had to babysit ye both.” 

I couldn’t help but laugh. Jenny clucked her tongue loudly. “Well, I see. I suppose we’ll just stay here and hang out wi’ Claire, then.” She glanced over at me. “If that’s still alright wi’ ye, of course.” 

I nodded to her with a smile. “Fine by me.” 

Jamie walked back into the room, throwing on his coat. “Ye ken the hotel I made ye a reservation at, right?” he asked. 

“We do,” Jenny informed him. “But Claire invited us to stay.” 

Jamie looked over at me, a confused expression crossing his face. He walked back toward my office, nodding his head for me to follow. I walked after him. When I entered the office, he brought me into his embrace. “I ken ye wanted to make a good impression wi’ my family, but you don’t have to entertain them this evening.” 

I looked up at him. “Well I think it’s really just going to be Jenny and Ian. Apparently your mother made plans for her and your father. And I’m happy to spend time with them, Jamie. I want to get to know your family and this is my opportunity.” 

He raised one brow at me. “Are ye sure?” 

I leaned up and kissed him softly. “I’m sure. Besides, it’ll be nice be nice to spend time with someone who actually knows about our relationship.” 

Jamie laughed, kissing my forehead. “I can understand that. Just ken that if they start to annoy ye, ye’re more than welcome to send them back to their hotel.” 

I rolled my eyes. “I doubt they’ll annoy me. But if they do, I know plenty of tricks to put up with annoying people. I did work with Laoghaire for several months.” 

He chuckled. “Alright. Tis yer decision. Have a good time. Dinna let them lie about me.” 

It was my turn to laugh. “Oh, my biggest motivation to spend time with them is to hear all the best stories about you. I’m sure your sister and best friend have the best ones.” 

Jamie shook his head, narrowing his eyes at me. “You canna believe everything they tell ye.” 

“Sure, Darling.” I kissed him before walking from the office. 

Jamie said goodbye to his family and shot me a look before he left the apartment. Ellen and Brian lingered for a bit, not needing to leave  _ just _ yet. We sat around my living room as we had been earlier. It was surprising to me how comfortable I still felt with them, even without Jamie there. 

Ian stood up and wandered over to my bookcase. “So, this is yer Tony, huh?” he asked, touching one finger to the award. 

“Yep.” I watched as he stared at it. “Jamie will have one too.” 

“Ye think so?” Ellen asked. 

I looked over at her with a smile. “Oh yes. Even if it’s not for this show, he will. He’s a brilliant actor. I mean, you know. You’ve seen him.” 

She smiled fondly. “We used to go to his performances in school. Or in the community theater shows that he was cast in. And we always thought he was wonderful. We could see how much joy it brought him.” I could see the memories playing across her face. “When he told us he wanted to move to New York, none of us were exactly surprised. He’d tried to find success in Edinburgh, but the opportunities just weren’t there. We hated to see him go, but it makes it all worth it now.” 

I tilted my head as I watched her. It was a story I’d heard before — actors moving to New York to find success. All too many times it didn’t end up that way. Families were unsupportive and roles didn’t happen. It made my heart so happy that it wasn’t the case for Jamie. He’d found the part, and even if he hadn’t, his family was there for him. 

“Of course, we ken he flubbed the truth a bit,” Brian added. “When he actually called us with news of a real show he was in, it was obvious that he’d stretched things a bit.” 

I chuckled to myself. “He told me that. It was part of why I wouldn’t let him pass on the part. I mean, obviously, he was perfect for it. But I knew he deserved his shot. His big break.” 

“I havena read any reviews, I’ll admit. Jamie said it got good reviews,” Jenny pressed. “I wanted to read something but I didn’t want to come across someone saying Jamie was shite. I knew I’d just get angry.” 

Shaking my head, I laughed. “I read a ton of them. More than I should have. But I never came across one who said that. Thankfully. Having a terrible lead rather tanks a show.” 

There was a silence that hung in the room. “It’s nice to hear it from a professional,” Ian said, interrupting the quiet. “We always thought he was good, but to hear it from someone wi’ experience in this line of work is nice.” 

“There’s a strong chance I’m a bit biased,” I admitted. “But I wasn’t the only one who wanted him for this role. It was all of us.” 

“Well, I am glad you did,” Ellen said. “I’ll say this now while Jamie’s no’ around. I’ve never seen him so happy. And tis no’ just the show.” I smiled, my hand resting over my heart. 

“Thank you,” I replied, almost a bit choked up. 

“He calls us a lot, usually when he’s heading to the theater,” Jenny told me. I knew he did that. “And you can tell, even over the phone, that he’s just happy.” 

“I appreciate that.” I took a breath. “I know I am. And realistically, I know he is. But that observation from the people who know him best...well, it’s nice to hear.” 

“Ye’re good for him,” Ian said as he walked back over and sat on the couch. I nodded to him with a smile of thanks. 

“We better get going,” Ellen announced, standing up to get her coat. “But Claire, thank ye for having us. And I believe we’ll be back here tomorrow, as well?” 

“I think that’s the plan.” I stood up, accepting another hug from both of Jamie’s parents. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

They bid goodbye to Jenny and Ian, setting up a time for the morning before departing. Ian sat down with his hands behind his head. “Okay, now that the old people are gone, what are we going to get up to?” 

Jenny shook her head at him, but I laughed. “Claire, what do ye think we should do?” Jenny asked. 

“Well you’re the ones who don’t live here. What do you want to do?” 

“We went to most of the tourist spots when we came back in September. So as a New Yorker, what would give us a good New York experience?” Jenny continued. 

I bit my lip, trying to think of the best ideas. “We can always start with dinner and see what we feel like doing after that.” 

Ian threw his hands up. “Sounds good to me.” He jumped up, holding a hand out to pull Jenny off the couch. “You pick the restaurant.” I groaned. I hated having to pick places to eat for everyone. It made it even worse that I barely knew them. 

We ended up at a restaurant in Little Italy that I was fond of. They seemed alright with Italian. As we chatted over dinner, I could see how Ian and Jamie had been best friends for so long. They had remarkably similar senses of humor. Jenny and Ian regaled me with plenty of entertaining stories about growing up with Jamie. I loved hearing each story. The one that amused me the most was Jamie dressing up and putting on an elaborate one man show for the children of the small village they lived in. It seemed to certainly be in line with the man I knew now. 

I laughed hysterically as I told them about the time that I came home from work on Halloween and found Jamie dressed as the Phantom. 

“Christ, please tell me he didna try to sing for ye,” Jenny said as she laughed with me. 

“That was my mistake. I asked him to sing “Music of the Night” to me and I shut that down after about five notes,” I informed them through my laughter. 

“Why the Phantom?” Ian asked. “Did he bring ye an elaborate dress to be Christine?” 

“He did actually find me a dress. It was ridiculous and rather hilarious.” Grabbing my phone, I pulled up the picture of the two of us from Halloween and showed it to them. We hadn’t gone anywhere, but it had been fun. I took a sip of my drink before answering his original question. “He dressed as the Phantom because one time, before we were even dating, I’d told him that when I first saw that show, I was attracted to the Phantom.” 

Ian burst out laughing. “Oh, Jamie.” 

“I will say,” I continued, “he worked that half mask quite well.” 

“It looks very becoming on him,” Jenny joked. 

After dinner, I let Jenny and Ian decide what we would do next. Jenny apologized, but dragged me to Rockefeller Center to go ice skating. I assured them it would be an insanely long line, but they had already made up their minds. I didn’t even try to keep track of how long we waited. We kept up conversation as we made our way through the line. Once we were allowed in, it was crowded, but admittedly, kind of fun. 

Ian gathered us together with the tree in the background. He pulled out his phone and took a picture of all of us. Showing it to us, we all commented that it was a good picture before Jenny and I skated off again. He caught up to us after a moment. “I sent it to Jamie,” he commented. “Thought he’d want a picture of all his favorite people.” 

I slowed unconsciously as I skated. It felt like an honor to be considered one of Jamie’s favorite people. Especially considering who the others were. 

That night, I had only been home for ten minutes when Jamie walked in the door. I turned around and he wrapped me in his arms, kissing me soundly. “Hi,” I greeted. 

“Hi,” he said, kissing me again. “How was yer evening?” 

I laid my head against his chest, wrapping my arms around him tighter. “It was really fun! I had a great time with Jenny and Ian.” 

He planted a kiss in my hair. “Good, I’m glad.” Standing back, he gave me a look. “So, I heard ye went ice skating at Rockefeller Center.” 

“I did.” 

“Isn’t that a bit touristy?” I rolled my eyes, knowing where this was going. “I once told ye that we should go to the top of the Empire State Building and you told me you wouldna be caught dead doing something so touristy.” 

“And I stand by that. We are both New Yorkers and don’t need to do that. But Jenny and Ian wanted to go ice skating, so we went. It wasn’t my decision,” I defended. “Also, I was with two tourists.” 

He shook his head, but I saw a small smile on his lips. “Whatever.” Jamie walked over to get a glass of water. “But ye had a nice time?” 

I nodded happily. “They’re great.” 

A broad smile crossed Jamie’s face. “I’m glad ye think so.” 

I walked over to where he was standing, tucking into his side. “Did they have anything to say?” 

His arm came around my waist. “Ian might have texted me to tell me how much fun they were having wi’ ye.” I glanced up at him and could tell by the look on his face how much it meant that we all got along. 

“So, how was the show?” I asked, changing the subject. Jamie started telling me, walking into our room as he changed clothes. I sat on the bed and listened. Once he was finished changing, he stood in front of me. Starting with a kiss, he laid me back on the bed and we were done talking about our evenings. 

* * *

I woke on Christmas morning to the feeling of lips against my cheek. Turning my head, I saw Jamie smiling next to me. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him in close. His arms came around me, holding me to him. 

The day before we’d spent with his family. It had been a fun day where the Frasers shared their Christmas traditions with me. There had been several times I’d glanced over at Jamie and saw the touched look on his face. If it meant a lot to me that his family was making me so welcome, it meant more to him. 

“What time is your family coming over today?” I asked as he started to kiss a trail down my neck. 

“Eleven.” 

“That’s rather late.” 

“Not to me,” he remarked. I peeled open one eye and looked at him. He met my gaze before moving his lips to my chest. “I wanted to have time to do what I wanted this morning.” 

“And what’s that?” 

His head lifted and he shot me a confused look. “If ye dinna ken the answer to that, then ye’re no’ really paying attention, are ye?” He pulled my pajama top up and brought his mouth down again. A groan escaped my lips before I could stop it. “There ye go.” I pulled my top up the rest of the way and threw it to the floor. His hand was at my other breast as he moved his way down my torso. 

He placed a kiss at my belly button when my hand went to his hair. “You realize you haven’t even kissed me yet this morning.” 

“What do ye consider  _ this _ ?” he asked, pointedly placing a kiss to my hip. 

I tugged at his hair, pulling him up toward me. “You know what I mean,” I said before crushing my mouth to his. He responded happily, chuckling against my lips. I held him to me as we shared a long, deep kiss. His body settled between my legs and I could tell he was ready for more. I was fine taking our time. 

He started pushing at my pajama pants and I shimmied them off with his help. We got him out of his and he returned to me with a heated kiss. Taking our time was out of the question now. His hands roved across my body, stoking the fire building within me. I shot my hips up to his and he ground against me. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I reached down and grabbed him. He groaned into my neck but took my hint. We moved together, paying attention to the other’s tells that we’d grown so familiar with in the last few months. It was a dance and we followed each other, finding our mutual pleasure in the other. Today, it was a slow dance, as we climbed higher and higher til we reached the crest together. 

Jamie laid next to me, my hand in his. Once I had enough energy, I rolled onto my side, facing him. “Can I say something in full sincerity?” He nodded. “This is probably the best Christmas morning I’ve ever had.” Jamie laughed and pulled me closer, kissing me soundly. 

A couple hours and a second round in the shower later, Jamie’s family arrived to celebrate Christmas with us. We opened presents and drank eggnog, told stories, and generally enjoyed everyone’s company. 

In the early afternoon, Ellen started making some Christmas cookies from scratch. She had a recipe she knew by heart — passed down from her mother and her grandmother before that. I felt overly emotional when she called me in to help her. As I stood in the kitchen with her, following her instructions and creating something with her, I started to miss my own mother. It had been years since I’d felt it so strongly. I’d been so young when she and my father passed, that often, I just didn’t recognize what I was missing. But as I stood there with Ellen Fraser, acting nearly like mother and daughter, I was overcome with emotion. Tears stung my eyes and I helped form the cookies and put them on the pan. She put them in the oven and I excused myself to my bedroom. 

Jamie followed me into the room, not saying anything, but wrapping me in a tight hug. He’d given me a family again — one that was more than just an orphaned girl and an overworked uncle. It was a strange sensation, but I knew I didn’t want to lose it. 

I pulled myself together and the rest of the day was spent working on the typical Fraser Christmas dinner. Jamie and I were far from experienced cooks, but we helped where we could. In the end, we all crammed around my small kitchen table and shared a lovely home cooked meal together. They told me stories of Scotland and made me yearn to go there someday. Jamie echoed his promise that he’d take me to see his home. 

When they were leaving, we all shared long goodbyes. Jamie was going to see them off tomorrow, but I wasn’t able to. In the few days they’d been here, they’d made me feel like part of the family. Like they  _ were _ my family. I hugged them all tightly and told them, honestly, that I hoped I’d get to see them again soon. 

The next day when Jamie got back from taking them to the airport, I’d finished up a call with John that we’d scheduled. Neither of us had wanted to go into the office, but had things to discuss. I was walking out of my home office when he walked in. We met in the middle and shared a quick kiss. 

Jamie had a fond smile on his face. “They loved you,  _ mo nighean donn _ .” 

“Really?” 

“Oh aye. It was all Mam could talk about. She kept saying that someday when I have more time, I have to bring ye to Scotland,” he informed me with a shake of his head. 

“Well, you know I’d like that.” 

He kissed my forehead. “Me too.” 

I took a deep breath, thinking on the conclusion I’d come to as he left to take his family back to the airport. I’d treasured the time with his family and how it had made me feel. They’d made me a part of their family in the few days that they’d been here and I loved it. 

But it only reminded me of how I’d never introduced Jamie to Uncle Lamb. He knew why I hadn’t and assured me it was fine. I was always worried about how Uncle Lamb would react. The odds of him approving of me dating an actor were slim to none. Still, when Ian had mentioned “Jamie’s favorite people” it made me feel bad that my favorite people had yet to meet. And they lived in the same city. Our relationship was a secret for a reason, but it didn’t need to be a secret from Lamb any longer. 

I held Jamie close and pressed my forehead to his. “So, I came to a conclusion.” 

His eyes opened and looked back at me. “Oh?” 

Taking a deep breath, I stood back and grabbed his hands. His eyebrows lifted as he watched me. 

“I want you to meet Lamb.” 


	13. These Things Are Sent to Try Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a miracle I remembered it's Monday and that I should be posting a new chapter! Enjoy!

I made the mistake of waiting until after the holidays to reach out to Lamb. I didn’t even have the chance to mention getting together before he dropped his own news on me. 

“Claire, I have the greatest news! I’ve been asked to teach a class at a prestigious arts academy! Isn’t that wonderful?” 

I congratulated him, knowing how desperately he’d been trying to find purpose in his life again. Perhaps teaching could be that for him. “That’s fantastic! Where is it? The one here in New York?” 

“Actually, no. It’s in London. The one I attended, as a matter of fact.” 

I paused for a long moment, trying to process it. Lamb had lived in New York for as long as I had been alive. Longer, even. “Wow. Alright. When do you go? How long will you be gone?” 

“I know it’s last minute, but I’ll be leaving in two days and will be there for eight weeks,” he told me. I bit my lip, trying to decide if I could wait to introduce him to Jamie until after he got back. Without a doubt in my mind, I knew he wouldn’t be open to talking about anything but this new opportunity. 

“Well that sounds wonderful,” I said, feeling a bit defeated. There was another part of me though — a dark, sick part of me — that was a bit relieved that I could put off Lamb’s inevitable judgment for a while longer. I really did want Jamie and Lamb to meet. Truly. But I knew, no matter how hard I tried, it likely wouldn’t go well. 

Jamie, thankfully, understood and we went back to our pleasant routine we’d been in before the holidays. I worked three days a week. Jamie acted every night. And together, we fell more in love. 

* * *

Jamie was drinking a cup of coffee on the couch as Claire looked through the fridge, making a list on her phone. They were running very low on groceries and didn’t need to be ordering take-out as often as they did. It was convenient, especially for keeping their relationship a secret. 

She grabbed her purse and walked over toward the couch where he sat. “Think about what you want for lunch,” she suggested before bending down for a kiss. 

“Would it not be better to eat from the groceries that ye’re already getting?” 

Claire rolled her eyes at him in the way he found both endearing and exasperating. “We’re celebrating. Don’t you remember?” 

He nodded, a small smile on his face. “Aye, I recall.” 

“Six months since your first show!” she cheered for him. 

Jamie grabbed her hand, pulling her down again. “I believe that also makes six months since something else happened…” Meeting her for a kiss, he pretended to play dumb. “But what was it?” 

Claire played along. “Yeah, something else. Hmmm. Wonder what it could be.” 

He laughed before kissing her hard. “I’ll think on it.” 

She smiled, squeezing his hand. “I will too.” As she opened the door, she turned back to him. “Text me if I forgot anything.” 

Jamie nodded in reply, waving her off. He watched as she flashed him one last smile before walking out the door. 

It was all so terribly domestic, and sometimes, Jamie couldn’t really believe it was his life. He was essentially living with the woman of his dreams. How was he that lucky? 

He loved Claire with all of him, every fiber of his being. There was no doubt in his mind that he wanted to be with her forever. He’d pretty much been there from the moment they both confessed their feelings. Since then, his feelings had only grown deeper. 

The days where she didn’t work were his favorite. He’d never tell her that. After all, he still felt a bit guilty that she’d altered her work life to accommodate him. But those days were bliss. They’d wake up whenever they woke up instead of having a blaring alarm. Their mornings would be spent however they decided to spend it, whether it was a run (either separately or one of them in a hat that seemed to hide their face), or laying around, or not getting out of bed until they were both fully sated with the other. Those days were his favorite by far. When Claire was just Claire and he was just Jamie. 

He’d mostly moved into Claire’s home in the last couple of months. It started with some clothes and some shoes. That continued to some of his movies that he thought it was a crime she’d never seen. He brought over sheets and towels because he felt like he needed to share and not just go through hers. It had been a couple of weeks since he’d even been back to his own apartment and he didn’t care in the slightest. Jamie was happy and comfortable at Claire’s. And if she was content with it, that’s all that mattered. 

Jamie finished his coffee not long after Claire left for the store and decided to use the time while she was gone to clean up the kitchen. After scrubbing down the counters and sink —as Claire liked to do so regularly that it rubbed off on him — he sat back down on the couch and flipped on the tv. He was still scrolling for something to watch on Netflix when there was a knock at the door. 

Jumping up, Jamie opened the door, imagining Claire didn’t have a hand to get her keys out. But as the door swung open, he was stunned at the person on the other side. The legendary Lambert Beauchamp stood before him, looking thoroughly confused. 

Glancing down at his attire, Jamie regretted meeting the man in a t-shirt and sweats. He cleared his throat nervously. Lamb beat him to the punch to speak first. 

“I was looking for Claire.” 

“Ah, of course. She’s, uh, not here,” Jamie said, feeling flustered. He stuck out his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet ye though, I’m —”

“Oh, I know who you are,” Lamb interrupted him. “But perhaps you can illuminate me on why you’re here, so clearly in a comfortable state, at my niece’s — and more than that,  _ your _ director’s — home.” 

It felt like a rock was stuck in Jamie’s throat. He knew Claire was nervous for the two of them to meet. This certainly wasn’t going to help. Jamie had no words to explain. It was clear what Lamb assumed. And it was more or less correct. Jamie stood there silently, trying desperately to find words. Lamb strode past him into the apartment, planting himself on the couch with a suspicious look. Jamie slowly closed the door behind him, wishing more than anything that it had been his turn to go get groceries. 

* * *

I reached the door —finally— and struggled to get my key in the door. Huffing out a breath, I threw open the door, not even looking around the apartment. I spotted Jamie’s red head of hair out of the corner of my eye. “I couldn’t find that coffee you asked for, so I grabbed that other brand we liked.” Slamming the reusable grocery bags down on the counter, I heard Jamie clear his throat. 

“Claire,” he said almost nervously. 

I looked up and felt my stomach drop. Jamie wasn’t alone in the apartment. “Lamb,” I said in a small voice. My eyes went wide as I glanced back at Jamie. How long ago had Lamb arrived? How long had the two of them been alone together? How had Lamb reacted to Jamie being alone in my home? Likely, not well. “When did you get back from England?” 

Lamb stayed where he was by the couch but his eyes were trained on me. “Last night. I thought I’d come by today and surprise you.” I glanced over at Jamie with an apologetic look. “But instead, it was I who was surprised.” 

I rubbed a hand across my face. “I can see that.” 

“You never mentioned you were seeing anyone,” Lamb mentioned. “If that is what this ” — he gestured between me and Jamie — “ in fact is.” 

My eyes squeezed shut, hating that this was how the two most important men in my life were meeting. “Yes, Jamie and I are dating,” I confirmed for him. “I waited to tell you until we were together for a bit. And then when I was going to tell you,  _ you _ informed me with only two days notice that you were leaving the country for at least two months. So as you can imagine, I decided to wait.” 

Lamb shook his head. “You’re better than this, Claire.”

I gaped at him. “Excuse me?” 

“An actor? Claire, you know he’s only with you to advance his career. And the evidence of that is pretty damning considering he’s the lead of your last show and was formerly a no name.” 

Jamie’s eyes were closed as he stood with his back to the door. I was resisting the urge to throw the nearest object at Lamb. He had no right to be saying such things. 

“You don’t know a damn thing about Jamie or my relationship with him!” I yelled. “For your information — not that you actually asked — we weren’t together until after the show opened. He gained his role on his own. Though, thank you so much for accusing both of us of impropriety. Forget the fact that you don’t even know him, but is that really what you think I’d do?” 

Lamb still looked unimpressed. “I’ve been around a lot longer than you. I’ve seen a lot of good directors start relationships like this for the same reasons but it turned out it wasn’t quite what they thought it was. I’ve seen plenty of people get burned. I know you think you know what this is, but you’re being naive, Claire. Just open your eyes and see that he’s using you.” 

I’d hit my limit. I threw my arm out, pointing to my office. “Office. Now.” I abandoned the groceries and stalked to my office, feeling like steam must surely be coming from my ears. Lamb stepped inside and I slammed the door shut behind me. 

“I need you to listen and actually hear what I’m saying. I love this man. I am  _ in love  _ with him. I wanted you to meet under better circumstances, but this is where we are. I get that you're trying to protect me, and I appreciate that, but I’m not going to fucking take the way you’re treating both of us. We’re adults, for Christ’s sake. He’s not using me. We knew what we were to each other at the beginning of our relationship.” 

Lamb opened his mouth to talk but I talked over him. 

“And frankly, I wouldn’t care if he used my career and reputation to further his own career because he  _ deserves _ a good career. But I know for a fact that he’s  _ not  _ doing that. And you know why? Because I’ve actually spent time with him and you just made assumptions. He’s a good man, better than anyone I’ve met on Broadway. And I love him. I want him in my life.” I paused, letting all that information sink in with Lamb. 

“So, here are your options: you can either walk back out there and get to know the man who is very important to me, or you can find your way out. I need him in my life. I don’t need you telling me I’m a naive child. These are your options. I’ll give you some time to think them through.” 

Without letting him speak, I strode from my office and back to the kitchen. Jamie was putting away the groceries I’d just brought home. As he closed the fridge, he turned to me, shooting me a sad look. I walked straight into his arms and held him tightly. His head leaned against mine as his hands rubbed at my back. 

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. 

“Why should you be sorry? I’m sorry he was so awful.” 

“I should have looked first,” Jamie argued. “I could have spared us all this if I’d looked before just opening the door. I could have pretended no one was here.” 

I chuckled against his chest. “No, he’d probably have let himself in. That would have been even worse.” 

“I ken this wasna how ye wanted us to meet. And I’m sorry for that.” 

I pulled back and looked up at him, running a hand along his cheek. “It doesn’t matter. Whatever he thinks doesn’t matter. You know that, right?” His brow furrowed. “Of course I wanted you both to get along, but if he says he doesn’t approve, it doesn’t change anything for me. You’re too important to me.” 

A small smile crossed his face before he leaned down to place a kiss at my hairline. My eyes fluttered closed and I let him hold me again. 

I heard the door to my office open again, the sound of footsteps carrying back to the kitchen. Jamie and I both looked over just in time to watch Lamb walk right out the door of my apartment. 

My mouth fell open as tears sprang to my eyes. A pain started in my chest at the thought that he’d rather just leave. Jamie held me tighter, whispering to me in Gaelic. 

A knock at the door shook both of us. Shooting one look at Jamie, I pulled back from his embrace and walked over to the door. Lamb stood on the other side, a contrite look on his face. 

“I’d like a fresh start if you think that’s alright,” he told me. 

I shook my head, a dry laugh bubbling out of me. “You always had to be so bloody dramatic.” 

“Curse of the trade,” he said with a shrug. “I heard what you said. And I’d like to start over.” He cleared his throat, standing up a bit taller. “Claire, I’m back from England. I’d love to take this time to catch up on your life.” 

I smiled despite the lingering anger I felt. Standing out of the way, I gestured for him to enter. “Lamb, there’s someone I want you to meet,” I said, playing along. “This is Jamie, my boyfriend.” 

Jamie smiled broadly — as he did every time I broke out the title. He reached his hand out to Lamb and met him for a shake. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Jamie,” Lamb said in a friendly tone. Much friendlier than before. 

Jamie nodded to him. “The pleasure is mine.” 

I walked over and stood next to Jamie, my arm automatically wrapping around his waist. 

“Claire, you’re right, I don’t know much, if anything, about your relationship. How long have you been together?” 

I looked up at Jamie, a fond smile crossing my face. “Today is six months, actually.” 

Lamb’s eyes went wide. “Six months? And you didn’t tell me?” 

I felt a stab of guilt. “Well honestly, I wasn’t sure how you were going to react. I rather thought it would be like this,” I said, motioning to where he’d stood before. “You can imagine why I’d want to put that off.” 

Lamb shook his head, closing his eyes. “I’m sorry, my dear. I played right into what you thought of me. I just never wanted anything bad to happen to you. I should have listened to you before I just jumped to my own conclusions. Jamie, if you would allow me, I’d love to go to lunch with both of you and get to know you better.” 

We flashed an unsure look at each other. “Well, uh, I appreciate the offer,” Jamie replied, “but you two are more than welcome to go.” 

“We don’t really go out in public together,” I explained. “Our relationship is a secret, save for Jamie’s family. We didn’t want people to accuse Jamie of...well, what  _ you _ accused Jamie of.” 

I could see that Lamb was feeling guilty. I wasn’t too sure I cared all that much though. 

“We were actually going to order in it you’d like to join us,” Jamie offered. He glanced at me. “I thought about Frescos.”

“Oh I  _ love  _ Frescos!” Lamb cried, a smile on his face. 

Jamie grinned at the reaction. I shrugged with a smile as well. “I suppose we have a winner then.” 

* * *

We talked with Lamb for hours. He talked about teaching in England. Jamie talked about the show. I talked  _ around _ my lightened workload. And together, we talked about our relationship. Once we got past the initial animosity, it was nice having the two most important people in my life in the same room. 

Eventually, Jamie walked toward our bedroom, changing so he could head to the theater. Lamb didn’t seem to feel the need to leave. I wouldn’t mind the chance to talk to him privately, so I didn’t encourage him to. 

As Jamie was putting on his jacket, Lamb walked over to him, reaching out his hand. “It was lovely meeting you, Jamie. I hope we’ll see each other again soon.” 

Jamie nodded, a pleased look on his face. “I would like that.” 

Lamb clapped him on the arm. “Break a leg tonight.” 

“Thanks.” 

Lamb and I essentially traded positions as I walked over to Jamie. He looked nervously past me, but I didn’t care. Leaning up to him, I kissed him softly. “I’ll see you later.” 

He nodded. “Aye.” 

I kissed him again, whispering to him. “I love you.” 

His lips pressed back to mine. “I love ye too.” 

With one more goodbye to the room, Jamie walked out the door. I waited for a short moment before I walked back over to Lamb. He watched me as I sat down and took a drink of my wine. 

“You were right,” he admitted, breaking the silence. “He seems like a good man.” I nodded, not really knowing how to reply. “And I can see how much he cares for you.” 

“I know he does,” I replied. “And I do too.” 

It was Lamb’s turn to nod. “I can see that. You know what else I see?” I shrugged. “I can see how happy you are. And that makes me happy as well. Even more than when you got your first show, you’re happy.” 

“I am. Truly.” 

“I’m glad.” Lamb took a drink of his wine. “I was never able to do that. To balance a relationship and work. So I just blindly pursued my work. I loved it enough. But that was my choice. And sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I’d tried a bit harder.” 

I took a long sip of my wine. “I wasn’t going to tell you this earlier — you know, when you thought Jamie was using me and all — but I am taking a bit of a break. Well, really, I’ve just shortened my weeks. I wanted more time to devote to building a relationship. I still work, but I’m also still able to make things work with Jamie. He was unsure about me making this choice, but it was my decision that I made on my own.” 

Lamb watched me for a moment. “It’s your career. If you needed that time, it’s yours to take. You’ve worked hard enough to build up a solid reputation. I’m sure when you have more time to give back to your career, it’ll still be there for you.” 

I nodded in agreement. “That was more or less what I thought as well.” 

* * *

Lamb and I parted on much better terms than when we met that afternoon. Later, when Jamie came home, he found me on the couch trying and failing to read my book. He grinned as he threw himself dramatically on the couch next to me. Grabbing my ankles, he pulled me toward him. I leaned into him easily. “Hi.” 

“Hello,” he replied, pulling me closer to him for a kiss. “How’s yer book?” 

“Haven’t really been able to focus on it, honestly.” 

“Thinking about today?” I nodded. “By the end, I thought it went alright.” 

I nodded again, moving so I could curl into his side. “It did. He really liked you. Once he saw you, Jamie, and not you, Actor.” 

“Well once I met him, Uncle Lamb, and not him, Director Lamb, I rather liked him as well.” 

My head leaned on his shoulder. “I’m glad. I’m sorry for all the shit at the beginning.” 

Jamie chuckled. “Ye dinna need to be. I’m just sorry we didna really get to celebrate our six months.” 

I picked my head up and looked at him. “Well I was thinking about that too. I thought of a way to celebrate.” 

Jamie’s eyebrows raised, a devious glint in his eye. “Oh?” He leaned closer to me.

I laughed, pushing his face away. “That too. But later.” 

He grabbed my hands, holding them in his. “Okay. Then what was yer thought?” 

Taking a deep breath, I watched him for a moment. “What if…” I took another breath. “What if you moved in with me?” 

Jamie’s eyes widened, seemingly trying to tell if I was serious. “Ye mean it?” 

I nodded insistently. “I do. On a logical level, it makes sense for us to have one apartment instead of two. But also, I just want you here, always. I love coming home from work and coming home to you. Even when we see each other just in passing, I know that I’ll see you as I arrive and you leave. Or knowing that if I go to bed before you get back, I’m still going to wake up next to you.” 

A broad smile spread across Jamie’s face as his hands tightened around mine. “It is rather nice.” 

“Yeah,” I agreed. “So…?” 

He pulled my hands back suddenly, bringing me against him. “Obviously, yes. I canna even remember the last night I stayed at my apartment because I havena wanted to. Because I want to be here.  _ With you _ .” 

We shared a smile before his hand resting against my neck brought me down for a kiss. My hands linked behind his head as I kissed him long and deep. Neither of us really moved things forward. It was slow and sweet as we melted into each other in a haze of happiness. Six months had felt like nothing and everything at the same time. 


	14. When You're Worn Out and Tired

It started as a gentle sniffle. I’d handed him a kleenex without much thought. Jamie was never sick. Never even allergies. The sniffle alone should have alerted me. But it didn’t. The sniffle grew stronger and lasted a few days. I figured everyone gets sniffles and it didn’t really matter. 

But then the sniffle became a cough. 

And the cough was obnoxious. It was loud. It sounded painful. It made him double over sometimes as he barked it out. 

He was getting worse. 

I wasn’t much of a caretaker. Never really getting sick all that often, I didn’t really even know what I liked when I was sick. We were two healthy people, but Jamie was starting to fall into another category. 

He wouldn’t admit that he was sick though. The first day of the cough, he chugged a bunch of cough syrup right before leaving for the theater. He came home that night looking exhausted out of his mind. Stumbling in, he barely made it to the couch before he collapsed in exhaustion. I covered him with a blanket and let him come to bed whenever he woke up in the middle of the night. It wouldn’t do to try and get him back to consciousness. 

The second day of the cough, it took on a different quality. It was deeper, and objectively, grosser. He hacked away like his life depended on it. That day, he took the bottle of cough syrup with him. Coming home, he was in a similar state to the night before. He plopped down on the couch, but before he could close his eyes, I had him back up and walking toward the bedroom. Jamie was out before I was even into my pajamas. 

The third day of the cough, it was getting even worse. I was reminded of those cough suppressant commercials where the mucus mocks the sick people. I pictured a mucus party in his lungs. No matter what he took, it didn’t seem to make a difference. Granted, he wasn’t getting the rest he needed. Day three was when I floated the idea of his understudy. Jamie scoffed heavily, ignoring the idea completely. He sounded awful though. I suggested a doctor visit and he claimed he didn’t have the time. I knew he was stubborn, but I hadn’t seen this level of stubbornness from him yet. 

Day four was the breaking point. His cough was still getting worse. I told him in no uncertain terms could he go do the show that night. He’d surely cough through the whole thing and give people an awful experience. He insisted that with enough medicine, he could get through it the same as the last three nights. I stood my ground though. If he could be stubborn, so could I. Standing next to him while he still sat in bed, I watched as he called and requested his understudy. It was clear that it killed him to do so, but he took me seriously at least. He sounded like death and more than preserving the show, I wanted him to rest and heal. 

“I just feel bad,” he whined as I walked in with a cup of tea. I’d called Ellen and asked her what he’d liked when he was sick as a child. She’d sent me a long text of all the remedies she would try. I appreciated the help. 

“You shouldn’t feel bad. This is  _ literally _ why we cast understudies, Jamie,” I reminded him.

“Aye, I ken that. But do ye know how many times ye’ve told me I was perfect for the part?” Rolling my eyes, I nodded. Of course he was going to use my words against me. “I suppose that’s gone to my head a bit because I’m no’ sure I trust Mark wi’ the role.” 

I shook my head and shoved the mug of tea in his hands. “Mark will be fine. He’s trained for this and watched you perform plenty of times. He’s got it.” 

“But his Scottish accent is shite,” Jamie argued, hacking out a cough. 

“Yes, but I’m sure Mark can get through a line without getting mucus on the first row.” 

Jamie glared at me as he blew on his tea. “That’s cold.” 

“I see steam coming from it,” I replied, looking at his mug. 

He shook his head at me. “I meant yer comment.” I sat down on the bed next to him while I felt more whining coming. “I just feel like I’m abandoning the cast. I’m letting them down.”

“Didn’t you say Louise was sick in, like, the first two months?” 

Jamie nodded with an annoyed look.

“And Joe missed a week of shows right? When Gail had the baby?” 

With a sigh, Jamie agreed with me. 

“Tell me, did the show fall apart without them?” 

“No,” he said in a small voice. 

“Then it’s not going to fall apart with you either. And if you don’t take at least one damned day to take care of yourself, you’re going to miss several shows because this will have turned into pneumonia and you’ll be in the hospital. Is that what you want?” 

“Obviously not,” Jamie answered, taking a long sip of his tea. “I just...this is my first show. I dinna want to be the weak link. I’m no’ saying I think the show hinges on me, I just dinna want to leave them hanging or let them down.” 

“Do you want me to go?” I asked. His head whipped over to look at me. “Not in your place, obviously, but it’s been a while since I’ve done a check up. I could go and make sure everything runs smoothly for you. Then I can tell you tomorrow how it all went.” 

“Why no’ tonight?” 

“Because I have a feeling you’ll be fast asleep.” 

He rolled his eyes but I saw the start of a smile at the corner of his mouth. His eyes lingered on me as he sipped more tea. “Do ye want to do that?” 

“Like I said, it’s been a while since I’ve checked in to see how things are running. I’m sure someone will freak that I’m choosing to do so the day that you’re gone, but they don’t know that I’ll already be expecting it.” 

Jamie was silent for a long moment. I could tell that he was thinking over my offer. “Ye ken, I’d probably get more sleep if ye werena here to distract me.” 

I snorted out a laugh. “I don’t think much is going to stop you from sleeping. Except maybe that damn cough.” 

He let out a long deep cough as evidence. 

“I’ll go,” I decided for him. “It’ll be nice to see everyone at a time when I don’t have to act weirdly toward you.” 

Jamie laughed, but it only made him cough again. He nodded at my decision. “Alright, then. I’ll finish this and go to sleep.” 

I leaned over and pressed a kiss to his slightly sweaty temple. “I think that’s a good call.” I jumped off the bed, walking toward the bathroom. 

“Claire?” I turned back to look at him. “Thank ye.” 

My face softened as I walked closer to him, a hand resting at his cheek. “It’s not a problem, my love. I just want you to feel better.” Leaning down, I kissed his forehead. I pulled the blankets up further around him before I headed back to the bathroom. 

I left later in the day while Jamie was passed out from his cold medicine. A note was next to the bed telling him to let me know if he needed anything. I figured he’d surely still be asleep when I got home. 

As I got to the theater, a wave of feelings crashed over me. I was thrown back into the way I’d felt all through production. It was strange. Walking back in gave me such visceral memories that almost made me wish I’d chosen a check in time that Jamie would be there for. But the whole point of coming was to ease Jamie’s mind. 

Joe, thankfully, was the first one to see me. “Beauchamp!” he called, his arms outstretched. 

“Joe!” I walked over and he wrapped me in a hug. 

“What brings you by?” 

I shrugged. “Just checking in. Been a while since I’ve done so.” 

He hissed in a breath through his teeth. “You picked one hell of a show to check in on. Fraser’s out today.” 

I hoped my face didn’t betray me as I pretended to act surprised. “Oh, he is?” 

Joe nodded. “Yeah. Can’t say it surprised me all that much to hear it. He’s been fighting off something nasty for most of a week now. Boy needed a break for sure.” 

Part of me wanted to ask Joe to say that all again so that I could record it and send it to Jamie. It wasn’t just me that decided Jamie needed to rest. 

“Well then I’ll be curious to see how Mark does as understudy,” I replied. 

“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Joe assured. 

“Me too.” I looked over at him and realized I hadn’t really talked to Joe in a while. We’d been friends before the show, after all. “So, how are things? How’s the baby?” 

A bright smile crossed his face. “She’s wonderful!” He immediately pulled out his phone and started showing me picture after picture of the baby. We passed the time talking about his family. I was relieved that by the time he asked me about my life, he was pulled away to get his costume on. 

I walked further backstage and was talking to one of the crew members when another familiar face pulled me aside. “What are you doing here?” John asked. 

I stared at him in surprise. “What are  _ you _ doing here?” 

“I heard Fraser was going to be out so I decided to come see how things would run without him,” John told me. His eyes narrowed in my direction. “What about you?” 

Shrugging slightly, I replied. “Well, it had been a while since I had done a check in. Between taking some time off and working the other days of the week, it’s just been a while. Decided to come today. I didn’t realize Jamie wouldn’t be here.” A well executed lie.  _ I hoped _ . 

“Why, because you would have picked a different night?” he teased. 

I glared at him. He held his hands up in surrender. 

“Sorry.” 

“Yeah, well you should be,” I retorted before walking away from him. 

I walked over toward the stage manager and stood toward the back wall. It wasn’t my show; I was just observing. The woman had an excited look on her face as she was whispering loudly to one of the other crew members. Each person who heard it became significantly more jittery and excited. 

“What’s going on?” I asked, stepping toward them. 

The stage manager turned toward me, her face lit up. “We heard from one of the attendants that there’s someone famous in the audience.” 

I raised one eyebrow. “Who?” 

* * *

I crept back into the apartment, feeling like quite the traitor. Slipping my shoes off, I tried to be as quiet as possible so I wouldn’t wake up Jamie. All the lights were off which meant he surely was still in bed. I’d gotten completely through my nighttime routine and pulled back the blankets before he roused at all. His head turned toward me before his eyes even opened. As I settled in bed, his hand reached out for mine. 

“Sassenach?” he whispered. 

I scooted closer, rubbing a hand along his forehead, pushing his hair back. “I’m here. How are you feeling?” 

“Tired.” 

“Mmm. I bet so. Just go back to sleep.” 

“How was the show?” he asked, ignoring my suggestion and opening his eyes. 

I chuckled to myself. “This is quite the role reversal.” A small smile tugged at his mouth. “The show went well. You’ll be happy to know that Mark didn’t ruin it.” 

“Good. Anything notable happen? Did Laoghaire ask anyone else out in my absence,” he asked around a light laugh. 

“Nope. Apparently you’re just the lucky one.” 

He rolled his eyes, fighting to keep them open at all. “You didn’t answer my other question. Anything notable?” 

My silence made him open his eyes wider to look at me. Apparently my answer was written on my glass face. 

“What happened?” 

I sucked in a breath. “There was a celebrity in the audience. Everyone got excited by that.” 

Jamie, somehow even when sick, masked his face. “Oh? Who was it?” 

“I don’t want to tell you.” 

His face betrayed him a bit this time. “Claire, who was it?” 

I bit my lip, knowing he was going to be mad at me. “It was Lin.” 

“ _ Manuel-Miranda _ ?” he asked, a slight gasp to his question. I nodded, my face contorted. “Are ye bloody serious?” I nodded again. “Did he come back and meet the cast?” 

“Jamie, don’t ask me that.” 

“Claire.” 

“Fine, yes, he did. He came back and talked with all of us. Apparently his dad saw the show and loved it and recommended it,” I told him. Jamie looked utterly betrayed. “I’m sorry.” 

“The one bloody day ye made me stay home and one of my idols is there?” 

“You know I never could have predicted this!” 

He shook his head at me, a disapproving look on his face. “I canna believe ye.” He pulled out his phone, opening twitter. “Would it be bad if I tweeted him and told him he should come another time so he can have a better show? You know, with the  _ actual  _ lead.” 

I grabbed his phone out of his hand and sat on it. “Yes, Jamie, that would be bad. I’m not letting you do that. Look, when it’s meant to be, you’ll meet your idol.” I leaned closer to him. “Maybe at the Tony Awards.” 

His eyes narrowed as he glared back at me. “Dinna invoke the Tonys to try and distract me. Ye ken I’ll start thinking on how people are predicting that we’ll get nominated. But just know, Claire Beauchamp, that I’m no’ likely to forget this any time soon.” He told me, pointing at me ominously. 

I rolled my eyes at him, tucking his blanket in tighter around him. “Okay, dear. But you know what? You sound a lot better.” He gave a half cough in reply. “Still sound better than you did earlier. Sleeping most of the day must be helping. Go back to sleep, okay.” 

He huffed in reply, but scooted to lay back down. Even if he blamed me for making him miss meeting his idol, he still clutched my arms as I became the big spoon and curled around him. My ear pressed to his shoulder blade, listening to the comforting sound of his breathing til I followed him into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by an interview I saw with Lin Manuel-Miranda where he was talking about being sick one night of Hamilton and it was the night Beyonce went. I thought it would translate well to this story! Thanks for reading!


	15. Happy Is What Happens When Your Dreams Come True

It became a thing John and I did, starting with our first show that got real Tony buzz. We’d call the cast to the theater early the day before nominations were announced. And those would be tomorrow morning. John and I were buzzing at a high frequency and had been for the last week. But every time I talked about it with Jamie, he seemed almost disinterested, as if this wasn’t a potentially huge time for him as well. He’d either give me an “uh-huh” while he looked at his phone or he’d change the subject all together. I hadn’t brought up how much it irritated me, but I’d grinded my teeth each time it happened. 

We bought lunch for the cast and crew and sat around on the stage catching up. Jamie and I kept a safe distance from each other. “How’s everyone feeling?” John asked as people grabbed some of the sandwiches we’d provided. A few confused glances made John continue. “I mean about tomorrow. Tony noms, guys!” 

Everyone started talking at once, excitement seeping from each of them. I smiled, glancing over at Jamie. He was the only one who seemed to be faking it. I saw the moment his mask slipped. It was the same damn look I had been getting at home. 

“Look,” I said to everyone, “John and I have been keeping track of various predictions and such. And yes, many predictions do include us among the nominees. But, I just want to say that even if we aren’t named tomorrow, it won’t diminish any of the pride John and I have for this show, this cast, or this crew. No matter the accolades, you all have been fantastic. This show has been having a great run and continues to get great reviews. We wanted to do this with you today because tomorrow doesn’t determine if we’re a successful show. We already are. And it’s down to the hard work of every person in this room. So, thank you!” 

After that, we mostly sat around and chatted. It had been a while for me and John since we’d had personal time with the cast and crew. Mostly, if we were ever there, it was check ins or because someone had asked us to be. It was nice to see everyone relaxed (if a bit restless for tomorrow) and seemingly enjoying time together. The tradition John and I had started was a good one. 

I planted myself next to Joe with a cup of tea in my hand. We were in a lull of conversation when we picked up on another pair’s conversation. My ears were naturally perked to Jamie’s voice. Glancing at Joe, I could tell he was listening in as well. 

“Ah, I canna.” 

“Come on,” Laoghaire cried. “That’s what you say every time. Just once you should come out to get drinks. We could drink off our nerves tonight before the nominations.” 

I rolled my eyes to myself. Jamie told me how often she asked him to go out. It was incredible and ridiculous that in the almost year they’d known each other, she hadn’t given up yet. As far as I knew, the only time Jamie had actually gone out for drinks with her was when everyone else was going as well. The night we’d seen each other at the bar again. 

“I’m no’ really that nervous,” Jamie said with a shrug. Joe and I were openly watching them talk now. 

“Well, I am. Maybe you can help me with that,” she suggested, reaching out a hand to his arm. I was a bit worried I was going to crush the cup in my hand as my grip tightened on it. 

Jamie moved her hand off him, looking annoyed. “Look, Laoghaire, I have a girlfriend.” I heard Joe gasp a little, looking over at me. “So please find someone else to pester.” 

To his credit, Jamie never glanced in my direction. I was sure that if the situations had been reversed, I would have looked over at him and likely given it all away. 

“What?” Laoghaire cried. “Since when? Who is she?” 

I felt myself tense next to Joe. Surely Jamie wasn’t going to reveal it all right there. I knew he wouldn’t. But I couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous. 

“It doesna matter who she is,” Jamie retorted. “But we’ve been together for a while now. I never mentioned her because it’s no’ anyone’s business. I would have thought that after I told you no as many times as I now have that you’d take the hint. I didn’t think I’d have to bring up my girlfriend to make you stop.” 

“Damn,” Joe whispered. I couldn’t help but chuckle, elbowing him in the arm. I was pretty impressed myself, though. 

“I just want to know who she is,” Laoghaire said in a purposefully calmer voice. “Get to know her, maybe.” 

“She’s verra private. I doubt she’d like that. It’s bad enough that I’m an actor,” he said before he excused himself and walked over to talk to John. Joe and I watched as Laoghaire stood there looking like she had to readjust her whole life. 

Joe held his cup up in front of his mouth, turning to me. “Do you think Fraser actually has a girlfriend or was just lying to get out of all her advances?” 

I forced a laugh, holding my cup in the same way he was. “I wouldn’t blame him for lying,” is what I went with. 

At some point a while later, John and I ended up in a small circle talking about the nominations. Louise and Joe were both talking with us. “Do you think you’ll get any sleep tonight?” John jokingly asked them. 

Louise laughed. “Probably not. It’s been a while since I’ve been involved with something that could potentially be nominated. I doubt I’ll get a wink.” 

“I have a baby, so that’s a no,” Joe agreed. “Of course, maybe she’ll take my mind off things.” 

Jamie walked over, joining our little group. He stood next to Joe, purposefully avoiding being next to me. I was glad for it because I wasn’t sure my hand wouldn’t drift to him out of muscle memory. 

“Jamie, what about you?” John asked. “You must be excited, especially with it being your first Broadway show.” 

Jamie shrugged. “Eh, I suppose. But no matter what happens tomorrow, I’ll still have to come here and do my job. So I dinna see how it matters.” 

My brow furrowed as I looked at him. He was giving them the same treatment he was giving me. “So, what, you’re not excited? What, are you not going to get up and watch nominations?” John pushed. 

“Probably not,” Jamie confirmed. “Why get up early on a day I dinna have to just to watch a bunch of names being read?” 

Everyone stared at him with confused looks. “But one of those names could be yours,” Louise reminded him. 

“And maybe it won’t be,” Jamie replied. “I’m sure I’ll hear about it if it does end up being mine.” 

I watched him with narrowed eyes, trying to figure him out. Thankfully, the others seemed to be doing the same thing. 

“So you’re not going to watch the nominations?” John repeated. 

“Nope.” 

We all argued with Jamie about why it was weird. Well, not me, of course. I only backed up other people’s arguments. But Jamie didn’t seem to care what we had to say. He was set in his decision. 

John and I walked from the theater as the cast and crew moved to get ready for tonight’s show. He stopped just outside the door and turned to me. “Okay, bear with me for a moment.” I nodded, a bit unsure what this would be. “How well do you know Jamie?” 

My mouth flattened into a line as I decided how to answer his question. I went with a joke. “Well,  _ biblically _ , if you recall.” He flashed me a disapproving look. “Why?” 

“I’m trying to figure him out. You would think that any other potential first time nominee on their first fucking show would be more excited about this,” John reasoned. 

I nodded. “Yeah, I agree. I don’t know why he’d act that way.” I wanted to talk about how it had been bothering me for a week. 

“It’s just weird, right?” 

“It is. I don’t have any insight on the matter though.” 

John sighed. “Well, I will talk to you tomorrow, I’m sure.” 

I laughed a bit. “One way or the other,” I agreed. 

We parted and I went home, spending my time waiting for Jamie, while deep in thought about his reaction to the nominations.

* * *

True to his word, Jamie didn’t wake up when my alarm went off the next morning. I shook him, but he pushed my hand off his arm and curled tighter into the blanket. Sighing to myself, I ran and grabbed my computer, bringing it to bed with me. He may not want to watch, but I was going to make him listen. I pulled up the live stream and waited for it to start. I stared at the empty podium before the announcers walked out on stage. Cranking the volume up, I turned to see if Jamie would even acknowledge it. 

There was some conversation between the announcers as they dragged their feet to start announcing. I knew that Jamie’s category would be first. It irritated the hell out of me that he didn’t even seem to care. This was a huge deal and he was still asleep. I felt more nervous for him than I was for the fact that  _ I  _ could also be nominated. My own nomination hadn’t even been on my radar until John mentioned it to me earlier in the week. I’d been so focused on Jamie. 

My phone buzzed as the announcers continued to chatter aimlessly about the Tony Awards and what they mean to the community. Everyone already knew this. I shook my head and looked down at my phone. It was a group text between Jamie, Jenny, and me. I opened it and saw a picture of his whole family huddled around a computer watching the live stream, waiting for them to announce the nominations. Smiling, I sent back a text. 

**Some potential nominee is still sleeping. **

It only took a few seconds before a reply came in. 

**Wake that daft numptie up!**

Laughing at her text, I shook him again to no response. 

Rolling my eyes, I turned back to the screen. The chatter seemed to be over and I held my breath as they started to announce the Lead Actor in a Play. My hands were clasped in front of me, my face mere inches from the screen. 

Five other names were announced and I started to lose hope. But then I heard it. “Jamie Fraser for —” I screamed before they could even say the name of our play. I threw myself against him and started smacking him to wake him up. 

“Claire,” he groaned. 

“ _ You got nominated! _ ” I shrieked. My hands were on his arm and shoulder, shaking him in my excitement. I bent over him and pressed a mess of kisses all over his face. He was sleepy and a bit confused, but rolled over and sat up to look at me. 

“What?” he asked, an unsure look on his face. 

I grabbed his face in my hands. “You got nominated for a bloody Tony Award!” 

His eyes went wide, still filled with disbelief. “What? I did?” I nodded insistently, kissing him hard and hugging him to me. His arms slowly came around me as his brain was catching up. On the nightstand next to him, his phone started ringing loudly. Ellen’s face filled his screen and he answered it. As he put it on speaker, I could hear the screaming on the other end. “Hello?” 

The happy chaos that erupted from the phone was intoxicating. They were all so excited for him. As was I. My hands hadn’t left him as I held him close, so bloody proud of him. 

“Jamie, you got  _ fecking  _ nominated!” Ian yelled over the cacophony.

“Aye, apparently so,” he replied. When I looked over, I saw tears swimming in his eyes. 

“We’re so proud of ye, Son!” Brian called to him. “I’m sure ye need to watch the rest of it, but we’ll call you back later!” 

“Aye, we just wanted to share our excitement for ye,” Ellen agreed. “We love ye so much, James Alexander.” 

A sweet smile covered his face. “Thank ye. I’ll call ye a bit later once I can process this a bit.” 

He hung up and turned toward me, a stunned look still there beneath the joy from the phone call. “Holy shit,” he sighed. “Is this real?” 

I laughed and nodded, hugging him to me again. “I promise you it is.” His arms tightened around me as he planted a kiss in my hair. 

Slowly, I untangled from him and turned back to the announcements. I’d missed other critical ones in my excitement for Jamie. Unable to sit still due to exciting jitters, I jumped out of bed and paced. 

* * *

Jamie sat there, eyes on the computer screen, but unable to focus on anything else. His mind was reeling over the fact that he’d actually gotten the nomination. He knew he’d been annoying Claire throughout the last week as he brushed off any acknowledgement of the awards in general. It was obvious how she sighed or huffed each time he did it. But he was getting too nervous and didn’t want to give it any thought. Even if Claire hadn’t kept him apprised of the predictions, he’d have known about them. The other cast members had discussed them even when they’d all agreed not to. His sister sent him links each time she found an article with his name listed. And there were the tweets he’d been tagged in as people made their own predictions. 

But he didn’t want to get his hopes up. He knew that surely if he believed the nomination was coming, then he wouldn’t get it. Rather than tell anyone that, he just brushed off their comments and tried to ignore the looks Claire gave him when he did it to her. 

Claire was talking excitedly as she paced next to the bed, texting back and forth with someone. Likely John. She kept telling him things he had to look forward to and what he’d have to do after the stream of nominations ended, but he still couldn’t focus. He was fairly sure some of what she was saying was just her thinking out loud. 

His phone rang again, this time with a different caller. “Hello?” 

“Please tell me you actually got up and watched the bloody nominations,” John said without preamble. “Because, Jamie Fraser, you got the damn nomination!” 

“Aye, I heard that,” Jamie replied, still aiming for nonchalance. 

“Congratulations!” 

“Thank ye. I appreciate it. I canna really believe it, honestly.” 

“Well, believe it, because this is real. You got nominated for a Tony on your first Broadway play. That’s fucking awesome, man!” 

Jamie chuckled in reply. Claire took the inopportune moment to yell to him. “Jamie, Louise got nominated!” She updated as she continued pacing. 

John cleared his throat in Jamie’s ear. “Was that Claire?” 

Jamie glanced over at her, a mild moment of panic washing over him. Suddenly, he realized it wouldn’t hurt one more person to know. “Yeah,” he admitted. “It was.” 

John made a noise of surprise. “What are you doing with Claire?” Jamie was silent for a long moment. “Look, Claire told me what happened before auditions.” 

“Yeah, she mentioned that once.” 

There was a long beat of silence before John spoke again. 

“How long have you guys been together?” 

Jamie sighed. “Since Opening Night.” 

“ _ What _ ?” John screeched. “That long? How has she not told me?” 

“Because we were keeping it a secret. Still are, actually.” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep your secret. I’m just...blown away a bit. Wow. Okay. Well, I’ll let you go, but congratulations, Jamie. You earned it.” 

“Thanks, John. I appreciate it. I ken it wouldn’t have been possible wi’out ye and Claire.” 

“Save it for your acceptance speech,” John teased before saying goodbye. 

Claire walked to the side of the bed. “You got nominated. Louise got nominated. Joe got nominated. The play itself got nominated. And those are just the categories I’ve already checked. Wow, what a day!” She continued pacing and checking her phone excitedly. 

Jamie pushed the covers out of his way and stood up, moving over to her. She paused, looking up at him with a brilliant smile. “You got nominated,” she reminded him. 

His reply was in his kiss. Her back met the wall as he kissed her deeply. It was “thank you for the reminder” and “thank you for the chance” at the same time. Claire’s hands ran up his back as she returned the kiss eagerly. Slowly, they separated and he rested his forehead against hers, looking down at her. “I canna believe it,” he said again. 

Claire’s arms wrapped tighter around him. “Well believe it. We’re going to have to find you a tux.” 

He shook his head with a roll of his eyes, but a smile was there too. 

It wasn’t until later when they were sitting at the table, eating a quickly thrown together breakfast and reading everything they could online about the nominations, that it hit Jamie. He stared at a list, realizing Claire had never acknowledged it. 

“Claire,” he said in a measured voice. She looked over at him. “You got nominated as well.” 

“Huh,” she replied, a surprised look on his face. “How about that? I guess I was more focused on your nomination that I didn’t really even care about my own potential nomination.” 

“Well that’s just wrong,” he decided. Standing up suddenly, he pulled her out of her chair and picked her up, spinning. “You got nominated!” he cheered, trying to mimic her reaction from before. He set her back down on the floor and stared at her for a moment. She looked positively elated. His hands cupped her cheeks. “I’m so proud of ye.” 

Somehow, her smile grew. “Well I’m so proud of you.” 

“I guess it’s a tie,” he offered before leaning down to kiss her. 

They settled back in their seats, eating more of their breakfast. His hand reached over and grabbed hers. She smiled as she glanced over at him. 

“Hey, I’m sorry.” 

Her brow furrowed before she replied. “What for?” 

“I was a jerk this week. You wanted to talk about all this and I brushed ye off every time. It wasna very kind of me. And I’m sorry.” 

She laughed, shaking her head. “It’s okay, Jamie. I was somewhat confused by it. And I suppose, a bit annoyed as well. But you don’t have to apologize.” 

“I didna want to count on it,” he admitted to her. “The only times people brought it up to me were to tell me that people were predicting my nomination. But it was enough to get cast in the play at all and I didn’t want to forget that if I got disappointed that I didna get a nomination or such. And so rather than tell anyone that, I just was rude and changed the subject. And I’m sorry.” 

Her hand tightened around his. “You don’t have to be sorry. I get it. I was more or less that way the first time one of my plays had Tony buzz. I didn’t want anyone to talk about it and, therefore, jinx it.” She grinned broadly. “But you got it.” 

His grin matched hers. “As did you.” 

A playful look crossed Claire’s face. “You know, that might make us a Broadway power couple.” 

He nodded, chuckling in reply. “I like the sound of that.” 

She stepped over to his corner of the table, settling herself in his lap, her arms around his neck. They met for a long, languid kiss. Her fingers raked through his hair, making him sigh against her. Jamie put his hands low on her waist, pulling her down on his lap even further. Her hips started to roll against him as his tongue sought hers. Things were heating up between them when his phone rang on the table. She broke apart to look at it. 

“Ignore it,” he commanded, trying to bring her back to him.

“It’s your family.” She shot him a look. “Take the call. They’re happy for you and want to share it with you. We can pick this up the minute you hang up.” 

“The very minute,” he declared as she stood up from him. “I’m taking you up on it.” 

Claire laughed as he swiped on the call. “Hello. Ye’re on speakerphone.” 

“Is Claire there?” Jenny asked. 

“I’m here!” 

“Ye got nominated too!” Ellen squealed. “Congratulations, Claire! How wonderful!” 

A hand came to rest over her heart as she flashed a look at Jamie. 

“We’re so proud and happy for both of ye,” Brian told them. 

Claire sat back on his lap, her head leaning on his shoulder. His arm came around her protectively as they sat there listening to his family shower them with excitement and praise. Jamie couldn’t quite believe it all. The moment almost seemed too surreal.

His family’s unwavering support. 

A Tony Award nomination. 

And Claire. 

She was still — and probably always would be — the biggest shocker of all. The fact that she loved him back and supported him as eagerly as his family. Awards meant nothing next to her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm quite terrible at replying to comments and I apologize, but I want you to know that I read them (sometimes go back and read them again) and very much appreciate them! Thank you for the support of this story! We've got a few chapters left after this one!


	16. I Wasn't Jealous Before We Met

I walked into the office for the first time after the Tony nominations were announced. Expecting John to be all but dancing through the room, I was surprised to see him simply sitting there watching me, one eyebrow raised. He watched me as I sat my things down. “Something on your mind, John?” 

“I know your secret, Beauchamp.” 

My head whipped over in his direction. “Excuse me?” 

“About Jamie,” he added. 

I forced out a fake laugh. “Yes, because I told you about it. Months ago.” 

“No, I meant the fact that you’re together.” 

Slowly, I turned and looked over at him. “I’m sorry?” 

A large smile crossed his face. “Oh, I know. What I don’t know is how you’ve been keeping it a secret from me for such a damn long time.” 

I sat down in my chair, feeling a bit deflated. “How did you find out?” 

He wheeled his chair closer to my desk. “I called Jamie to congratulate him on his nomination and I could hear you yelling in the background.” My eyes squeezed shut. “Once I asked, he admitted it.” 

“Damn it.” 

“Why are you being so secretive? He said you’ve been together since the show opened. How the hell have you kept this secret this long?” 

“With a lot of hard work,” I said with a laugh. “What are you thinking?” 

“That I’m happy for you, but a bit sad you didn’t trust me with the information,” John replied, giving me a look. 

“If it makes you feel any better, Lamb only found out in March,” I tried. 

His eyes went wide. “No way. You kept it a secret from him for that long?” I shrugged. “Well, that does make me feel a bit better.” He gave me a serious look. “Are you guys happy?” 

I smiled to myself. “Yeah. Really happy.” 

John returned my smile. “Then I guess that’s all that matters. I mean, I’m going to give you shit for this for a while, but I’m happy for you two.” 

“Thank you,” I said, turning back to my desk. I don’t know how Jamie forgot to mention to me that he told John. I sent him a text about it, but I really didn’t care. It was nice to have someone else in on the secret. 

Around lunchtime, Jamie showed up, a bag of food in hand. It was an unexpected perk of John knowing our secret. We could be seen together in public. Well, the concealed public of my workspace, but still. John burst out laughing as he turned around to see Jamie. “Bringing your girlfriend lunch, huh?” 

Jamie grinned, holding up the bag. “I was, yes.” He grabbed a wrapped sandwich out of the bag and tossed it to John. “But don’t worry. I didn’t forget you.” 

John looked genuinely touched as he looked down at the sandwich in his hands. I tried my best to hold in a laugh at his expense. Jamie walked closer to my desk and sat down on the edge of it, handing me the lunch he’d brought me. It was my favorite soup from the deli. I smiled up at him, tilting my head up for a kiss. Jamie shot a glance at John before turning back to kiss me quickly. 

The three of us sat there and chatted as we ate our lunches. The nominations from the day before had been the bulk of our conversation topics. Jamie was finally free to share his real feelings about the nominations instead of brushing them off as he’d done up until the announcement. We couldn’t help but marvel as a group at his luck, though John and I of course claimed that we could have predicted it from the beginning. Jamie, humble as always, shook his head and disagreed with us. 

It was so pleasant to have Jamie there with us. I was silently dreading him having to leave. He’d only come to bring us lunch, but I would have been fine with him staying the rest of the day. I could feel the moment approaching when he was going to tell me he should leave. Just as he was turning to me, a knock sounded at the door. John and I looked to each other, both of us confused. Neither of us were expecting anyone today. 

“Come in,” John called. 

The door opened and my stomach sank. I stared at the man in front of me, realizing it had been months since I’d last thought of him. Probably since Jamie and I had gotten things settled between us. He flashed his thin, smug smile. Clearly, he knew none of us in the room wanted to see him. 

“Frank,” I said in a cold voice, “what are you doing here?” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jamie stand up a bit straighter. He wanted to protect me but he didn’t know from what. 

“Can an old friend not come and offer congratulations on your luck this year?” he asked. 

“Friend seems like a strong word,” John retorted. “More than that, you don’t drop in on me and Claire without some greater motive.” 

“So pessimistic,” Frank chided. “I simply wanted to express my happiness for your success.” His eyes focused back on me and I felt his cold stare. My body tensed under his gaze. Jamie still leaned against my desk, as tense as I was. “Claire, congratulations. I know you must have been so excited.” 

“Aye, well we all were,” Jamie jumped in. “Our production was very fortunate.” 

Frank’s eyes turned to Jamie. He plastered on a polite face for him. “Jamie Fraser, right?” Jamie nodded. “I’ve seen your performance. Truly great.” 

“Thank you,” Jamie replied stiffly. 

“What brings you to see these two?” 

“Why does that matter?” John fired back. 

“Well, after the nominations, I wanted to express my thanks in person,” Jamie lied. “Is that so unheard of?” 

“I don’t think so,” I said. “Well, at least not when producers and directors work well with the cast.” 

Frank saw my comment for what it was. “I’d love to have a moment of your time, Claire.” He cut his eyes over to John, trying to tell him to leave his own office. 

“Fat chance,” John retorted. “Anything you need to say to Claire, I believe you could say in front of me and Jamie. Neither of us are leaving.” Frank looked annoyed. “More than that, you’ll find Claire isn’t going to work with you again. We have a contract that keeps us both protected in that way.” 

Frank sighed. He was clearly not used to people not bending to his will. I vaguely recalled that about him from the days when I’d spent more time with him. I was glad that I had backup for his sudden reappearance in my life. 

“Well, I suppose we’ll just have to talk another time, Claire,” Frank replied. He bowed his head to us as he backed toward the door. “Congratulations on the nominations,  _ friends _ .” 

John rolled his eyes and groaned loudly as the door closed behind Frank. “Friends. Good joke. What a prick.” 

“Who is he?” Jamie asked, looking between me and John. 

I was silent. John answered for me. “He’s another producer. And a gigantic prick.” 

Jamie clearly wanted to ask more, but stayed silent and nodded instead. “Well, I should head out too.” He bent down and kissed my cheek. “I’ll see you at home.” 

I nodded to him, able to manage a small smile. “Wait,” John said, shaking his head. “Home?” Jamie and I looked over at him. “Do you guys live together?” 

We both laughed. “Yes, actually we do,” I confessed. 

John gaped at us. “How the hell have you kept this all a secret?” 

“It’s all about keeping people from asking the right questions,” Jamie said. 

“Or dodging the correct answers when they do ask the right questions,” I added. Jamie nodded in agreement. 

John rolled his eyes at us. “Whatever. I guess I should feel flattered I’m part of the secret.” 

“That was purely an accident,” Jamie told him with a grimace. I laughed to myself at the look John shot Jamie. “Anyway, I should go. John, I’ll see you soon. Claire, I’ll see ye later.” 

“Bye,” I said, kissing him quickly before he walked out too. 

The rest of the day passed fairly simply and when I got home, Jamie had already left for the theater. I was a bit relieved, if I was being honest. Based on the look on Jamie’s face at my office, I knew he’d want to ask me more about Frank. And it wasn’t a story I really wanted to tell at the moment. It wasn’t necessarily on purpose that I was already in bed when Jamie got home. He didn’t strike up a conversation as he sometimes did. Instead, he just crawled in behind me and wrapped his arms around me. My body melted against his and I laid my hand over his. With him beside me, I finally started falling asleep. I could hear a contented sigh from him before I stopped processing anything else. 

With the nominations, I told Jamie I’d need to go into the office a bit more often. I wasn’t looking forward to missing the time we usually had together. Sitting in my office chair, I sighed as I hung up my phone. Yet another call asking about the show and our reaction to the nominations. Clearly, they had to know what our answers would be. John, thankfully, took the in person interviews when he saw how much I didn’t want to do them. The interviewers didn’t really want to talk to the producers, but they’d make do. 

I laid my head down on my desk, feeling a bit drained. The office was quiet with John off on an interview. Even when we didn’t talk, there was still ambient noise in the room. A knock at the door surprised me. I looked over just as the door swung open. Not even bothering to fight the groan escaping me, I glared at Frank. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“I heard through the grapevine that John was doing interviews,” Frank remarked. “I thought it would be a good time to catch you.” 

“Frank, whatever you’re trying to pull, you should know, I’m never going to work with you again. Ever.” 

He didn’t look convinced. His face bore that same sly expression it always did. “Claire, let’s not be so hasty. We used to work well together.” 

“Yes, before I came to realize what an astounding arsehole you are.” I sat straighter in my chair, my arms crossed.

“I know John has poisoned your mind against me, and I can’t imagine why,” Frank said as he took a few steps closer to me. “But with our mutual successes, we’ll take your career further than Grey ever will.” 

“My career is doing just fine. I don’t know if you heard, but I was just nominated for a Tony. As was my show, my lead actor, my lead actress, and my supporting actor. And those are just to name a few. We got 10 nominations overall. I’m sorry, but does that sound like a struggling career?” I raised one brow challengingly. 

He was silent for a long moment, watching me. I did my best not to squirm under his gaze. Slowly, Frank walked closer toward me. My chair was as far back as it would go. I tensed as he got closer to me. Memories flashed in my mind and my hands clenched into fists in my lap. 

“Your career is doing well now because I gave you the start you so desperately needed,” Frank sneered. 

I scoffed. “I got the start I needed from Lamb.” 

“But who was the producer who gave the young new director a chance?” He gave me a look. “If you’ll recall, it was me.” 

“If it hadn’t been you, it would have been someone else. You’re not special, Frank.” 

He stood right in front of my chair, towering over me. The man wasn’t giving up and I wasn’t giving in. “You remember the good times we used to have. I know you do. Just go to dinner with me. I’ll convince you to work with me again.” 

I rolled my eyes. There was no way I’d actually go to dinner with the bastard. “No.” 

“It’s one dinner. What, are you afraid you’ll cave too easily?” He leaned down, his face too close to mine. “Perhaps our work relationship won’t be the only thing that is struck back up.” 

My breath caught in my throat at the feeling of his breath against my face. It felt wrong. All of it felt wrong. I didn’t like that we were alone in the office. My eyes flickered to the door and I could have sworn I saw a flash of red. Looking back at Frank, I decided to do whatever I could to get him to leave. “Fine. One dinner and one dinner only.” 

His grin spread across his face almost maniacally. “Fantastic. How about Friday?” I shrugged in reply. “You know my favorite place. Let’s meet there.” I expected him to turn on his heel and leave, but of course, Frank had to make me more uncomfortable. He leaned down and slowly placed a kiss on my cheek. “Until Friday, Darling.” 

I sat impossibly still until he was away from me. On his way out the door, he was met by two people coming in. 

“What the fuck are you doing here again?” John demanded. Jamie stared Frank down as well.  _ So I had seen him outside the door _ . 

“Just attending to some business,” Frank replied cooly. “I’m sure it’s nothing for you to be worried about Johnny.” He looked at Jamie. “Mr. Fraser, we meet again.” 

John caught my concerned glance. “He came to the interview with me,” John lied for the sake of our secret. 

“How did it go?” I asked. Frank was still paused in the door. 

“Wonderfully. They were so kind to us.” John looked over at Jamie. “Weren’t they, Jamie?” He nodded in reply, still staring down Frank. 

“That’s great,” I said. 

“Look, Claire and I have some work to get to, so maybe you should leave now, Frank,” John all but commanded. 

He watched John for a moment before turning back to me. “I’ll be seeing you soon, Claire.” 

I had no reply before he walked out the door. Slumping in my chair, I breathed out a sigh at his absence. John walked closer to my desk but Jamie stood by the door. “What was he doing here?” 

I shrugged. “Same thing as usual.” 

“He really can’t take no for an answer, can he?” John scoffed as he walked back to his desk. 

There was a silence that hung in the room. I was still disturbed by Frank’s appearance. John was fuming over by his desk. Jamie was lingering by the door and had yet to speak. 

Finally, he cleared his throat and pointed over his shoulder. “Claire, have ye seen the graffiti on the wall outside?” I frowned, but shook my head. “Ye should come take a look.” 

John gave him an odd look, but both of us could read the moment for what it was. Jamie wanted to talk to me privately. I wondered how long he’d been outside the office, waiting to come in, waiting for Frank to leave. I couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking. 

We walked out into the relatively secluded alley. I started to ask Jamie what was going on, but I was interrupted by his lips crashing against mine. I stumbled a bit, grabbing onto him as my back landed against the alley wall. I didn’t know what exactly was spurring him on, but I didn’t really mind. I returned the kiss just as eagerly. His hands were at my hips, pushing my shirt up to slide beneath it. He pressed me further back against the wall. It wasn’t until he pulled my leg up to rest at his hip that I finally had the sense to pull back. 

“Jamie, stop,” I panted. “What is this?” 

His eyes met mine for a second before he closed them, his forehead resting against mine. “I’m sorry, Claire.” 

I laid my hand against his cheek and made him look at me. “You don’t have to be sorry. I’m not saying I minded. I’m just confused.” 

Slowly, he brought his head up to meet my eyes. “I just …” he cut himself off with a shake of his head. “I guess I got caught up in my emotions. I’m sorry.” 

“Jamie,” I said, urging him to tell me the truth. He was still silent. I could tell he was somewhat embarrassed. My arms wrapped around his waist. “How long ago did you get to the office?” 

This time when he looked at me, he actually held my gaze. “A bit before I actually walked in. At first I thought ye were just in a meeting, but then…” 

I sighed, remembering how close Frank had gotten to me. I could only imagine what it looked like from the outside. “Jamie, I promise you that was nothing. I didn’t want him there.” 

He nodded, looking back down again. “I ken. I just, well I suppose I got a bit jealous.” Jamie blew out a breath. “I’m sorry. I ken it was stupid of me.” 

Standing up on my toes, I pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “It’s not stupid, Jamie. It’s hard keeping everything a secret.” 

“It is. And even if it’s just a work meeting, I just got nervous hearing ye agree to go to dinner wi’ the man,” he admitted. 

My hand found his cheek again. “I was never going to go. I agreed to dinner to get him to leave, but I promise you, I never would have gone.” 

“Claire, if it’s for yer work, go. I’m no’ going to stop ye from working.” 

“I’m not working with him again. I was never going to go to that dinner. I just wanted him to go.” 

He nodded, leaning his forehead back against mine. “I’m still sorry.” 

I hugged him in reply. “It’s really okay. If you were wanting wall sex, that’s fine, the brick’s just a bit rough against my back. The walls at home would be better.” 

Jamie pulled back, looking at me with wide eyes and an amused grin. “Well, good to know.” He leaned back down and kissed me softly, stroking his hands through my hair. “I should go,” he finally said, pulling back from me. His demeanor had fallen again. I held onto his hand until he walked away. Taking a breath, I waited a moment before going back inside. 

John was sitting at his desk, reading something on his computer. He glanced over at me as I walked back in. “Please tell me you’re not actually going to humor Frank Randall.” 

“Of course not. I said whatever he wanted to hear so he would leave.” I sat at my desk, unable to do anything. Frankly, I was a bit worried about Jamie. He hadn’t been acting quite like himself, jealousy or not. Making up my mind, I stood up and grabbed my bag. “I’ll be back tomorrow.” 

John shot me an odd look. “You’re leaving?” 

I nodded as I paused by the door. “Jamie seemed off. I don’t know. I don’t want to leave it until tonight.” 

“You’re so lucky I know your secret now,” John teased. I opened my mouth to retort but he waved me off. “Go take care of Jamie. We got most everything done this morning.” 

“Thanks, John!” 

Jamie looked surprised to see me when I walked into the apartment. His brow furrowed in confusion as I sat my stuff down and plopped down in the chair next to him. “What are you doing here?” 

I stroked his cheek with my thumb. “I just thought I should be here instead of work.” He started to give me a look but I kissed him instead. “I hope you know, you have no reason to be jealous.” He looked away from me. “Jamie, I get it. You think I wasn’t at least a bit jealous of Laoghaire when we weren’t together?” 

That got his attention. “Ye had no need to be. I’ve never cared for her.” 

“No, I know. I’m saying, it’s easy to feel jealous. But I want you to know that there is no one else I’d rather be with or live with than you,” I promised him. “Especially not that fucking Frank Randall.” 

He nodded, grabbing my hand and holding it between his. “Logically, I knew I shouldna be jealous. I wasna even really sure what I was looking at. I just felt…” He cut off. “I just felt like I wanted to punch him and hold ye out of his reach.” 

I laughed, trying to picture that. “Honestly, I wouldn’t have minded.” 

“Ye and John really hate that man,” Jamie remarked. 

I took a deep breath, looking from him. He was owed an explanation, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to revisit that part of my life. “Well, John’s hatred of him is strictly professional.” 

Jamie tensed beside me slightly. “And yers?” 

“Well, it’s a bit of that,” I said, sighing afterward. “But it’s a bit of something else as well.” Finally, I looked back at him. Jamie’s face was blank, but I knew he was expecting me to say more. “Frank was the first producer to give me a chance at directing. He knew Lamb and I think knew what I could be capable of, somehow. Anyway, he helped me start my career.” 

“So, what? Now he thinks he’s responsible for every achievement of yers?” 

“I think that’s a part of it,” I replied. “But after that show ended, we worked together for a while. Maybe four or five shows. During the third show, things...changed between us.” 

Jamie squeezed my hand. He was encouraging me to continue. It seemed like a promise that he wouldn’t go anywhere, even if the story was hard to tell. I curled my knees to my chest, wrapping the hand Jamie wasn’t holding around my legs. He scooched his chair closer to me and brought his arms around my shoulders. 

“We started dating. Kind of. I don’t even know what you’d really call it. We certainly didn’t define it. I was young and desperate to have a career and somehow he was helping me. I was sort of in awe of him.” I leaned my head against Jamie’s shoulder as I got to the harder part of my story. “It took me a while to see that he was not exactly the person I thought he was.” 

“Did he hurt ye?” Jamie asked, concern coloring his voice. 

“No. Well, not physically. He was a bloody bastard, but he never laid a hand on me,” I assured him. “It was different than that. I saw the way he treated the actors. That was the first indication. He was nothing like John. John is kind and helps move things along in a manner that is conducive to a good production. Frank...he used intimidation. He’d threaten their jobs or just try to scare them.” 

“And did he eventually do that to ye?” 

“It took me a while to really see what he was like. To me, he was nice and he seemed to care. At least for a bit. But I was his partner. When I really noticed the way he treated his subordinates, it was very eye opening. I once called him out on it and he brushed me off. But I don’t think he liked that I’d finally noticed it. So, then he was overly nice to everyone, even if it was just a ploy. After our fifth show, I told him I was going to be looking to work with other producers to try and vary my resume, essentially. That was the lie I told him. I was trying to distance myself from him professionally to see if I could tolerate still being with him romantically.” 

“How did he take it?” 

“Not well,” I said with a laugh. “He threw the biggest fit, screaming about how I wouldn’t have a career without him and that if I left him, I’d just fall flat. He told me I’d be crawling back to him and that my name would never mean anything in the world of the theatre.” 

“Jesus.” 

I nodded, taking a deep breath. “Yeah. So, after that, I just left him completely. But he still didn’t want to take no for an answer. He’d show up at my apartment. I’d given him a key so I had to have the locks changed. And then he’d call me incessantly. I eventually changed numbers. I even moved in with Lamb for a bit until I could find a better place.” 

“My God,” Jamie breathed. “Claire, that’s awful.” 

“Yeah, it was. He wouldn’t give up. Oddly enough, the thing that made him finally stop coming after me was when I got attached to a new show with new producers.” My eyes flicked over my shoulder to the bookshelf. “And that was when I won my Tony.” 

Jamie grinned at me in awe before leaning forward to kiss my temple. “What a way to stick it to him.” 

“Pretty much,” I agreed. I curled into Jamie a bit more. “Although, there was a bit of a drought for a few years after that.” Jamie looked confused. “He had his term on the Nominating Committee and I can’t be certain of it, but I think he made sure my name was omitted.” 

“What? That bastard.” 

“Yeah. Like I said, there’s no real way to know for sure, but my shows would be nominated for plenty of awards, but never me,” I confessed. “Thankfully, they can only have three year terms, so he was booted off just recently.” 

“Is this the first Tony ye’ve been nominated for since he blocked ye?” Jamie asked. 

“Yes, actually it is. The first one that I’ve been nominated for as a director,” I told him. “I mean, it didn’t hurt my career. Obviously, I’ve still had a good career, even without the nominations. My shows were awarded, even if I, myself was not.” I looked over at him. “I mean, you still knew my name enough to want to work with me. So, clearly, I wasn’t too hurt by it. But it stung. And it pissed me off.” 

“As it should,” Jamie agreed. 

“And somewhere along the way, I met John. He had had his own bad interactions with Frank and we sort of bonded over it. After our first show together, we realized we worked quite well as a team and that was when we made the contract. It kept him from somehow demanding to work with me again.” I was silent for a moment, thinking through the rest of the story. “But any time I have any sort of success, he pops back into my life. Tries to remind me that he was there at the beginning. That’s why he’s shown up now.” 

“Do ye think he was there today to try and get ye to work with him again?” 

I nodded. “I think so. He hates John. And clearly John hates him. But we’re successful and Frank really hasn’t been recently. I think since my star is now higher than his, he wants me to reciprocate. But, there’s no way in hell I’d work with him again. I’m not letting him back into my life.” 

Jamie pulled me to lean against him. “I think that’s a wise idea, Sassenach. I’m sorry that ye’ve had to go through that all. Certainly doesn’t make my feelings of wanting to punch him go away.” 

I laughed, wrapping my arm around him. “Don’t do it. You’re getting the best revenge anyway.” 

“Because I’m wi’ you?” 

I grinned up at him. “Exactly. You have what he’ll never have again.” Jamie matched my grin as he leaned down and kissed me. He pulled back suddenly with a strange look on his face. “You’d think with this in your past, your uncle would be more upset about you dating a fellow director or a producer rather than an actor.” 

I laughed, leaning my head against his chest. “Are you still upset about that?” He shook his head with a grin. “He wouldn’t say it — especially not now — but I would bet he wants me to date outside of the theater world.” 

“I don’t see the allure of that, personally,” he remarked, placing a kiss against my neck. 

“Well, I don’t see that being something either of us have to worry about,” I replied airily. There had been plenty of other times where one of us had alluded to something like that, even if we’d never really had the “marriage” talk. 

Jamie’s eyes lingered on me for a long moment before he kissed me again. “Aye, I think ye’re right.” He leaned his forehead against mine. “I am sorry about earlier, Claire.” 

I cupped his face in my hands. “I promise you that you don’t need to be. Please don’t beat yourself up about it. I love you. And if all you’d wanted was a secret rendezvous, I’d have been all about it without question if it had been somewhere more private.” 

Jamie laughed, tilting his head back. “That’s good to know. I’ll have to keep that in mind.” 

The weeks leading up to the Tony Awards were always a busy time for the Broadway community. John and I had put our work on hold to take care of anything related to the awards. Jamie was eating in our office one day when John had an announcement. 

“Did you see the email about the luncheon?” he asked. 

“What luncheon?” Jamie asked around a bite of his sandwich. 

I looked at him in surprise. “The luncheon celebrating all the nominees.” He shrugged like he’d never heard of it. 

“Jamie, it would be to your credit to be a more informed member of the theatre community,” John sighed. 

“This is all my first time,” Jamie reminded us. “If I’d gotten some show before this and had watched others go through it, perhaps I would know more, but I was extremely fortunate to be nominated for my first show.” 

“It’s just us, Jamie,” John replied. “You don’t have to go for fake humility.” 

Jamie laughed as he shook his head. “I wish I didn’t feel like a bloody imposter.” 

I rubbed my hand along his shoulders. “You’ve earned it all.” He gave me a look before returning to his sandwich. “Anyway, the luncheon is on Friday and you’ll be done in time to get to the theater. Obviously, because most of the nominees have to get there. But there’s music and food, and lots of congratulations. Basically, it’s a way to shower everyone with praise before 80% of the people aren’t deemed winners.” 

John laughed, but Jamie didn’t seem quite as amused. “And everyone has to go?” 

“You’re bloody going,” I commanded him. “It’s to honor all the nominees. You’re expected to be there. I’m not sure anyone’s ever missed it before, actually.” 

“Not any year I’ve attended,” John chimed in. 

“See? So, you’re going!” 

“Why would you want to miss it?” John asked him.

Jamie shrugged a bit, paying special attention to the food container in his lap. “I dinna ken, I guess because I dinna quite feel like it’s real. Like I’ve actually earned my spot amongst these people. I…” he looked up at me, a vulnerable look on his face. “I still canna believe that the three of ye even wanted me. I spent production waiting for the other shoe to drop. And then it didn’t. And since the show’s started, I’ve been waiting for someone to politely tell me I need to step down. And I certainly didn’t expect a bloody Tony Award nomination on the first show I’ve ever booked on Broadway. So, it’s just been a series of unbelievable things that have happened to me and it’s led me to feel...well, less worthy.” 

I was ready to jump in and reassure Jamie that he was worthy of everything he’d gotten, but John beat me to it. It was probably better that way. John might be more convincing than Jamie’s girlfriend. 

He laid his hand on Jamie’s shoulder. “I know it’s incredible, and you’re right, it is  _ truly _ incredible. But I can assure you, Jamie, you’re not some imposter. You should hear the way reviewers or our colleagues talk about you. Everyone’s been blown away by you. Hell, you should have heard how we talked about you after your audition. I mean, Marilyn objectified you a bit, but don’t worry, Claire shut that down fast.” He chuckled to himself. “And now, I guess I get why.” 

I glared at him before I turned back to Jamie. “He’s right though. I promise you that neither me, nor John, nor anyone in your immediate family paid off the Nominations Committee to give you the nomination. You earned it, Jamie. And you deserve to be there.” 

“Thank ye,” he said, looking at both of us. “I appreciate it.” 

I couldn’t tell for sure if he really bought everything we were telling him, but he seemed at least mildly appeased. Returning to my lunch, I thought back on other nominees luncheons and how enjoyable they’d been. There was no doubt in my mind that it would be more fun with Jamie there. 

It wasn’t until the day of the luncheon that I realized how horribly wrong I’d been. In years past, it had been a time to catch up with colleagues I don’t often get to see and celebrate other people’s successes. And theoretically, that was still the case. But this time, I was in the same room as the love of my life and was unable to do more than act as his director. 

John could clearly tell that I was frustrated — or at the very least, acting differently than I had in other years. He kept bringing me drink after drink, which didn’t necessarily help matters. I wasn’t mingling as much as I should have been. Instead, I was stuck at my table, watching Jamie mingle and meet more Broadway stars. I’d seen too many women fawn over him. All I wanted to do was stomp over and put my arm around him, claiming him as mine. I couldn’t do that, though. We were still a secret. 

It had been months of keeping our relationship a secret and sometimes, I understood why we did it. Sometimes, it wasn’t even that much of a challenge. Sometimes, it was even a bit sexy keeping things a secret. But then other times — like the luncheon — it felt impossible. If I saw one more hand lay on his arm, I was going to lose it. I really needed to tell John to cut me off, but there was no way in hell I’d have the strength for that. 

As John brought me yet another drink, he also gave me some advice. “Maybe if you got up and went to talk to other people, you’d be less annoyed by the people talking to Jamie.” 

I took a deep breath before picking up my newest drink. “You’re right. I just…” 

“You’re not used to having to share him with the world,” John finished for me. “If you ever went out and were in the same place as him, it was the theater, where the whole cast already knew both of you or our office where I knew the secret. You haven’t been subjected to people reacting to him like this because the other people in the cast are used to him.” 

“His charm is almost dangerous,” I whispered. 

John laughed. “You’re not wrong.” He nudged my shoulder. “That’s the last drink I’m getting you until you get up and go talk to some people. Even if it’s just Louise or Joe.” 

I nodded, standing up from the table, grabbing my drink. “Thanks, John.” 

Making my way around the room, I tried to ignore my irrational feelings. No matter what woman threw herself at Jamie today, he’d come home to me. I knew that. But somehow, it couldn’t get past the deep recesses of my brain and overpower all the ugliness that was springing to the forefront. I gave Jamie a wide berth and found my way over to a fellow director I’d yet to congratulate in person. 

John had been right. Talking to people had helped. Until I turned around to see some beautiful actress clutching his arm, doubled over laughing at something he must have said. He laughed along with her, looking overly pleased with himself. I went to take a long pull of my drink only to find it empty...again. I’d been drinking far too much for the afternoon. 

It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Jamie. I did. I always have. But, not being able to go to him as I normally would and be myself around him was draining me. It was helping me make irrational decisions. I glanced down at the bottom of my drink — I’d lost count of what number it was — and I made up my mind. I more or less slammed the glass down on the bar and marched over to Jamie. He was still talking to that actress — she was in some nominated musical, I thought — and I put on my director voice. 

“Hey, Fraser, can I talk to you for a moment?” I asked. To my drunken ears, it sounded completely professional. I could only hope it sounded that way to others. Or that they were as drunk as I was. 

His face was completely blank as he looked at me. “Sure,” he said with a nod. He glanced over to the actress next to him. “Excuse me.” I started to walk away, knowing he’d follow me.

“Oh sure, I get it. When the director calls, you’ve gotta listen,” she laughed. 

“That’s just it,” he answered before falling instep behind me. 

My steps faltered for a moment, fearing that he’d actually meant it. I didn’t have much of a plan in place — just that I wanted to get Jamie alone. I walked off toward the room that normally would function as a coat check. Thankfully, it was the end of May and no one seemed to have checked a coat. I looked both ways before opening the door and gesturing for Jamie to enter. He gave me an odd look but didn’t question it. 

“What’s —” 

I cut him off before he could finish his question, throwing myself against him and fitting my lips to his. He wrapped his arms around me as he stumbled backwards, his back hitting the wall. My hands were everywhere on him — in his hair, down his back, clinging to his neck. He held me steady against him. His response was not quite as eager as mine, but he hadn’t stopped me yet. 

My mind was in a mighty struggle. My instincts were telling me to mark him, show the world that he was mine. The part of my brain that wasn’t drowned in alcohol was telling me that I was getting too caught up and needed to stop. In the end, it was Jamie who made the decision for me. 

I moved my mouth to his neck, my fingers at the buttons on his shirt. His hands grabbed mine gently, but decisively. “Claire, we canna.” 

“Why not?” I whined against his throat. 

I felt and heard him laugh. “Christ, how much have ye had to drink?” 

Pulling back, I looked at him. Suddenly, I was filled with horror at what I’d done. We were the furthest thing from being subtle. I’d spent the entire afternoon not connecting with colleagues, but staring in jealousy at my secret boyfriend. I was acting like a lovestruck teenager, not a mature adult. More than that, any sense of secrecy we’d held onto for months had likely been blown as I dragged Jamie off to the fucking cloak room to feel him up. I felt my face grow hot — the heat of shame, no doubt. 

I couldn’t reply. Instead, I dropped my hands from him and backed away. Without meeting his eyes, I threw the door open and ran from the coat check. I ran into the ballroom to grab my purse and was off before anyone could stop me. If I hadn’t needed my keys, I wouldn’t have even gone back there. 

I had never felt so embarrassed in my life. I’d spent a decade building a career for myself. If I’d have been found in the coat room with the lead of my latest show at the nominees’ luncheon, I’d have been the laughingstock of the community.  _ Especially _ as a woman. The entire reason Jamie and I had kept our relationship a secret for so long was to protect our careers. Admittedly, we were trying to protect his more than mine, but mine was being allowed the same protection. And yet, I’d risked it all and for what? To feel like Jamie knew he was mine? 

I was acting like a fool. 

For once I was glad that Jamie wouldn’t have the time to come home before he had to be at the theater. I was too embarrassed to see him right now. He’d, no doubt, tell me that it was fine, but I knew it wasn’t. I didn’t need to be coddled at the moment. I had risked everything we’d worked and suffered for. It had been hard keeping it all a secret, but we’d done so to keep our reputations in tact. I could only hope no one had seen us. 

Thankfully, once I got home, the alcohol kicked in and I passed out on the couch. I woke up in the dark. Glancing at the clock in the kitchen, it was nearly 10:00. I’d slept the rest of the afternoon and into the night. I didn’t know how that was possible. 

The longer I was awake, the more shame returned to me. I laid my hand over my face, starting to beat myself up again. When I turned on the lamp, I saw that my clutch laid on the table across from the couch. Wondering if I’d missed anything, I grabbed my phone out of it. 

I had a couple of texts from John. But then there were the other tons of notifications, all from Jamie. Seven missed calls and ten texts. I hadn’t even looked at my phone as I came home, and certainly not after I got back. The first thing I did was throw myself down on the couch and then sleep found me. Looking down at my phone, I almost felt a bit guilty that I hadn’t looked at it. 

**Where are you?**

**Claire, did you leave? **

**I just found John and he said he hasn’t seen you. Did you leave? **

**Claire, please answer the phone. **

**Are you mad? I didn’t mean to offend you earlier. **

**The luncheon is over and I’m not going to have time to come home before I have to be at the theater. Please at least call me and let me know you’re alright. **

**I’m thisclose to calling in Mark and coming to find you. **

**Sassenach, I hope you’re okay. You’re worrying me. **

**Claire! **

**I love you. **

It was the last one that brought on the tears. I curled into a ball, clutching my phone to me as I started to cry harder. Today had been one of the worst, if not  _ the _ worst, in terms of how hard it had been to keep our relationship a secret. I felt like I was at a breaking point. I didn’t want this pressure on me anymore.

I didn’t know how long I’d been sitting there releasing all the feelings built up within me over months of keeping the most important thing in my life a secret. The tears didn’t stop, even when the door opened and Jamie walked in, bearing a very concerned expression. He was at my side immediately, wrapping me tightly in his arms. 

“Shhh,” he cooed, brushing my hair back. 

I clung to him, letting him pull me onto his lap to hold me tighter. “I’m sorry,” I sobbed. 

He pulled back, looking confused. “What on earth are ye sorry for?” 

I breathed out a laugh as I continued to cry. “Well, a lot of things, really.” He laid his forehead against mine, giving me a look, urging me to go on. “For how I acted earlier. For not checking my phone before I passed out for hours on end. For being a total basket case.” 

Jamie chuckled, shaking his head at me. “I was a bit worried when ye just left, but I wouldna say ye need to be sorry for any of those things.” 

“I acted like a total fool,” I cried, looking away from him. He took my chin and gently moved me to look at him again. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” I laughed, sniffling a bit. “Well, I do. I’d had easily six or seven drinks and I was jealous as hell.” 

“I hope you know you didn’t need to be,” Jamie whispered, brushing hair out of my face.

“Clearly common sense was not the strongest today.” I nestled into the crook of his neck. “Keeping our relationship a secret has never felt harder than it did today.”

Jamie nodded. “Aye, I ken what ye mean.”

“It was hard for you too?” I asked, looking back up at him. 

“Of course it was. It’s hard anytime I’m in the same room as you and canna touch ye. Even just to put my arm around ye.” 

“Well, I should have kept better composure,” I said. “I should have just done what you did and talked to people and stayed the hell away from you, but I couldn’t. And in doing so, I could have wrecked everything. I mean, what would have been the point of keeping it a secret all this time if we’d have been discovered in the fucking coat closet by the biggest names in theater this year?” 

“Please, do ye no’ recall that I basically did the exact same thing just a few weeks back?” Jamie asked, ducking to meet my eyes. “Claire, I was insanely jealous and didna feel in control of myself seeing ye wi’ a man I knew you hated. Believe me, I understand. When it’s just you and me and our routine, it feels like keeping the secret is the easiest thing in the world. But then we’re around other people and I feel the need to tell every single one of them that ye’re my lass and no one else’s.” 

I let out a watery laugh. “Exactly.” Jamie wiped the tears from my face, kissing my forehead. “So, you aren’t mad at me? Or ashamed of me?” 

He laughed, shaking his head again. “Of course no’, Claire. I love ye. And I feel yer pain.” 

We sat there in a long moment of silence, just holding each other. I wrapped my arms tighter around him, my tears finally stopping. “Jamie, I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” I admitted. 

I felt him shift beneath me. He planted a kiss in my hair. “I know. Me too.” 

Pulling back, I cupped his face, looking him in the eye. “So, why don’t we say we’ll just stop keeping it a secret. Maybe after the Tonys. We don’t have to make some big announcement, but we don’t keep it all a secret anymore. What do you say?” 

A smile crept across his face and finally he nodded. “Aye, I think that sounds like a good plan. That’s only a couple more weeks.” 

“I think we can do that, don’t you?” I asked. 

Jamie leaned down and kissed me softly. “I dinna ken, but I’ll try.” I leaned up and kissed him again, my arms winding around his neck. Without another word, he stood up, me in his arms, and walked us off toward our room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters left, people! We're getting close to the endgame. Thanks for still being here and reading!


	17. The Winner Takes It All

Ten days remained until it was time for the Tony Awards. I knew Jamie was starting to get nervous, no matter how many times he insisted it didn’t matter. Honestly, I was nervous myself and I’d been plenty of times. Just like with every other part of the show, it was different this time because of Jamie. I was still more focused on his potential win than the fact that I might win. The only real reason I wanted to win was to stick it to Frank. He’d been most unhappy after I stood him up for dinner, but I’d dealt with it. After he’d (most likely) deprived me of a nomination for years, I wanted to win out of spite, more than anything else. Perhaps that was immature, but I didn’t really care. 

I walked into the kitchen and found Jamie looking deep in thought. Leaning over his shoulder, I placed a kiss on his cheek. “What’s on your mind?” 

He watched me as I moved about the kitchen. “My parents informed me that they’re flying in for the Tony Awards. And since I canna go wi’ ye, I did think I’d take one of them. But I canna make up my mind on which one to take. Either way, I feel like I’m betraying the other.” 

I laughed, taking a sip of my coffee. “I can understand that. I took Lamb to my first Tony Awards.” He smiled at me before shaking his head with a sigh. I leaned against the island as a thought came to me. “How about this?” Jamie glanced up at me, ready to hear my idea. “Why don’t you take your mother and I can take your father?” 

“What?” 

“Well everyone’s allowed a date. Not everyone takes one. Like you said, ideally, I’d go with you. Going with your dad would be the closest I can get,” I said with a laugh. 

Jamie chuckled, but looked unsure. “Are ye sure? Would ye no’ rather take Lamb?” 

I shook my head, taking another sip of coffee. “Nope. He’s been to the Tony Awards plenty of times. Then you don’t have to feel guilty about leaving one of your parents out. You take your mom. I’ll take your dad. Then, they can both be there for you on your big night. We all sit near each other, so it’ll work out.” 

He stood up and wound around the island, moving closer toward me. “You’d really do that for me?” 

I wrapped one arm around his waist. “Of course I would. Besides, your dad is a fun guy. I’m sure I’ll have a good time with my date.” 

Laughing and shaking his head at me, Jamie bent down to kiss my forehead. “You are too good to me, ye ken that?” 

I shot him a doubting look. “I’m just as good to you as you are to me,” I assured him. 

“What if someone asks why ye brought  _ my _ dad to the show wi’ ye?” 

I leaned my head against his chest as I thought about it. “I guess I’ll tell them that my formerly no-name, first time on Broadway and first time nominee told me he couldn’t decide which of his parents to bring to the show, and me, being a kind director who got along well with my star, volunteered to bring his dad so he didn’t have to choose.” I shrugged. “Just take out the part where you told me in our kitchen and how I’d met your parents because we spent Christmas together since we’re dating, and it all works very easily.” 

Jamie laughed and tucked me in closer. “If you’re sure. I’ll let them know what the plan is. I’m sure they’ll be verra touched.” 

“I hope so. I’m glad to get to see them again. I wish Jenny and Ian could make it.” 

“I thought about asking Ian and no’ having to choose between my parents but wi’ Jenny pregnant, I figured she’d murder me if I took her husband from her when she can’t fly that far,” Jamie told me. 

“I wouldn’t blame her, honestly.” 

The morning of the Tony Awards was stressful, to be sure. I was bustling around, trying to get everything taken care of before the people I’d hired to do my hair and make up arrived. Jamie was running around trying to get everything he needed gathered before he had to leave for the theater. They still had the matinee before the awards show. His parents were staying at a hotel, thankfully, and hadn’t gotten swept up in the craziness of the morning. 

“Okay, so you’re heading straight from the theater?” I called to him, cleaning up the kitchen. 

“Aye. Picking up Mam at the hotel on the way, I believe.” He zipped up his garment bag and walked out to me. Curling an arm around my waist, he bent down to kiss me. “And then I’ll see ye at the awards.” 

I sighed, leaning my head against his chest. “It’ll be hard again,” I reminded him. 

His other arm came around me, holding me close. I matched his position and wrapped my arms around him. “I ken it will be. But after this, we’re free, aye? That was what we agreed upon?” 

Glancing up at him, I nodded. He leaned down to kiss me and I met him in the middle. We stood there for a moment, locked in a slow, deep kiss. Breaking apart, I rested my head against his forehead. “One more day.” 

With a grin on his face, Jamie broke out singing “One Day More” from  _ Les Miserables _ . I put my hand over his mouth, shaking my head at him, trying so hard not to laugh. “Please, no.” 

He laughed too, leaning his head back against mine. I felt him squeeze his hands at my waist. “Alright. But only because I need to be going.” Giving me one last kiss, he whispered to me, “We can do it.” 

I hugged him tightly. “I know.” Pulling back, I cupped his face in my hands. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

I took a deep breath, raising my eyebrows. “Big day.” 

Jamie nodded, agreeing with me. “Big day.” He kissed my forehead and stepped back from me. “I’ll see ye there, Sassenach.” 

“Break a leg!” I said as he gathered up his things. 

A half hour after he left, my prep team showed up, ready to make me look more glamorous than I ever allowed myself to look on a daily basis. I chatted with them as my hair was curled and pinned into a lovely updo. I pointedly didn’t talk much as they applied my makeup. At some point while my makeup was being done, Mr. Fraser showed up. He sat on the couch while they completed my look in the kitchen. Once they were gone, all that was left was putting on my dress. 

I’d chosen a dress that really stood out to me. It wasn’t the biggest or fanciest dress, but it fit what I was looking for. It was a long, bright red dress covered in intricate beading. The straps looped behind my neck as the neckline dipped slightly. Putting it on, I studied myself in the mirror. With my hair and makeup professionally done and then with the dress on, I didn’t think I looked much like myself. I wondered if my actors thought this everyday before they went on stage. 

Shrugging to myself, I decided I would do. I grabbed my clutch off the bed and walked out into the living room where Brian was waiting for me. A look of awe covered his face as he took me in. “Oh, Claire, ye look just gorgeous.” 

I blushed, looking down at my feet. “Well, thank you. I appreciate it.” 

“Jamie’s going to have to be using all his best acting skills to pretend he’s unaffected by how beautiful ye look,” he added. 

Laughing, I walked toward the door. “Well, I guess we’ll see if he deserves that Tony after all.” 

The red carpet was already fairly packed when our car pulled up. My door was opened for me and Brian ran around, sticking his arm out for me. “Ready?” he asked. I grinned and looped my arm through his. I’d been texting Jamie on the way to see if he had beaten us there. Apparently Ellen had taken a long time to get ready and they were running a bit behind. He’d still make the red carpet though. I told him he had to. 

I walked along — Brian right behind me — and stopped for pictures when asked. I was pulled aside for interviews and comments when people recognized who I was. The directors weren’t usually the ones that people clamored for interviews with, but there were at least a few that stopped me. I didn’t want to go inside without Jamie so I stalled as I made my way down the carpet. 

Thankfully, I ran into plenty of people I knew. That was how it was at award shows. I’d managed to see all of my fellow directorial nominees. John flagged me down at a certain point and we took some time to complement each other’s appearances. We looked far nicer than we did when we were deep into scripts at the office. 

“John, this is Jamie’s dad, Brian,” I introduced. “Brian, this is one of our producers, John.” 

The two men shook hands with a shared smile. “Pleasure to meet ye,” Brian said. 

“And you.” John then turned to me. “Your date is Jamie’s dad?” 

I shrugged. “It’s not like I could bring his son as my date,” I commented. Brian shot me a concerned look. “John knows the truth. He’s about the only one.” I felt my clutch vibrate in my hand. Ripping it open, I grabbed my phone and was relieved to see a text from Jamie. “He just pulled up. He’ll be walking the red carpet now,” I told Brian. He nodded in reply. 

We stayed mostly where we were, waiting for Jamie to get to us. I should have known it would take him far longer to get to us than it took for us to get down the carpet. He was the new name, the first time nominee for his first show. Every journalist covering the Tony Awards was going to want to talk to him. As we waited, I talked with a few more friends. Louise went by and we admired each other’s dresses, confided in which alcohol was currently getting us through the gauntlet that was the red carpet. Eventually, she also wandered on and, finally, I saw Jamie’s red hair before I saw the rest of him. 

I let Brian flag them down and Jamie grinned brightly at the sight of us. He grabbed his mother’s hand and made a beeline to where we were standing. It was then that I realized that Jamie had seen my dress, but I hadn’t had a clue what Jamie was wearing. I took in the crisp, white shirt with the black bowtie, the black tux jacket, and his green plaid kilt. I stared at him, a bit in awe. I’d never seen him in a kilt before. It was quite the sight. He grinned as he walked over to me and his father. I felt myself blush a little, even after all these months, as his eyes roved over me. 

He stepped right up to me, wrapping me in a seemingly platonic hug. “This was a stupid idea,” he whispered in my ear. 

My brow furrowed as I looked at him when we pulled back. “Why?” 

“It was a stupid idea to get ready separately. I feel I canna stop staring at ye. Looking at how beautiful ye are.” 

I glanced down, trying to hide my smile. Not from him, but from other prying eyes. “You might be right. I haven’t ever seen you in a kilt before. You didn’t mention you’d be wearing that.” 

Jamie shrugged, looking around at all the photographers. We were keeping a careful distance from each other. “Well, I figured Peter and I are both Scottish. Might as well lean into it.” 

“It was a good idea,” I offered. “You look very dashing.” 

It was Jamie’s turn to blush a bit. He smiled at me, clearly wanting to wrap an arm around me. I felt the same way. “Well, thank ye, Miss Beauchamp,” he said pointedly. 

I cleared my throat, turning to Ellen. “You look so wonderful,” I told her. 

“Not nearly as wonderful as ye look,” she replied. We were all showering each other in compliments. 

After standing there for long enough, we slowly made our way inside. I was glad that since I brought Jamie’s dad, I had a reason to stay close to Jamie. He spoke lowly from just behind me. “No’ being able to be myself around ye is a great distraction, ye ken?” 

I laughed softly, looking over my shoulder at him. “Oh?” 

“I havena thought about the awards  _ once _ , just that I want to be able to even just touch ye,” he whispered. 

“I know how you feel,” I confessed. 

As we got close to the door, Brian stuck out his arm for me to take. I grinned at him and looped my arm through his. We walked inside the theater and eventually toward our seats. They grouped us all close together, but the nominees were always on the ends. Jamie was on the end seat just behind me. He leaned forward as I settled myself in my seat. 

I felt his breath on my ear before he spoke. “I’ve never felt jealous of my father before,” he said, laughing slightly. “This is a verra odd night.” 

Turning around, I shot him a look. “Don’t worry, the show will start and it’ll all leave your mind,” I promised him. He gave me an unsure look, but sat back in his seat. 

Sure enough, the show started and it did prove a good distraction. During commercials, we chatted with Jamie’s castmates and it seemed easier. Musical numbers being performed up on stage were entertaining. When the awards started getting handed out, it turned our attention back to our nerves. And oddly enough, I was thankful for that. 

I saw presenters walk out, knowing the category that was coming next. Jamie leaned forward needlessly. “It’s yer category,” he reminded me. I only nodded in reply. Joe and Louise had both won. We’d picked up the Tony for Costume Design and Light Design as well. So far, we were doing pretty well. I’d noticed enough in my time watching the Tony Awards that usually, awards were given to mostly one show. But I didn’t want to count on it. Just like with nominations, I had been more focused on Jamie’s award than mine. After seeing Frank, I really wanted to win again. Two voices were at war in my head: the one saying it was an honor just to be nominated and the one saying I deserved this. A strong knot was forming in my stomach as they started reading out the name of the nominees. 

_ I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care _ echoed through my head on command as they (slowly) opened the envelope. 

“And the Tony goes to…” 

Brian reached over and grabbed my hand in anticipation. Did all their pauses seem this long? I was losing the concept of time. The silence stretched on for eternity. 

“Claire Beauchamp!” 

I audibly gasped, sitting there for a moment, completely stunned. Brian’s hand was squeezing mine tightly. I felt hands grabbing my shoulders and realized they must be Jamie’s. I glanced back at him in shock and he looked elated. Leaning forward, he whispered in my ear, though I could barely hear him. “Ye did it,  _ mo nighean donn _ .” I nodded slightly, still processing what he said. 

Standing up, I felt a bit shaky as I walked down the aisle and up on the stage. The whole time, I tried to remind myself that I’d done this all before. But somehow, this seemed more unreal. I’d been so focused on Jamie getting nominated and then winning, I’d barely thought about myself. 

It was all a blur. I walked up the stairs and onto the stage, I was handed an award, and I stood in front of the mic. Looking out into the audience, I saw a sea of my community, some I loved and some I respected, and also some I loathed. And yet, I was standing before them, expected to make a speech. I wasn’t quite sure what I was saying. I know I made sure to thank John. I thanked the cast. I mentioned the crew as well. I hoped I hit all the right notes because I was so shocked, I wasn’t processing much. 

As I walked off the stage with a final wave to the crowd, I saw Jamie stand up, clapping for me. I smiled to him, unsure if he could see it. The gauntlet of interviewers and other people I had to talk to before I could get back to my seat was ridiculous. All I wanted to do was go back to my people and share a small moment. 

By the time I returned to my steat, Tony Award in hand, it was almost Jamie’s category. I squeezed his shoulder as I walked back, giving him a small wink. He still looked so happy for me. His parents fawned over me some — as much as parents of one of my cast members really could. Our little group was celebrating another win for the show when it came back from commercial and it was up to Best Actor in a Play. 

I glanced back at Jamie but he shook his head. Despite everything, he was still so sure he wouldn’t win. Even when I’d been unsure about my own win, I knew he would. The presenters walked to the microphone and began to read the names of the nominees. I could hear Ellen whispering to Jamie, but I couldn’t tell what she said. Brian turned around in his seat and reached his hand for Jamie. It took everything in me not to do the same thing. 

Yet another eternity filled silence followed before they finally called out the winner. 

“Jamie Fraser!” 

Everyone from our show turned to Jamie, all of us over the moon for his win for his first show. He looked completely stunned. It apparently didn’t matter how many of us assured him he’d win, he really hadn’t believed us. I was clapping so hard for him, urging him to stand up and go get his award. Joe clapped him on the back as he finally stood. 

I stood as he walked out of his row. Without even thinking, I grabbed him and kissed him quickly. It took both of us a moment to realize what I’d done. Both our eyes went a bit wide. I shrugged and sent him off to the stage. He looked like he was in as much of a daze as I’d been just a while ago. 

Jamie stood up on the stage in front of the mic, holding the Tony Award in his hand, and tears started falling from my eyes. I couldn’t contain my pride. 

He shook his head as he started to talk. “Wow, I truly canna believe this.” His hand dug into the inside pocket of his jacket. “I didna think this would happen. My girlfriend insisted that I write a speech so I wouldna look like a fool if I did end up here.” His scottish accent was coming out so strongly as he was nervous. Brian looked over at Jamie’s mention of me. I flashed him a grin.

“This is the highest honor,” he started reading from the speech he’d thrown together at my insistence. “I scraped and fought to get even just an audition for this show, to be in the same room as people I’d admired for a long time. And somehow, I was able to not only get the audition, but the part. All of production, I was so sure I’d be recast. So to be standing here, it truly boggles the mind.” 

I could hear Ellen sniffle. Rifling through my clutch, I found a spare tissue and handed it back to her before I refocused on Jamie. 

“I have so many people I’d like to thank. I’d like to thank Claire, our wonderful director, and John and Marilyn for all taking a chance on a no name to lead yer show. I’d like to thank my fellow cast members, particularly Joe and Louise for answering all my questions and really guiding me through my first show on Broadway.” 

I was beaming the whole time he spoke, resting my hand over my heart when I heard my name. 

“I also want to thank my family for supporting my crazy dreams and never telling me to try something more practical.” He paused for just a second, masking it by clearing his throat. But his eyes somehow found me in the audience and stayed there. “And there’s one more person I have to thank. The person who has been my rock through this wild change in my life.” 

Another pause. A slight raise of the eyebrow as he looked at me. Keeping our relationship a secret had led to a strong ability for us to read each other’s expressions and know what the other was saying or asking. And in this moment, I knew what he was asking.  _ Permission _ . I nodded immediately. 

“The love of my life, Claire,” he said, with a nod at me. The tears continued to stream down my cheeks. I felt Brian’s hand grab my arm. “Thank you all for this honor. I canna say thank you enough.” Raising his award slightly higher, he nodded and walked off the stage. 

Jamie was barely off the stage when the questions started. Joe and Louise were at my side immediately. “I’m sorry, what did he say?” Joe asked. 

I shot a look at Brian before turning to my friends. “What’s your question?” 

“Have you and Jamie been dating?” Louise demanded. 

There was no point in lying about it anymore. I’d kissed him and he’d called me the love of his life. All our efforts to keep our relationship a secret were over. I took a deep breath, finally being able to talk about it. “Umm...yes.” 

“ _ What _ ?” Louise screeched. “When? How? But also, when?” 

“Yeah, you said that,” I reminded her. 

“Well you haven’t answered her yet,” Joe defended. 

I pointed to the stage where the next set of presenters were coming out. “You should go back to your seats. We don’t want our show to look bad.” They rolled their eyes at me. Joe went right back to his seat. 

Louise took a bit longer. “We’re not done discussing this.” 

“I’m sure not,” I replied, craning my head back to her. 

More awards were announced as we waited for Jamie to return to his seat. Brian stood from his seat and wound around to sit where Jamie had been sitting. “Well, now that the two of ye have rather made things public, I figure ye can sit together, no?” I shrugged. I didn’t see why we couldn’t do so. 

When Jamie returned, he paused for a second, seeing his dad in his chair. Both his parents pointed to the seat next to me. Same as me, he shrugged and walked to his seat. I was thankful for Brian’s short game of musical chairs. When Jamie sat down, I immediately grabbed his hand and laced my fingers with his. “Congratulations,” I whispered to him. He smiled, shaking his head in disbelief. “You bloody won.” 

“So did ye,” he reminded me. I rolled my eyes at him. “Ye’re no’ mad at me, are ye?” 

I stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out what he could possibly mean. “Why would I be?” 

“What I said?” he asked, looking a bit nervous. 

Bursting out laughing, I shook my head. “God, no. I mean, I was the one who kissed you in front of the cameras for crying out loud. No, I promise I’m not mad. After all, we said after the Tony Awards, right? I suppose  _ at _ the Tony Awards works just as well.” 

He grinned, leaning forward to kiss me quickly. Both of us seemed to feel relieved to be able to show at least a little affection again. It would be odd getting used to doing so in public, but I would be happy to get used to it. 

The last award that our show was up for was finally approaching. I wasn’t as nervous as I’d been for any other award. I supposed it had to do with so many other things going right that night. When our show was called as the winner, it just felt like the cherry on top. I saw the absolute joy in Jamie’s eyes and he jumped up, wrapping me in a big hug. 

I started the walk to the stage, most of the cast and John behind me. When I reached down to gather my skirt in my hands, I felt a familiar hand hold my elbow. Glancing back, I saw Jamie smiling brightly as he talked to Joe on our way up the stairs. He didn’t even seem to know what he was doing. It was just instinctual for him to help me. I took the Tony from the presenter and stood at the mic, gesturing for John to join me. Of the producers, he’d been the only one to come to the awards show. No one else was my producing partner. Just John. 

Together, John and I thanked all the people we needed to, including the cast behind us. I looked back at them and saw the glee on each one of their faces. As John spoke, I reflected on production — the times I’d been too hard on them, the times I felt like I wasn’t doing my best, the times that things felt like they were really flowing. I thought back on all of it and how somehow it had gotten us all up on the Tony stage, accepting individual and collective awards. I felt a bit vindicated in that moment. 

The music started to play and we were ushered off the stage, celebrating as a group for the first real moment. John held the Tony out for the group that had formed a circle around him. In a hushed voice, he said, “We did it!” We all cheered softly, noting not to be too loud. 

Without even meaning to, Jamie and I had congregated next to each other. His arm was automatically around my waist. I was so used to it, I didn’t even realize, until I saw Louise notice it. There was a delay for us to go to the press room and so Louise had her moment to interrogate us. 

She turned on us, waggling a finger between me and Jamie. “I speak on behalf of the entire cast,” she said. “How long has this been going on?” 

Jamie and I looked at each other, trying our best to suppress our smiles. “Um, Opening Night,” I confessed. 

Multiple jaws dropped open. “You’re kidding me!” Joe replied. “You have been together for nine months? Without telling any of us?” 

“Well that’s not completely true,” I admitted. “Jamie told John.” 

“ _ That’s _ not completely true,” Jamie argued. “John called me and heard Claire in the background and I just didn’t lie when he asked me.” 

Our friends laughed at us, shaking their heads. Joe threw his arm around Laoghaire’s shoulders, a wide smile on his face. “Well we’re all happy for you. Disappointed you didn’t feel like telling us, but happy for you guys. Aren’t we?” He looked over at Laoghaire. She plastered on a fake smile and nodded. Looking back at me, Joe winked. He knew what he was doing. 

“We are happy for you,” Louise agreed. “But why all the secrecy? Did you think we wouldn’t be happy for you?” 

“It wasn’t that,” I promised her. “No, we just didn’t want anyone to think anything indecent was going on.” Jamie nodded next to me. “Believe me, it would have been easier to just tell you. We were just trying to be cautious.” 

“Perhaps more cautious than we needed to be, but still. Once we’d kept the secret for such a long time, it was hard to think of a way to stop keeping it,” Jamie told them. 

“It was probably pretty sexy keeping it all a secret too, wasn’t it?” Louise asked, waggling her brows. I swear, I saw Laoghaire lose some color in her face. 

“Good Lord, Louise,” I replied. 

She winked at me, walking over and throwing her arm around my shoulder. Whispering just to me, she said, “I’ll take that as a yes.” 

Thankfully, we were ushered into talk to the press and the conversation around me and Jamie was tabled for the time being. 

After the show ended, we went to the after party. It was the first event Jamie and I had gone to as a couple and I was reveling in it. My hand was in his as we walked in, as we talked to others, as we danced. It was great to  _ finally  _ be able to claim him as my own to the public. My whole body felt relaxed. I could tell that he seemed to be pretty relaxed as well. 

When Jamie and I sat down at a table in the corner, Louise, John, and Joe followed us. The five of us sat talking and sure enough, the conversation turned back to me and Jamie. We answered the questions we wanted to and ignored the ones we didn’t. 

“So seriously, how did this happen,” Louise asked. “I’m just so surprised by it. Not that I don’t think you guys would work well together, just that you kept it a secret for so long. And that I didn’t see it coming.” 

I leaned forward, the others following my lead. “Okay, John already knows this and I trust you and Joe.” Louise nodded excitedly. “And besides, the entire theater community just deemed Jamie a good actor, so I don’t have to worry about this as much.” I looked to Jamie, making sure he was alright with me telling the real story of how we got together. He shrugged and nodded to me. “Okay, so one night I went out to a bar and met Jamie. We used fake names and spent the night together. Then, the next day he auditioned for the show.” 

Louise laughed so loudly I felt the need to lean away from her. “Shut up!” Jamie confirmed the story. “You cast your one night stand in your show?” 

“Well, it wasn’t just my choice,” I assured her. “If I’d been the only one who thought he was a good actor and John and Marilyn had insisted on someone else, I probably wouldn’t have fought it. But they wanted him too.” 

“And clearly he was good,” John reminded her. Jamie made an uncomfortable noise. “Man, you have the bloody Tony to prove it. You’re a good actor. Stop acting weird when we compliment you.” Joe laughed, clapping Jamie on the back. 

“Wow,” Louise said, holding the word out. “That’s crazy. How did you two just act so casual around each other?” 

I looked at Jamie, remembering how I’d felt drawn to him, how I’d gravitated toward him even when I knew I shouldn’t. I thought back on how I avoided him when my feelings became too much. Perhaps I was a better actor than I thought I was if even Louise had no idea anything had gone on between us. “I don’t know,” I replied. “We just usually tried to pretend it didn’t happen.” 

We sat there for a moment, taking sips of our drinks or thinking back on production. Suddenly, Joe burst out in a loud laugh. “I’m sorry, I just keep thinking of how many fucking times Laoghaire has asked you out in the last nine months. And the whole time you were secretly with Claire,” he said, laughing at Jamie’s expense. 

“Well hell, it’s been more than the last nine months. It was all throughout production too. She constantly tried to find reasons to get him to go out with her. Girl could  _ not _ take a hint,” Louise recalled. She looked over at me with a concerned glance. “Maybe you should lay low for a while, Claire. Now that Jamie’s girlfriend officially has a name, she may put a hit out on you.” 

I laughed and shook my head, leaning into Jamie’s side. “She doesn’t scare me,” I said. Nothing really did so long as I was with Jamie. 

When we walked in the door of our home, it felt like nothing had really changed. But everything had, for both of us and for our relationship. I sat my clutch and my new Tony down on the island. I could feel Jamie behind me. His arm reached past me to put his award down too. Before I could turn around to him, I felt his lips against my shoulder. Slowly, he unhooked the straps where they were fixed at my neck before kissing where they’d been sitting. My hand came up behind me and held onto his head. His arms came around me, roaming up and down my stomach and my sides. 

I needed more. Turning in his arms, I crushed my mouth to his. My hands were in his hair and my body was flat against his. As they were wont to do, his hands found their way to my arse, kneading. I felt a moan escape me just before his tongue met mine. It was one of those times when I was fairly certain we wouldn’t make it to our bed. My desperation for him came on suddenly and was surely powerful. 

Without breaking away from him, I slid his jacket off his shoulders. He shrugged out of it, throwing it to the floor. Jamie broke away from me, moving to my neck again. As he kissed a trail, I worked at undoing his tie. We were still essentially in our entryway and neither of us seemed to care. Once the tie was off, I was working diligently at the buttons on his shirt. It took me some time as Jamie started sucking near my pulse point. When all the buttons were undone, I threw the shirt off him as fast as I could. His hands moved up to the top of the zipper on my dress. 

“This isna yers, right?” he asked, panting. 

“Right. Don’t tear it.” I felt his huff against my shoulder and couldn’t help but laugh. Kissing a path back to his ear, I whispered to him, “It’s fine if the undergarments get ripped.” His eyes were dark as they met mine, a grin forming on both of our faces. 

He quickly got the zipper down and pushed it down my hips. I stepped out of the dress, kicking it to the side. Jamie pulled me back in for a long, deep kiss. My hands were all over him, unable to stay in one place. I started walking backwards, thinking maybe we could make it to the couch. Jamie reached down to remove his kilt, but I stopped his hands. 

“Leave it on.” 

He raised one brow to me and I nodded slowly. Stepping toward me again, he tripped, toppling toward me and making both of us crash to the floor. After a moment of shock at his large body pinning me suddenly, I didn’t really mind. 

“Christ, are ye alright, Claire?” He propped himself up over me, running one hand down the side of my face softly. 

I laughed loudly, wrapping one arm around his neck. “I’m fine. I may hurt tomorrow, but right now I really don’t care. Come here.” 

He looked skeptical til I pulled him closer with the arm around his neck. Once I was kissing him again, he didn’t seem to mind either. Jamie lowered himself against me, kissing me fiercely. My legs wrapped around his hips, feeling the need to move things forward. I lifted my hips against his and bit his lip. Pulling back, he shot me a look full of question and desire. I nodded to him. Surging up, I kissed him again roughly. 

His hand drifted down, finding my center, finding how ready I truly was. I couldn’t stop the moan that ripped out of me as he deftly used his fingers. It wasn’t what I wanted, though. “Jamie,” I whined, reaching for him. 

Finally taking my hint, he moved his kilt out of the way and pushed inside me. I cried out at the feeling, clutching to him. He leaned over me, leaning down to kiss me slowly as he started moving within me. We moved together, slowly at first as the fire built between us, and we rocked frantically against each other. My hands were clawing at his back as his mouth attached to my neck. We’d both be sore tomorrow, especially from the crash to the floor. At the moment, neither of us had enough room in our minds to care about that. All I needed was him and vice versa. 

I felt myself getting closer and closer to the edge, the wave readying to crash over me. Jamie was slowing down and I nearly screamed. His hands and his mouth moved slowly, worshipping my body with his attention. I grabbed his face between my hands, urging him to keep going. That was my mistake. Now it was a game to him, torturing me when I was so close to release. He pressed reverent kisses to my collarbone, my neck, my cheeks, moving in gentle thrusts within me. 

Deciding to take matters into my own hands, I reached down to the place of our joining. Jamie grabbed my hand and pinned it to the floor next to my head with a devious glint in his eye and a hard thrust. I groaned in reply. My ankles were at his lower back, trying my best to urge him in the way I needed. We’d been so desperate for each other, and suddenly he was dragging it out, torturing me in the best way. 

“Jamie,” I cried. “For the love of God.” 

He breathed out a laugh and pressed a kiss to my lips. Listening to my pleas, he picked up his earlier pace, hitting deep within me. I cried out again, for a different reason. I held onto him as he thrust over and over, bringing me right back to the edge. His hand found my center, sending shockwaves through my body. My release hit me, making my entire body tighten around him. He moved erratically, finding his release within me and promptly collapsing back on top of me. 

“Holy shit,” he breathed. 

“Yeah,” I agreed, patting his shoulder lazily. 

He pressed a soft kiss to my nose before rolling off me. We laid together on the floor, trying to regain our energy. I moved onto my side, kissing his shoulder before his arm moved and tucked me into him. We were close enough that I reached out and yanked at the corner of a blanket that sat on the arm of the couch. I spread it out over us, deciding that we weren’t moving for a bit. 

As we laid there, we talked about the evening, the surprising highs of the awards show — other than our wins. Without much warning, I jumped up, moving out from under the blanket. I grabbed our two new awards and marched toward the bookshelf where my Tony from years ago resided. I moved it up to a different shelf before putting ours side by side on the original shelf. 

I stood back and smiled as I looked at it. Jamie stood up as well, walking over to me. He stood behind me, wrapping both the blanket and his arms around me. I held onto his arms, not moving my eyes from the sight before me. “I know it’s not all about the awards,” I said, breaking the silence between us, “but that’s a damn good sight.” 

He pressed a kiss to my cheek. “I have to agree wi’ ye. I wanted so badly no’ to care, but it feels verra good right about now.” 

I looked at him over my shoulder. “I told you so.” 

“Hmm?” 

“That first morning we had here, you stood in this very spot and looked at my Tony. I told you that you should get used to the weight of it. You doubted me, but I told you so,” I reminded him, giving him a look. 

He shook his head at me, a grin forming on his face. “If I recall correctly, I said I’d rather get used to the weight of ye in my arms.” 

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, you did.” 

Jamie bent down, picking my feet out from under me and taking me in his arms. “I’d say that’s come more in handy than holding that  _ one _ trophy tonight.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

He shifted on his heels, bouncing me in his arms. I screamed slightly, clinging to him. Jamie laughed, walking off toward our room. He tossed me down on the bed and crawled over me. “Aye, I’d say it’s still the better option.” 

I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face as I shook my head at him. “Come here,” I commanded, pulling him down to me. It was a good thing John and I had agreed not to work tomorrow. Jamie and I had a long night of celebrating ahead of us. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The secret is finally out! One chapter left, folks!


	18. Anywhere You Go, Let Me Go Too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last one, folks! Thanks for reading!

I stood clapping and cheering loudly for the last curtain call. The pride I felt watching Jamie and the rest of the cast bow for the last time paled in comparison to the pride on their faces. I hadn’t told Jamie that I’d be there. My latest show had opened two nights before. He had seemed disappointed when he thought that I wouldn’t be able to see him be Peter one last time. 

But instead, I’d chosen to surprise him. John was at the third show, making sure it was running smoothly in my place. I certainly wasn’t making the same mistakes with that show that I’d made with this one. Two shows and I was out. John was observing the third and then he’d be out as well. It turned out it was all a lot easier to follow my own rules when I wasn’t secretly in love with the lead actor. I laughed to myself as I watched the cast make one last wave to the audience before leaving the stage for the final time. 

Thankfully, I still knew the people working at the theater and was able to sneak backstage. Jamie was talking to one of the crew members when I crept up behind him. I tapped his shoulder lightly, trying to get his attention. He turned around, a question on his face. I was up in his arms the moment he processed that I was there. “Sassenach!” he exclaimed. “What are ye doing here? What about yer other show?” 

When I was back on my feet, I cupped his face in my hands. “Did you really think I wouldn’t be here?” I stood on my toes and pressed my lips to his. “I even bought a ticket and was here as your girlfriend, not as your director.” 

He laughed, bringing me in for another hug. “I wouldna care how ye were here. I wasna expecting ye to be here at all.” His eyes lingered on me for a long moment. “But I canna lie and say I’m no’ happy ye’re here.” 

Louise walked by, spotting me. “Claire! I didn’t know you were here. I thought you and John just opened that new show.” 

“We did,” I confirmed. “John’s there. I’m here. It’s like we’re splitting up for our two children’s shows.” I laughed at my own comparison. 

“Well I’m glad you got to be here one last time,” she said, an almost sad smile on her face.

“Heading back out to LA?” I asked her. 

She shrugged. “I may try to find something here first,” she told me. “My husband has been pretty happy being here for the last couple of years. Not sure what I’ll find, but if you and John are casting again soon, you know I’ll put my name in for that.” 

I laughed. John and I hadn’t decided our next step yet. We were halfway into production on our newest show when it was announced that Jamie’s show would be ending it’s run after 18 months. I told John — and this time he understood — that I wanted to wait to see what Jamie would do next before I decided what to do. 

“We’ll see,” I answered. My attention was caught by some man I didn’t know talking to Jamie. “Do you know who that is, Louise?” 

She shook her head. “No, I don’t.” Together we stood there, watching for far too long. When we finally realized we were prying, I followed Louise off toward the dressing room. It wouldn’t hurt for me to congratulate the rest of the cast on a successful run. 

A while later, Jamie wandered in as well, taking off his makeup and hanging up his costume. He chatted with his fellow castmates for the last time as a cast. I sat on a stool by the makeup counter, chiming in here and there. All the others filtered out of the room until it was just me and Jamie. 

I didn’t wait even for a minute before jumping in. “So, who was that you were talking to?” 

He was buttoning his shirt when he glanced up at me, seemingly trying to sense the mood behind my question. When he could tell it was pure curiosity, he answered me. “Some casting director. He said he’d heard good things about me and flew out to see me before the show ended.” 

“Wow,” I said, genuinely impressed. “That’s great.” 

“I suppose.” 

“How would that not be great?” 

He shrugged, grabbing his jacket to put on. “He said they’re casting this movie and there’s a part they think I’d be good for. I find it hard to believe.” 

“Why? You caught people’s attention when you won a Tony. You’re ¼ of the way to an EGOT!” 

Jamie at least humored me with a laugh. “I just finished my first show. Is my next step really a movie?” 

I jumped down off my stool and walked over to him, placing my hands on his chest. “Jamie, your next step is whatever you want it to be. If that’s auditioning for another show, then that’s it. If it’s this movie opportunity, then that’s it.” 

“I heard Louise ask ye about doing another show,” he commented. I couldn’t tell if he was trying to change the subject or not. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing next. My show just opened.” 

“I know.” A concerned look crossed his face. “Do ye think our personal relationship will keep us from ever working together again?” 

“I’d be pretty sad if it did. But I don’t know why it has to.” 

“What about the whole reason we kept our relationship a secret for as long as we did? We thought people would assume I got the part because of my relationship to you. How would that be any different?” 

I shrugged. “I bet we’ll be old news by the next time we work together. Hell, I think we’re old news  _ now _ .”

“Perhaps.” 

My arms wrapped around his waist. “Plenty of couples work together, Jamie. Especially in the theater. If we want to work together again and the stars align and it works out, I won’t give a shit what anyone else has to say about it. And I don’t think you will either, now that you’re more established.” 

Jamie nodded thoughtfully. “That’s a fair point.” 

“So, what about this casting director?” 

He groaned a bit, stepping back from me. “I don’t know that I want to go meet wi’ him.” 

“Is it an audition?” 

“No, he said it would just be a meeting.” 

I breathed out loudly. “Well, then you need to go.” 

“Why?” 

“Because it would be a good opportunity!” 

Jamie leaned against the doorjamb, his arms crossed. “I dinna ken if I can do that.” 

I felt myself growing agitated with him. “ _ Why _ ?” 

“I dinna ken where this movie would be shot or what. If I find another play, I know I’d be here,” he reasoned. 

My brows furrowed. “But you have this opportunity now. Who knows when the next play will come along.” I stepped closer to him. “Why are you really against this opportunity?” 

He reached out and laid his hands on my arms. “I dinna ken where I’d be. And in all likelihood, I’d be away from ye. Ye  _ just _ finished up yer new show. And I just finished mine. Our relationship has been public for nine months, but we’ve spent a lot of time on opposite schedules in the last few months. We’ve barely had any time to just be a normal couple. But if I take this, I could be across the country, or worse, across the world. I...well, I rather wanted some time to just be with you.” 

I smiled, leaning into him. “I know what you mean. It sounds lovely. But, for the record, I haven’t chosen a new project yet. I knew this break was coming for you and I thought I’d be flexible.” 

“What does that mean?” 

I sighed. “I mean, maybe it’s time for me to take a real break. If you take this meeting and it turns into an audition and turns into a part, maybe you won’t have to be apart from me. Maybe I can be there too, whether you’re filming here in New York or out in LA or in Paris or wherever.” 

“Claire —” 

“I’d already come up with some ideas for us to do if we both are not working,” I confided, trying to reassure him. “Maybe going to Los Angeles to meet with this man could be one of our fun things we do.” 

His hand ran up and down my arm slowly. “What are the other things ye had on this list?” 

“Well, your sister had a baby a few months ago and we’ve been unable to get over to see your nephew. Besides, you’ve promised me many times that you’d take me to Scotland. I thought perhaps we could go there. Maybe we can go to LA first, figure that out and then go to Scotland. Surely they won’t need you right away.” 

“I don’t know what any of it would look like,” Jamie answered. “But I like the ideas ye have so far. There’s just one thing that bothers me.” 

“What’s that?” 

“I don’t want you to give up the career ye’ve worked so hard for just for me.” I could tell by the look on his face that he was genuinely worried about it. 

“You know, when I finally worked up the courage to tell Lamb that I’d shortened my work week when we were still keeping our relationship a secret, he said something that really resonated with me.” Jamie raised one brow as encouragement to continue. “He said that I’d worked my ass off for my career and people know that and that my career would be waiting for me when I was ready to devote more time to it. And Jamie, it was. When I felt like we were capable of surviving me dedicating a good amount of time to a show, my career was still there. And we survived it too. Not to toot my own horn, but I’m a two time Tony-winning director. I’m fairly certain I can take some time off and still return and pick up where I left off.” 

“Ye make a strong point.” He sighed. “I guess movies dinna take forever to make.” 

“Nope. They don’t. And you know what, the idea of travelling to some far off place with you sounds pretty great.” I smiled up at him. “And who knows, maybe while you’re learning about working on movies, I could adapt my trade to do the same someday.” 

Jamie shook his head. “You dinna want to work on movies.” 

“Maybe I’ll find it looks fun.” I shrugged. “I have no idea. But I do know that I don’t want us to stand still, only sticking to what we’re familiar with. That doesn’t make sense. And I’d say  _ both _ of our careers deserve better than that. This is a good opportunity for you and I’m going to be with you every step of the way. I made that decision a very long time ago, I’m afraid.” My arms went back around him as I leaned up to kiss his cheek. “Take the meeting, Jamie.” 

He shook his head at me in awe. “Ye know, I never made a habit of talking to the women who stared at me in bars,” he said. I laughed, resting my head against his chest. His arms came around me as he continued. “But I think somehow I just knew how beautifully it’d go if I went over and talked to you. And I’ve yet to find a day where I’m not glad I did.” 

I looked up at him, kissing him softly. “You know, I feel the same way.” He kissed me again. “Where you go, I go, love. That’s the deal.” 

He nodded, finally taking it in. “You know I’ll return the favor. This time ye’re accommodating my career. Next time, it’s yer turn.” 

I couldn’t help but smile. “So it’s also ‘where I go, you go?’” 

He smiled down at me. “Exactly. But let’s start wi’ home.” 

“Sounds perfect.” 

Jamie took my hand as we walked from the dressing room. And we left the theater as we’d spent the past months of our relationship and as we’d spend our future.  _ Side by side _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final curtain! Thank you all so much for reading this fic that was born of me being a huge theater nerd! It's been such a fun one to write and a pleasure to see the response! I've really appreciated all the support for this fic!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! Feel free to come chat with me on tumblr! I'm three-drink-amy!


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